What just happened?!

Belldream

DH has been home 15 days from a SNF. In that time we've gotten back into a routine, and things have been mostly calm here. I hope it isn't the calm before the storm. We had such a good day today. He happily let me give him a shower. I took him to Disney Springs, and we had a nice lunch followed by ice cream. We sat by the water and watched the aquaboats and the birds. He told me he had such a good time. We got home and he told me to be careful to care for myself since I'm doing so much. We had dinner and then got ready for bed. He went right to sleep and so did I. 

Then my radar went off and he was on the move, earlier than usual. I heard him in the bathroom and ended up needing to dry the floor since he missed. I said nothing about it. Then I notice he takes off his depends. I casually pull out a new pair and try to help him put them on, as I've been doing all this time. He has never given me any push back. This.time, he wasn't having it. He began saying hurtful things to me. He took them off his legs and stormed into the kitchen. I brought them to him and apologized and said he could put them on when he was ready. He became very aggressive, and raised his fist as if to punch me. But he kept it there mid air while saying more hurtful things. I stared him down. Now he's back in bed naked, and I'm wondering what just happened. 

I.managed to give him a dose of Trazodone in pudding as.that helps him when he starts to get anxious or agitated. He just hasnt been so aggressive ever with me. 

I'm not taking it personally at all, I know better. I'm just wondering how to evaluate this. I've told myself and promised our kids and his neurologist and my counselor that I would call 911 if I was in danger. Now I'm second guessing if that qualified. Was it a one off. Or is this a sign of what's to come? I just don't know. I hope he snaps out of it once the drug takes effect. Thank you all for listening and.for your support. This forum has been a God send.

Pat6177

Belldream, that is scary. I do know our PWDs can change on a dime. He may wake up sweet as can be. Or not.

I’ve not been in your shoes but here are some suggestions from what I’ve read on this forum.

Keep your cellphone charged and on your person at all times. Keep the charging cord accessible. Do you have a room you can go to that can be locked? Even better if it has a way to get out of the house as well. Have your purse and any legal documents (like medical POA for your DH) that you might need available to grab in case you need to leave quickly. Maybe lock it in the trunk of your car right now, just in case. Throw a change of clothes in there as well. If it was me, I just might sleep in my clothes tonight.  

If you have to, call 911. Be sure to tell them that he has dementia so they can adjust their approach to him accordingly. 

Then if it’s a quiet night, in the am you might want to check with his dr about medications.

Praying you do have a quiet night. Let us know how it goes.

RobertsBrown

My gal got aggressive one time, so far, and it's never been her 'normal' so I took it as a one-off event.  I guess that's the question:  What is 'normal' for him?

I recently discovered that 911 has a service called 'smart 911'.  If this is available in your area you can fill out an online form with a lot more information, like that fact that a resident has dementia and may be delusional and not responsive to commands.  Just the sort of thing we would want first responders to know.

I completely understand your dilemma.

Rob-

Pat6177

Belldream, here is a link to a March 22, 2022 post by Lady Texan about staying safe. Definitely worth reading. Even though it’s in blue, the link doesn’t work and I don’t know how to make it work. So you’ll have to copy and paste. Sorry!

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147560330

M1

Belldream, it was similar verbal threats of aggression that put my partner in the hospital and then in memory care here.  I think you have to take it very seriously.  As is often said here, your care plan has to be driven by coping with the worst behaviors/disease manifestations.

Ed1937

Pat6177 wrote:

Even though it’s in blue, the link doesn’t work 

Works for me. I'd just like to add that if you choose a bathroom as your safe place, make sure it has a window you can climb out of if necessary. Leaving the house is the best option.

CStrope

I find that my DH gets verbally abusive when he feels I am trying to take control of a situation.  When he feels helpless, or just plain "less", then he will lash out at me.  If he does something wrong and I don't address the situation just right, the name calling and yelling at me starts.  I think it is definitely a defense mechanism to be in control.