WOW! Thought I had a handle on things!

JC5

Such a hard week. Realizing I don’t have DH to really talk to about our everyday life .. kids, grandkids, financial stuff just everything! I actually tried to talk to him today about why I am so stressed. I woke up at 3 am and mind just kept going. My venting to him, as I finally realized was heard by a dementia mind! He said he was sorry and I assured him so I thought that it was not his fault !  Later this evening he, as usual, yelled at me saying I never think he does anything right!  We were talking about the $700 gas/electric bill we got today and I again reminded him that he shouldn’t turn the thermostat up, but everyday I have to be the heat police and turn it down and remind him again!  Now realizing it doesn’t matter! Really how stupid of me! Having a really hard time accepting his limitations. Definitely feeling isolated and not knowing what the heck to do my with emotions!  Thanks again for listening

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WHH

I just joined this site and yours is the second post that I read. You really hit me with the "Realizing I don’t have DH to really talk to about our everyday life". I am the caregiver for my wife who has dementia and it's hard taking care of everything, but the most hurtful part of this for me is what you stated. It is so painful realizing that I have lost half of me. 

I dealt with my mother who had Alzheimers and it was different because I had support at home. This sure leaves a large empty space in my life. 

Ed1937

Sorry you had such a hard week. Accepting life for what it is is really hard when you're dealing with this stuff. But if you fully accept it, that will make it a little easier. I think Victoria's suggestion of a cover is excellent. The power company can take the blame.

WHH, welcome to the forum. Sorry you need it, but it's a good one.

JC5

OMG! Thank you! Never knew a cover/ lock box existed for thermostats! Thank you so much!

JC5

WHH. I feel what you are going through. I so much want to believe that there is a bit of him there but sadly and slowly realizing that he is  “going away” into another world w/o me and it breaks my heart and I so wish I could bring him back . Just hard to accept that. Thanks for reaching out. I’m not so alone on this journey with people like you!

JC5

Ed thank you!

ElaineD

You've lost your companion, your helper, one who remembers the funny stories and past events.  Who understands, or tries to understand what you need.  

AND now you have a NEW (but not improved) companion, carrying the burden of Alzheimer's Disease.

I am in an earlier stage with my DH.  But even so I am already grieving the loss of my lifelong companion and feeling inadequate to help my 'New' DH.

You can get a programmable thermostat that will lock out any attempt to alter the temperature unless the correct sequence is initiated.  Just a thought.

Elaine

Quilting brings calm

Another option for the thermostat-

Contact your utility company and see what kind of a deal they are offering on a programmable thermostat.  You control it via an app on your smart phone.  We have an Ecobee and have 4 temperature sensors in various rooms that we can tell it to use or not based on the time of day.  Although you can change the temperature on the thermostat itself, I find it difficult to get the scroll bar to work well there.  It’s easy on the phone.

We have Home, Away, Evening and Sleep comfort settings programmed into it.  Sleep  is set to only use the bedroom sensors. For some reason sone rooms of our house are hotter or colder than others. 

You could still get a locking cover for the thermostat 

GayleK

Maybe this will help to know I am not alone. I had an incredible week with my DH. I was feeling in a funk today and couldn't explain it even to myself until I started to write what happened this week to myself. Banking problems, dental problems he couldn't articulate even right after seeing the dentist minutes later, and no desire for me anymore. I think we've reached a new level of low in this disease process. Two years ago my DH received a diagnosis of MCI from Mayo Clinic. I don't want to travel back. What's the use really? After reading everyone's 2 or 3 neurologists appointments I wonder if it does any good really? My husband is a retired physician with a Ph.D in clinical pharmacology. It doesn't matter anymore. Thank you for listening. I live in MOntana and there isn't a support group in person within 100 mile radius! Yikes.

Joydean

JC you are doing a great job. None of this is easy. My dh can no longer use the thermostat, so he has me turn the heat up. He’s always cold, now says I’m trying to freeze him to death, even though it’s 72 degrees in the house and he has multilayers of clothes on. A small heater in front of him. Sorry but we can’t win this battle no matter how hard we try. 

Accepting can be a challenge. It’s just not in our nature. But this disease will run its course. A few months ago we had a meeting with my husbands psychiatrist, he was discussing several things with me, I brought up the progression, the doc reminded me “you lost your husband years ago, you are his caregiver and he’s your 24/7 patient , or you can look at it as a 3-4 year old child.” He wasn’t trying to be cruel, just true full, but it still hurts.  

You can always vent here!!  

RCT

I feel for you…AD is a very challenging disease for all involved. One of the reasons I am seeing an anticipatory grief counselor is because I am like you…while my husband is not yet in full mid stage , we no longer talk like we used to..I am grieving losing that  part of him and managing everything can be stressful. It’s good to let it out and find ways to care for yourself.

JiminTexas

WHH, just so you know you are not alone, this is also the biggest thing I am dealing with with my DW.  The loss of someone to talk with, to share things with.  At this point she is still fully apable of taking care of herself, but her memory timeframe is shrinking and the ability to connect ideas like you would in a discussion of a topic, like current events, is slipping.  We always stay involved in news and current events and have discussed at length.  Now she can't and i am feeling more and more isolated.  She has become more and more resistent to going out so meeting people has declined over the last few years so we don't even have friends to spend time with.  Even extended family gatherings, whieh we try to have every month to celebrate any birthdays, are becoming a strain on her.  Bottom line, I am becoming more isolated and feeling it.