Staying sane in an insane situation

Just Bill

Well DW is moving into the the next level of insanity in this journey. The bolts that are in airplanes are stress tested by pulling on the length and pushing the middle with heavy weight  while twisting, heating and vibrating until it fails. That is what I feel like right now. An aircraft fastener being tested until failure. I exercise an hour every morning, I meditate 3 times a day, and I do lots and lots of breathing as DH turns, twists, heats, pushes, pulls and vibrates me to failure. I am fully aware of my stress cracks and do everything I can to keep keep sadness and depression at bay but every time I adapt to a new set of insanity procedures the the level of insanity keeps increasing. I know the only way to survive is to adapt so I keep adapting. How far will this go ? I am afraid to think too far ahead because the right now is horrific enough. Anyway I feel better for venting off some steam, thanks for being here everyone. Every endorphin hit I can get I take and writing this gave me a little endorphin hit.

Joydean

Bill sorry your dw is progressing. Some days it’s hard to stay ahead of the insanity. Lately I’ve noticed my dh changes day by day. I think for me, my dh will stay at one level for a week or two and then off to the races. 

Glad your vent gave you a tiny break! 

Ed1937

Bill, just having a place where the readers of your post have at least some understanding of where you're coming from has to be one of the positives about a forum like this. The way you described how you have become one of the aviation bolts is easy to understand. But a bolt has no brain, and can't do anything to stop the stress, and reaching the point of failing. Please keep an eye on your stress levels, and take measures to not reach the breaking point yourself.

ARgirl

Bill,

I feel your situation as I too experience the exact feelings. I don't think tomorrow, just want to get thru today.  I have what I call "care giver brain". You are so distracted thinking for your spouse and keeping your house together, you forget about yourself.  I was getting up early to do meditative exercise, but then my spouse gets up with me. So much for any solitude.  I understand he is afraid when I am out of his sight, but how to find solitary time is a definite challenge. And no one not in these situations, understands. It is an awful disease with incredible destruction of the patient...and subsequently the caregiver. I refuse to let Alzheimer's claim me as a casualty. Bu listening to others here does help.

Bubbe 168

I am new here . MyDH has vascular dementia . It’s so confusing to me because he acts so together sometimes and then says something absurd the next . He has been diagnosed with this disorder but if you talked to him you wouldn’t get it .Sometimes  I feel like I’m losing it and I get so angry at him . Then I feel guilty for being angry . This is such a mixed up way to live . 

Jgirl57

Bubbe , you are at the right place to learn, vent 

and ask questions. Just Bill, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts 

with us. I always momentarily feel better after being on the 

forum for a bit .