Preparing for the move to SNF

maxmama

Well, I found a SNF for my mother.  They called me Friday to tell me she has been accepted.  I've been looking since October.  Mom was approved for Medicaid LTC last fall, and has had Dementia for many years.  It has progressed to the point that I can no longer handle being the sole caregiver.  I am completely burnt out.  I have a brother, but he lives very far away.  The facility is a smaller one, about 60 residents, and everyone there has either Alzheimer's or some type of Dementia.  I've heard good things about it, and am hopeful that she will receive good care there.  I still have to talk to them about the details and a move-in date.  

I'm now wondering about how I'm going to choose which clothes to send with her.  Some SNFs have told me that I can go in ahead of time to place some of her belongings, and that everything has to be marked with her name.  I might have to be sneaky to work on that without her noticing.  I don't want to cause undue stress too early.  I have been in touch with the social worker at her doctor's frequently during my search.  I am very concerned with Moving Day and how to handle everything.  The social worker told me that it's okay to discuss it with her, but don't keep bringing it up in hopes of getting her to remember anything.  I have briefly discussed it with mom before, and she seemed to understand at the time.

I have such mixed feelings.  I'm going to miss her, but I will be so relieved that she's getting 24 hour care.  The dogs are going to miss her.  I'm not sure if she'll miss the dogs.  Probably at first.  If anyone has any suggestions on preparing for the move, I would greatly appreciate it. 

Ci2Ci

Congrats on finding a place! (I, too, have been trying since October.)

While I just did this transition on 1/12, all my efforts for smooth transition completely fell apart because of others involved. {{sobbing emoji}}

But, I will say that one of my better ideas (**fingers crossed**) was to tag the hangers for her hanging items. I used white (or masking) tape doubled over to create a label, writing on that her name in big letters with a sharpie. Placed that 'tag' on the hook of the hanger, sticking outside -- so that she (and others) can clearly see the owner's name. ...Now, getting the facility to get her actual clothes back onto her own hangers is another matter. 

I also created a one-page Resident Notes for the nursing desk, stating how she is use to doing certain things -- as in, ways to help her be successful there. [Again, in my case, it feels a wasted effort, but YMMV.]

maxmama

Thanks for the suggestion!

Phoenix1966

Congratulations on finding placement for your LO. 

My mother and I moved many of my grandmother’s thing prior to placement, but we were “lucky” in that my grandmother was hospitalized and would be transported directly to the MC facility when she was discharged.

I did witness several families moving their LOs in while we were moving my grandmother’s items. Not all were happy to be there, but the staff was very good at redirecting the new residents to activities, allowing family members to make a hasty retreat. In our case, we told my grandmother that the facility was a fancy rehab facility and as soon as the doctor “cleared” her, she could leave. That worked in our situation. 

Ci2Ci, I’m not sure your hang tag system will work long term. At our facility, they washed many residents items at the same time, so sorting clothes with no tags could be challenging for the staff. Also, many residents will engage in “shopping”, where they wander around the rooms and pick up items that catch their eye. If your LO’s clothes aren’t labeled, again, staff will have a hard time returning them to their proper owner. Just my experience. 

harshedbuzz

maxmama wrote:

Well, I found a SNF for my mother.  They called me Friday to tell me she has been accepted.  I've been looking since October.  Mom was approved for Medicaid LTC last fall, and has had Dementia for many years.  It has progressed to the point that I can no longer handle being the sole caregiver.  I am completely burnt out.  I have a brother, but he lives very far away. 

I'm glad you found a place but sorry it took so very long. Ideally this move will allow you to step back into the role of loving daughter in a more rested mindset.

The facility is a smaller one, about 60 residents, and everyone there has either Alzheimer's or some type of Dementia.  I've heard good things about it, and am hopeful that she will receive good care there.  I still have to talk to them about the details and a move-in date.  

It sounds like a good fit. I toured over a dozen places and only found one SNF exclusively for those with dementia. It was part of a CCRC where most folks were self-pay for a time before converting to Medicaid. It was my mom's first choice for dad but they didn't offer him a bed.

I'm now wondering about how I'm going to choose which clothes to send with her.  Some SNFs have told me that I can go in ahead of time to place some of her belongings, and that everything has to be marked with her name. 

When they say everything, they mean everything. Clothing can have labels sewn or ironed in or you can mark the brand label with a laundry marker or Sharpie. Socks can be marked on the soles, shoes inside. You'll want to mark hearing aids, dentures, framed pictures, cell phones, etc. A few of dad's things went missing. Most turned up because they were marked. One gentleman used to swipe a portrait of my mom and dad's slippers regularly.

Most places do laundry in big commercial washers and clothes do tend to get beat up. I wouldn't bring anything that isn't fairly robust or that needs special handling (iron touch-up, washing inside out, airdry, etc.) unless you will be doing her laundry and running it back and forth. My SIL did this for my MIL and her clothes always looked cared for as they were hung or folded as soon as they came out of the dryer. 

My mom kept a stash of nicer things for dad at home. She'd bring them for him to wear to a doctor's appointment or if the facility was having a celebration of some kind. 

I would not expect CiCi's hangtag strategy to be successful beyond the first washing. As soon as the garment and hanger are parted anything could happen. IME, facilities tend to fold everything. At dad's MCF, laundry was done in regular household washers in each "house" and residents who wanted could assist in folding as an activity. 

I might have to be sneaky to work on that without her noticing. 

TBH, setting up her half of a semi-private room shouldn't take more than 20 minutes. She won't have all that much space. I would pack a box with a couple days/nights of clothing and toiletries, her bedding and a soft throw to start. Stow them in the trunk of the car the night before she moves in. You can always bring more clothing and decor items when you visit.

I don't want to cause undue stress too early.

The day of is soon enough IMO. She doesn't get a vote, so why engage her in this?

  I have been in touch with the social worker at her doctor's frequently during my search.  I am very concerned with Moving Day and how to handle everything.  The social worker told me that it's okay to discuss it with her, but don't keep bringing it up in hopes of getting her to remember anything.  I have briefly discussed it with mom before, and she seemed to understand at the time.

I don't love the idea of telling them. I told dad he was seeing a new doctor the day I took him. I prearranged with the activities person to arrive at afternoon snack just as the matinee was starting. She spirited him away and introduced him to a couple of the less impaired residents while mom went to the office to sign paperwork and I set up his clothes and bathroom items. 

We told dad his new doctor ordered rehab for a time and that we couldn't wait for him to get stronger so he could come home. He was pretty angry about it for about 10 days and then he settled down. 

I have such mixed feelings.  I'm going to miss her, but I will be so relieved that she's getting 24 hour care.  The dogs are going to miss her.  I'm not sure if she'll miss the dogs.  Probably at first.  If anyone has any suggestions on preparing for the move, I would greatly appreciate it. 

Can you bring the dogs for a visit? If they're well-mannered, you may be allowed to bring them to see her. Dad's MCF had almost as many canine visitors as human ones. Otherwise, ask if they have a Joy for All dog she can try. My friend's cats avoided her mom as her disease progressed, so she got mom a robotic cat which she just adored.

HB

maxmama

Thank you, HB!