Can't give up(1)

FloydSnax

My first post here was titled Can't Give Up and with the help and advice from the kind people here, I hadn't. I learned more about this disease and took on the battles it threw at me. There are so many awful truths in this fight. Though I can't give up, sooner or later, I will have to. And that day was this last Friday. 

I have taken all the knobs off of the stove because we had an incident a while back. So, Friday, I'm in the shower and when I step from the tub, I hear what sounded like water running from the kitchen. Then it started to sound like sizzling...I wrap myself in a towel and quickly get to the kitchen where my mom is frying a steak! Without the knobs? That has to hurt her 90-year-old fingers! And that is where I made my first mistake. I should have dealt with that situation right there but her attitude towards me finding her and the fact that I was in a towel, and she seemed to have it in control (I can be so darn* stupid against this sickness) I went back to the restroom to finish up. Thats when I realized the severity of the whole situation, and something told me to rush back to the kitchen and when I got there, she had turned on another burner and was now cooking another steak that was still in its Tupperware and the smell of burning toxins was getting thick. If I would have continued to get dressed, or went to my room to watch television...or anything...

Now I'm yelling at someone who has no clue to what's happening, yet who's looking at me with hatred in her eyes and that was it. I tell her that I'm going to call for her ambulance and there is no understanding anything that I'm saying. For the first time ever, I call 911 and it goes well until the realization of what this phone call really means, and I break talking to the operator. And when the paramedics get here, I've broken even more.

I had left a message with my sister, and she calls back right at this moment and she tells me to cancel, and she will come and take my mom to her place and though I made the call, I've never been more relieved in my life. And surprised. Through this whole ordeal, my sister has helped me maybe....20% of the time. 18%...

For the next day and a half, I'm glad my mom isn't alone and afraid in a facility somewhere, yet I can't shake this inevitable feeling of dread that's still coming our way. It's a very strange headspace to be in. And I hate it. No one should have to go through this where the ultimate end to this tale is *$%& horrible. So, I don't know if I gave up or not? I know I'm getting a new "Baby Gate" for the kitchen and putting another Band-Aid on a broken bone but what else can I do? Keep winning little battles but ultimately losing the war.  

Mckangel

Hey there, it’s very late at night, at least for me, but I just read your post. Please stay on the forum, I WILL message you tomorrow. I am new at this too, but have had similar situations with my mother. You are not alone, please keep posting and reading on this forum. 

-Angel

SusanB-dil

ooh, FloydSnax - so sorry to hear that news.  That was more than freakin' frustrating, for sure!!

Since not fully involved, does sister know the extent of mom's limitations?  At the very least, it is giving you a bit of respite to just breathe a little. (maybe even re-think a facility - she really wouldn't be alone.)

Don't beat yourself up about yelling and trying to get her to see what she did. You responded to the moment. We (DH and I) have found ourselves attempting to reason with MIL. Yeah, we know better, but yet.... Can't reason with a cat, right?!

FloydSnax

Angel

I'll never leave this site. It has saved me from the deepest hole I was in. And I've learned a lot. 

Mckangel

My mother called me unexpectedly on New Years Day, and began berating me for “putting her in AL” I went into defense mode and told her I did not appreciate her calling me on New Years Day and chewing me out. She called me Sunday afternoon and woke me from a sound sleep to ask me how long she was”paid up for” at the facility and that she was coming home. I asked her to tell me what was upsetting her, but she wouldn’t say. Bottom line is, we as children, (I am in my fifties, lol) do  not always know what to say, and we are only human. I’m just starting on this journey as my mother’s decline to the extent it is was pretty sudden. This awful dementia doesn’t come with set instructions that always work for everyone all the time because we and our LO are all different and dementia seems to be so multi faceted, but there is so much great information , support and tips here.  I’m glad you are getting a bit of a break for a day or so; I hope you make the most of it.  Update-a nurse at the AL where my mother is told her she can come and go as she pleases.Yikes, I wish that hadn’t happened.  My mother’s sitter may possibly take her by her home tomorrow- I don’t know wether to trust my mother to agree to return to the facility after a visit to her home. If anyone can handle her, it’s this lady. My head is spinning right now, and I plan on just taking it hour by hour. I injured my finger on my dominant hand this afternoon, ironically while talking to the sitter regarding my mother, (loading groceries and shut the trunk too soon) so I’m not thinking real clearly because, gosh, I am hurting. Just please don’t be hard on yourself; keep exploring this forum and reach out  and vent when you need to.

FloydSnax

Susan B

Yeah, unfortunately my sister is fully aware. And her two adult children who I thought would have my back (my mom's too) but it is what it is. Who really would want to deal with this? I wish I wasn't. After this last incident, my sister did take her for two nights so.... I don't know. All I ended up doing was sleeping most of the time. But that was fine. Although I almost worried more that she was in my sister's care. Can't win.

prov1kenobi

I just woke up at 3 am.I went to bed at 10 pm. So, it is pretty early for me. As i am sitting in a recliner, I realized that my life as a caregiver is pretty easy compared to what other caregivers go thru. But, when I heard my LO wandering around upstairs at 3 an, I realize how quickly things could change. There is a Jennair cook top up in the kitchen (with no knobs), lots of little appliances and knives…fire wood, gas filled lighters, newspapers…all sorts of stuff, all of which could lead to disaster. He uses spray on fire starter alot to light wood in a fireplace. I am noy being clear in this post. What I am saying is that there is all sorts of trouble that my LO could get into at the drop of a hat. Nothing has happened yet, but I fear that it could happen. It is very scary. 

I guess that we need to really prioritize safety issues in this house….before something serious happens. There he goes again ! He is wandering around in his hunting and gathering stage just looking for trouble.

Gypsy J

Thank you for sharing this story, I just joined this forum and found your post. I needed to read this just now. I too just this weekend had to take my DH to emergency room because of his erratic behavior. This has also forced me into the realization that at some point I will no longer be able to care for him. Like many others I suppose we hoped to be able to keep them at home. This is not the reality I had wanted.