A little more than 3 months later

French

Happy new year to all of you ! Yes, I feel your perplexity... how can it really be happy ? At list, I hope it will be peacefull.

I come sometimes to read news from you, but I must recognize that if I remain very attached to you as people with whom I lived for 3 years, and who helped me all this time, I feel less and less concerned by your problems. I guess I would like to forget all this and switch to a new life.

3 months and few days since he left us...

- I spent a part of my christmas holidays sorting his clothes. Not funny. Not finished because I always think that it could be useful to keep things.

- I am still fighting against the banks errors, tax issues... still not sure to have the finance to stay in my home.

- I work a lot beacuse I was late on everything, so I haven't really recovered time.

- I still have good and bad moments. Sometimes I feel completely lost and thinks that everything is wrong. I would like to change everything but I don't know where to begin.

But, there are also positive aspects

- I sleep well, and this is really pleasant. I had forgotten how it is pleasant to wake up thinking "wahou, I slept well !"

- My younger son shows me his confidence. He speaks a lot with me, about school, and lot of other topics. I feel again like a mother, not only the one who fills the fridge, prepare meals... And this is very satisfyin.

I don't know if it positive or negative, he (the one before the desease, not the Alzheimers' one) is with me all the day and I always think "He did that", "he would have like", "he was always saying that", "It was his prefered...". Not unpleasant, but it makes me thinking.

M1

So nice to hear from you French.

All of your news sounds like pretty normal grief processing, really.  I am glad you have memories of him as his "real" self--I think about my partner that way, too, all the time, and remember and take pleasure in what a wonderful woman she was.  I think/hope that is what sustains us over time.  And so nice to see your relationship with your younger son flourishing so.  That is indeed the satisfying part of being a parent, when (if) we get to see them turning into the people we'd hoped to bring into the world.

Your post is timely for me.  I was thinking last night how much I feel "in limbo"--neither here nor there, no closure, no ability to move on.  No ability to see how I will/can move on when the time comes.  

I feel sure you will get there.  I am sorry about the financial worries, the thought of possibly having to move on top of everything else?  I hope that resolves.

I expect at some point you will realize that things have changed even if you're not entirely sure how you got there.  I wish you well.

MaryG123

Hugs to you French. (()).  Besides the los of your DO, the complicated world is intruding on your grief.  I’ve read that we need to put off making major changes for at least a year after a loss, and I hope you can take the time to just rest and renew your spirit.

Ed1937

French, it's so good to hear from you. Walking in the path of grief is so hard. It's a lot like caregiving because you are still on the roller coaster. But of course, much different.

I'm glad you have your son to connect with, and get a little pleasure from it. Hopefully your financial situation will improve, and will no longer be a problem.

The grief you are going through is normal. It's been almost 7 months since my wife passed, and I'm just now getting a small bit of interest in doing things that I lost interest in. Please stop by every so often to let us know how you are doing.

Joe C.

French, It is great to hear from you. I think what you are going through is a perfectly normal process, just give it time & be kind to yourself. I hope you are able to find the means to stay in your home. Hang in there.

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Pam BH

French, so nice to hear from you.  I'm encouraged to hear what you're experiencing is normal since your post could have been mine with only a little over 2 months since my husband passed.  I hope you get through all the financial hurdles and are able to do what's best for you. It may take a while to figure out what that is but we'll get there. As usual, this forum lets us know what seems so not normal is actually very normal for our situation. It always has through every situation of caregiving and now in grieving. Best of luck to you.