Losing your beloved DH.

RitaRae

Today I lost my husband of 41 years.  You know its coming but it ends so fast.  I'm probably in shock and can't truly comprehend that he is gone but it will hit me sooner than later.  I logged into this site 2 days ago and have felt some relief that so many caregivers feel the same emotions I have had over the last 8 years.  It has been difficult to think of the man I married because ALS took so much of him over such a long time, its hard to think of the good memories.  I'm sure that they will slowly.  Please help me get through this.  Rita

mommyandme (m&m)

Im so sorry for the loss of your dear husband! 

Yes, we know it’s coming sometime and for me I thought it could even be a relief.  Going through this loss is not a relief for me.  I’m kind of stuck actually.  I lost my mom, caring for her at home, not my husband, so your situation seems so much more difficult.  The probability of you being in shock is very high.  I was for sure.  I even thought I might have had some PTSD. With time, that shock feeling has subsided, thank goodness. 

It’s been a month since mom died, I’m starting to see what I might need to take care of before too long but still “stuck”. The things that couldn’t wait are a bit overwhelming.  I think time has helped and may be the only thing that really will.  I’m surprised by where I am.  I thought I’d be ready to rock-n-roll when I was “free” from taking care of mom. Nope!  Not ready. Keeping busy with other unrelated things has only postponed me going through this grieving process.   Guess I’m ok with not finding out what my life looks like now but, probably shouldn’t be.  I know I have to go through it to get through it, but… yeah, I just don’t want to, soooo  maybe counseling is my next move.  

Give yourself some time… lots of it.  Try not to dismiss any of the feelings, just feel them all. You just said your final physical goodbye yesterday…take some time to just sit with yourself.  

I’m so so sorry! 

RitaRae

Thanks for the reply.  I have been getting condolences from friends and relatives.  I also thought I would feel great relief, especially since he is no longer suffering, but I don't really feel anything.  I am very lucky that I have relatives living with me.  Loneliness on top of this would be horrible.  I threw out our bed and dresser.  I knew I would never sleep in our bed again, after watching the suffering he went through the last three days of his life.  I do know that it is going to take one day at a time and that is all I can handle right now.  

Rita

toni2

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DH and I were married almost 64 years. (63 years, 8 months and 16 days) He died the day I was sick and couldn't go to see him. I thought of you getting rid of your bed and knew why because that was the first thing I did after he died. I don't know how strong I am, but I was alone for 4 years until I moved into my daughter's home. She has a nice place fixed for me so I can be alone if I want or can be with the family. I thank God every day for my children. They have been my support when I needed them.

I pray for peace and comfort for you. The good memories will be there but it's different for everyone. Now take care of you.

Toni

mommyandme (m&m)

RitaRae 

I live in Fort Collins, pretty close. I was looking here for some type of live support group for those of us who have lost our LO. I’ve not found one but I may connect with Pathways to try to move forward with that. Did you use hospice services?  Maybe we could meet in person if that’s of any interest to you. I’ll send a connection invite. 

I hope you’re finding some peace and comfort today. My thoughts are with you and yours.  

RitaRae

I have an AD virtual group and they have helped me a lot.  Myself and another woman in the group have both lost husbands within this last week.  Also, in the group is someone that goes to lunch with other women.  I have been asked twice, but my husband needed to someone to be with him, so I never could join them.  Our moderator is Elizabeth and she sends out a zoom link.  Let me know if you are interested.

Rita