Hospice on board

Elshack

DH has been in memory care since mid August as I could no longer take care of him after he broke his ankle and also was doubly incontinent. I had been taking care of him for 4 1/2 yrs. with no outside help.

Last week he once again was non- responsive and slumped to the side and drooling. They took him to the ER...2nd trip within 2 weeks...for the same reasons. Within a short time he seemed ok and they are not sure if these incidents are TIAs or some type of seizures. No CAT scan was done as it wouldn't make any difference what they found since I was not going to pursue any treatments etc. 4 yrs ago he had 24 holes drilled in his head ( brain surgery ) after subdural hematomas after a fall. 

He went back to memory care within a few hrs after this last ER visit. He ate a good meal and of course didn't have any memory of being in the hospital. He had been on pallative hospice but today I met the hospice nurse at memory Care and he is now officially in hospice. This means no more trips to the ER. I know he could be close to passing away or who knows? It could be a few more months. My MO when I am stressed is not having an appetite and being nauseated.

Thankfully the memory care is a 2 min drive from our independent living apartment. I am sure those of you who have walked this path know the ambivalent feelings of wanting this to be over yet bereft at the thought of the finality of death. He is 92 and 1/2. I know I have given his care my best shot and everyone said I did a fabulous job so when he passes I will feel no guilt at not doing my absolute best.

I have felt such a kinship with others on this forum. I am crying as I type this but I know I am crying because I am stressed out. I have no family nearby.

M1

With you in spirit, it is worth rivers of tears.

toolbeltexpert

Elshack sorry and I understand those feeling as well. I wish you the strength you need and eat something for the body.

Joydean

Praying for strength and peace for you. Let all the tears flow, you have done your best caring for your dh.

MN Chickadee

Oh yes, I know exactly the mixed emotions. I did not want to let my mother go despite her suffering. But I didn't want her to live this way any more. I wasn't done taking care of her but at times so done with it. Sigh. Thinking of you. Hospice will help him have peaceful days now.

ninalu

Hi Elshack,
In my LO's case, Hospice has been such a welcome support. I'm glad you can let the tears come and not hold them back. I hope you'll find ways to care for yourself with the same love and devotion that you give your DH. And please check in with us here. We'll be with you for this part of the journey.

GwendolynD

You have done an amazing job, I am in awe of what you have been able to do for DH for 4.5 years.

I'm earlier in the journey.  My Mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia last year.  It seems to be progressing more quickly than I thought it would - she is having days where walking is extremely difficult and she has had some falls.  She's coughing and during days like this she spends a lot of time in her REM sleep and doesn't have much of an appetite. Both of us are afraid that she is not going to be able to walk at all soon.  The doctors have not been much of a help, except for doing blood work to look for UTI.  I'm staying at her place with her until I can get her into my place, but wow, the not knowing exactly what's going on or what to expect is scary.

Sorry for blathering on.  I admire what you have done and I hope you are proud of yourself