back in the hospital

notjolly

I haven't been on for a while. My brother Jim is back in the hospital. Two days ago he stopped going for walks and was in his room most of the day. I felt something was wrong but he kept telling me he was fine. Then the next day he is call me up to his room. He couldn't walk. We needed to get him down the stair but couldn't so we call 911. Off to emergence and all day there still couldn't walk spent the night there and was admitted to the the hospital last night. They are going to see if he can be put in a rehab center, but only for two weeks at the most. I just don't know what to do. I have calls in to his doctors but being it is Sunday and it's a VA clinic , all I get is a message system. There is no way we can care for him at my home with stairs and all the cancer problems he has along with dementia. He was having problems swallowing food and was chocking. Threw up and now has diarrhea now at the hospital. 

He filled out the POA for health but decided he didn't want to sign it. and he is too far along for a POA for anything else. I am going to try to get ahold of a social worker for the VA tomorrow and see what can be done to place him somewhere, but my problem is will he sign anything to go to one of these hospice or anything like that.

Just needed to vent. I know that I have to let things play out but him coming back here to live with me just can't happen. thanks for being there. 

LaurenB

Maybe going to the hospital and rehab will afford you the time to ASSIST the social worker with appropriate long term placement fir your brother. Stay firm and forward that coming back to your house is not an option.  Since you aren’t his guardian you may not be under obligation to bring him home.  I had to refuse to bring my dad home from the hospital.  This forced the social worker to have to look at alternative placements. My dad’s wife, while present in the house, was not going to be providing him any services either.  We had to make things crystal clear to the staff.  Good luck.

notjolly

Thank you Lauren, I have to stand firm that he can't return to my home. I spent months trying to get him to a point where he could feel somewhat in control and then he goes off and buys wine hides it from me. Won't tell me that his condition with the cancer is advancing. With all the stairs in my house it is just unsafe for him to be here. If he took a wrong turn in the night he would fall down the stairs. I was sleeping with one eye open most night to listen for him getting up to go to the bathroom. At my age there is no way that I can keep this up. I tried to give him comfort for the last months he has left, it's sad that it's come to this.

notjolly

Now he has C-Diff and can't be discharged to the senior home I had picked out. I'm back to square one in the search and in his recovery. I broke down and had a good cry this morning after talking to him for 20 mins. going around and around about how he can't come back to my home and that I was trying to find a nice place for him. He said he disowned me and that I just wanted to get rid of him. There was no explaining to him why he can't leave the hospital and come back to live with me. 

LaurenB

Once he tests negative for C-diff can he go to the location that you selected or is the hospital ready to discharge him as he doesn’t need that level of care, but there isn’t a facility that can handle the isolation and single bathroom that is needed to manage someone with C-diff?  Either way, placement is the social worker at the hospital’s issue.  You’ve made it clear that he can’t come home with you. The hospital admitted him and now he needs a different level of care.  They should be doing the search for you. That being said, you may not love the facility that they find.

notjolly

thank you for your reply Lauren, they sent me a few places to check out and they said I could tell them which I would like. I picked one they sent the 602 and the owner went to the hospital to see he, found out he had C Diff and told me once he tests neg. she will come back to see if he is a good fit for her place. In the mean time she says she will probably have to give the room to someone else. So I will have to start all over.

My brother doesn't want to go anywhere but back to my house, because there is no cost to him. How do I tell him that is not an option. He doesn't want to pay for it. He says he likes the way his room is now and doesn't want to change it. We go around and around about it being unsafe now because of the stairs. That with his health condition it is only get harder to get around in my house. Of course there is no reasoning with him. He forgets.

How do people do this? Do you set up the room with all their belongs before they get there and then when they are taken there they walk into a room with all their things? That is what I would like to happen. 

Pat6177

Not jolly, I haven’t personally placed a LO (yet) but, you’re right, there’s no reasoning with him. Might be time for a fiblet. Maybe you can tell him the furnace died and it will take 2 months to get the replacement so he can’t stay there. Or there’s termite damage making the stairs unsafe. Another option might be to tell him that you have to have minor surgery and will be in rehab. But the risk with that is that he might say he can stay at the house by himself.  Make it short and sweet since you will be repeating it a lot. 

From what I’ve read on the forum, people do set the room up beforehand if possible. Some things to do to prepare are to put labels on his clothes, find out if you need to supply the bed and if so, will you bring in the one from his room or buy a new one. Ditto for any furniture. I know someone on the spouse forum posted a list awhile ago.

LaurenB

notjolly, you are doing what needs to be done to get yourself and your brother the care you need and he deserves.

As for the future room, some places will let you set up in advance and others don't have the availability to allow that until he takes ownership of the room.  I do recommend having all of his clothes labeled.  Often times the laundry department has a special labeling machine.

You got this!

-Lauren

notjolly

Thank you Lauren for your reply. Today I took him some books he wanted. The doctor told me they didn't think he was contagious anymore but when I went to visit I was told I had to put on gloves and a gown and of course I had my mask on. I didn't touch anything, stood up to talk to him. My question is, if he isn't contagious, why is there signs outside the door warning people  for your safety "STOP" please check with the nurse before entering. Wash your hand put on gown and gloves and upon leaving remove gown and gloves turning them inside out without touching the outside of them and wash your hand with soap.... 

When I went in he thought I was one of the nurse staff until I talked to him. I gave him the books and we talked for a few minutes then he started in saying that they are making a big deal for nothing that he is perfectly fine and will be coming home to his room soon.

Later my nephew called him and Jim told him that he was worried I was going to " kick him out of his room". 

I told Jim that we had to take things one step at a time and that the hospital was the best place for him for now and I would be there for him every step of the way whatever the next steps where. I just don't think I should tell him he isn't coming back to my house. That he needs more care than I can provide. I feel that would just start something. I was going to wait until he finally gets out of the hospital and in to a board and care. I don't know that they will be able to find him a place until their is a negative test. Single rooms with a private bathroom seems like it would be very hard to find while he is testing positive. 

notjolly

Well, rehab found him a senior care facility  about 4 miles from me. We moved him in today. We got to bring all his belonging over the day before and set up his room. He has a private room but a shared bathroom, which is pretty much the way all of them are. Now because I don't have POA he had to sign all the paperwork for the place and was getting very upset. He was wanting to know how much it was going to cost. I told him that Medicare was picking up most of it and $300 a month was coming out of his checking auto transfer. Not sure he bought that. I hate lying but if he knew how much it cost each month I would never hear the end of it. It's the funniest thing. Of all the things he will remember is money. Money is all he thinks about, how much he has and how much things will cost him. He looks to the $ store to buy everything. I am hoping that he forgets about all that and begins to enjoy his room and all his things around him. I told him it was best if I kept his bank statements and cash money at my house and if he wanted or need anything I would bring it over. Which I will then tell him I forgot to bring and will bring it next time. I'm so tired of this. I need a rest but he has my cell phone number and calls me all the time day or after midnight. I have to turn off my phone. I'm dealing with stress cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome). doing better after being in the hospital for two days. I just hope he doesn't climb a fence and get out, get lost and then the senior care tells me they can't keep him there. I know don't think up problems. I'm trying

M1

Hope he adjusts and it works out--good luck.

F&E

You are a wonderful person to have as a loving and caring sister. you are doing a great job caring for your brother. I know it’s hard but keep up the great work,Sis.