COLORADO—New to Long Term Care: Switch Facilities or Providing Emotional Support

AlexGoldberg

Hello all,

About a month ago we moved our dad into a nursing care facility in Colorado. While it has a good reputation, it just seems to be lacking in emotional support, structure and activities. My dad has resisted the limited activities they offer and sits in his room alone all the time.

The staff are kind of throwing up their hands in the air (i.e. "he just keeps saying no"). I get the facility is designed for what it's designed for and my dad probably is just hating a new environment, but is it worth looking to switch places to something more structured? I've heard that "memory care" facilities would offer more though keep hearing mixed things on if they're worth it and where to even find good ones for this area (Denver suburbs in Colorado).

At this point I'm just looking for the best quality of life he has that I can offer.

Thanks in advance and hope you're doing alright on your end

Alex

CanyonGal

My mother's memory care facility has limited activities, and she declines to participate in those they offer. (She thinks she is "better" than the other people there, but the lack of participation is because she is afraid, she won't understand the directions and people might find out she is not as "together" or "smarter than others" as she pretends to be.)

I had to go with my mother to BINGO to get her out of the room when she was in assisted living. She played BINGO for years but in memory care, she is unwilling to play it - perhaps she doesn't remember the game.

Residents in memory care have limited processing abilities and many cannot follow instructions, even simple ones. I watch my mother participate in transplanting a plant cutting into a pot. The instructions were simple enough for 4-year-olds, but she struggled and had to be prompted at each step. Then she wanted to throw the plant away, she didn't like it - reminded her of her inability to process.

Memory Care helps the residents get dressed and they either sit in chairs watching or talking to each other or they go to the TV room. They have "patio" time and some art type activity. Sometimes a music performer comes, and they get to mix in with the assisted living residents. 

My mom still has days where she sits in her room - not reading, or watching TV, just staring at the wall or taking a nap. Staff will encourage her but not force her to leave the room. If she was living alone, she would be sitting and staring too.

CanyonGal

I did hire a part-time companion caregiver for my mother. She got her outside, or to the store to buy a snack, or just would talk with her. Even taking her outside for a bit seemed to break the cycle of complaining about the facility. I don't know if you can afford the extra cost but the extra attention seemed to help her. Unfortunately, the caregiver moved into full time work and we lost her.

Ed1937

Alex, welcome to the forum. Sorry you need to be here. It could be that your dad is having a hard time adjusting. Some people go months without ever "fitting in". Others seem to be comfortable with the new setting rather quickly.

Memory Care facilities have locked doors so the residents can not just walk out by themselves. They probably also offer more activities such as live music, short trips outside the facility, or a number of other things. They are usually better equipped to handle people with dementia because staff are trained on how to work with them. But not all facilities are the same. Some are very good, while others are not so much. Just because they offer more activities does not mean he will take part. I think the best place to get recommendations might be at a local caregiver's support group. If you can go to one, and ask if anyone has knowledge about MC facilities in the area, you might find a good one. But is it worth transferring him to another place? Who knows? Sometimes moving people with dementia to new surroundings causes them stress, and that can lead to more problems.