Loosing Us, We, Our

Whyzit

I’ve noticed lately that I am using Me,My and I a lot more  and omitting Us, We and Our. The longer this Alzheimer’s journey progresses, the less I feel married and the more I feel like a “ married single”. I (see there I go again) suppose it happens rather gradually as we take on more responsibility and also detach our emotions from what was our relationship and slip into facing reality. “I” don’t like “my” reality but it is what it is. 

Just some thoughts.

piozam13

I don't think it's a bad thing.  I feel you are accepting reality and transitioning to being by yourself.  At this stage, you make decisions alone.  His presence is there but you aren't 'together' anymore.

Paris20

Yes, I am definitely changing the we and us to I and me. Something related happened to me this week. I had my knee replaced (doing OK) last Tuesday. Since it’s major surgery requiring lots of care for a couple of weeks, I was asked if I live alone. For the first time in my 76 years of life, I realized the answer was “Yes, I live alone.” My daughter and then my friend are staying with me but my answer shook me up a bit. My husband is never coming home from the skilled nursing facility. My children are grown and live in all corners of the country. So, yes, I live alone.

Ed1937

This is an interesting thread. Even though I made all decisions, and did everything that had to be done, I always felt married. Two weeks ago I went for a hearing test. When I filled out the form, there was a box to check for marital status. My wife passed away last June, so I checked the "single" box, even though I still feel married. I suppose I always will.

I agree with piozam. It seems you are accepting life as it is instead of what you were wishing for. Once someone fully accepts that, I think caregiving becomes a little easier.

RCT

I can totally relate….I was talking to friends not long ago and I used the same wording as you….i hope it helps to know that you are not alone!

Gig Harbor

I wanted to get out and meet new people but I didn’t want to join a group with couples so I joined an Essentially Single Women group. When I explained my situation with a husband in memory care they said I qualified.

Joydean

I used to think excepting was close to giving up. But that’s not the same as quitting, or that we stop caring. It seems as one partner decreases the other partner increases. I make all major and minor decisions. Taken on all responsibilities of running a home. Learned how to do more things than I ever thought I would have to. While my husband is content in just watching tv, something he never enjoyed before. So I understand the “I “. Don’t like it, but that choice was taken away when alz moved in.  But I think I will always feel married.

Nowhere

I understand. I married young and have never lived alone, My husband has been in memory care for 2  1/2 years. I have since moved to a new house in a different state (okay just across state lines), but when I refer to the house to others I struggle saying, ”my house”. He and I were like scrambled eggs. I cannot get used to living alone. It’s simply too quiet, especially when watching tv. We used to watch tv together, and the time came when he’d question, “How do you know what’s going on?”, and I’d answer, “You must have fallen asleep”, but he hadn’t. He had forgotten how to remember. There is more peace in my/our home now, but it’s a huge trade off because that peace is very lonely.

Kenzie56

Whyzit, I thought I was the only one that did this. I don't mean to omit DH in conversations with others, and when I do catch myself saying "my granddaughter" or "I" did something, I correct myself and look to see if DH noticed. Over time I've let myself off the hook when I slip because, like others have said, I do everything now and  I think it just tumbles out.  I remember reality hit me in the face the day I had to change my emergency contact information on everything to my son's name/phone number. Now that was a sad moment for me.