Hospice on board

Elshack

DH has been in memory care since mid August as I could no longer take care of him after he broke his ankle and also was doubly incontinent. I had been taking care of him for 4 1/2 yrs. with no outside help.

Last week he once again was non- responsive and slumped to the side and drooling. They took him to the ER...2nd trip within 2 weeks...for the same reasons. Within a short time he seemed ok and they are not sure if these incidents are TIAs or some type of seizures. No CAT scan was done as it wouldn't make any difference what they found since I was not going to pursue any treatments etc. 4 yrs ago he had 24 holes drilled in his head ( brain surgery ) after subdural hematomas after a fall. 

He went back to memory care within a few hrs after this last ER visit. He ate a good meal and of course didn't have any memory of being in the hospital. He had been on pallative hospice but today I met the hospice nurse at memory Care and he is now officially in hospice. This means no more trips to the ER. I know he could be close to passing away or who knows? It coudl be a few more months. My MO when I am stressed is not having an appetite and being nauseated.

Thankfully the memory care is a 2 min drive from our independent living apartment. I am sure those of you who have walked this path know the ambivalent feelings of wanting this to be over yet bereft at the thought of the finality of death. He is 92 and 1/2. I know I have given his care my best shot and everyone said I did a fabulous job so when he passes I will feel no guilt at not doing my absolute best.

I have felt such a kinship with others on this forum. I am crying as I type this but I know I am crying because I am stressed out. I have no family nearby. 

MaryG123

Hugs to you Elshack.  (()) I’m sorry you've had to take this next step, and hope it will be a comfort to you.

toni2

I too have been through what you are going through. just remember the hospice is for you too so the journey isn't too hard for you to carry on. My DH had hospice for 2 weeks and was gone. They were my support, and I was very thankful for them. I took care of him until he broke both of his legs and had to go to a NH. Please know that we are here if you need to talk. You will be in my prayers. God bless you for taking such good care of him. Remember to take care of you now.

Toni  

Ed1937

Elshack, to say you have done a good job would be putting it mildly. I'm glad you have hospice on board, but I'm sorry things are where they are now.

mrahope

So sorry you are going through this, and I'm really glad both you and your DH are going to get help from hospice.  My experience with hospice (for my mother before she passed) was that they helped the whole family, not just the person who is about to pass.  I hope your experience will be the same.

Norm 22

DW in memory care since May 2022 and has had hospice for a few months.  She has an aide 5 mornings a week to help her and hospice RN 2x week. They provided a hospital bed, monitor meds and are focused on comfort.  We had 3-4 ER trips for UTI and they were all very difficult.  Hospice care today is good for your loved one.

Kenzie56

Bless you, Elshack.  You have done your best - and placing DH in hospice is still doing your best for him as well as you.  Hospice offers a support group and I encourage you to attend.  Just being with others during this part of the journey can be helpful. Sending you a virtual hug!