All the kings horses and all the kings men

White Crane

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.  Those are the words that went through my head yesterday morning when my DH came into the bathroom while I was getting dressed and was very upset.  He kept asking, "Why am I in my underwear!?  Why am I undressed!?"  I couldn't make him understand that it was only 6:30 in the morning and he had been in bed.  Finally, I was able to guide him back to bed where he continued to mumble for quite a while before going back to sleep.  My smart, funny, strong, talented husband's brain is broken and nothing can put him back together again.  Later, when he got up, he didn't remember anything about the earlier episode and was okay.  I remember though.  Sometimes I wish I didn't.  It is painful to watch his progression.  He is the love of my life and I miss the man he was even as I care for the man he is.

toolbeltexpert

Brenda you nailed it in so many ways. How we wished they would be healed and life would return. But that's not happening. This morning my wife asked me as the cna was tying her shoe, do you ever have problems tying your shoes, I can't tie them like they do. She was so confused. Boy do I hate this Highway robbery.

Scooterr

Very well put White Crane. In away anyone dealing with a LO with any type of dementia we're  on the same journey, but it takes on different roads to get us to the same conclusion. The little losses that never return are so painful. The worse part is thinking we can change these little losses and not being able to fix them. We just have to embrace the positive things we still have with our LO, and sometimes their hard to find. My wife for the most part is non-verbal, but I can tell her I love her and she will tell me, "I love you to." Those are the only words she can still speak. I have to do everything for her from dressing her, brushing her teeth, taking her to the restroom and cleaning her and so on, but I'm very fortunate to still hear those words I love you. That's a win for me and keeps me going. Your doing a  good job White Crane.

White Crane

Thank you, Scooter.  

I am so glad your dear wife can still tell you she loves you. 

Vitruvius

"I love you too" is also about the only sensible thing my DW can say. Apparently song lyrics are stored in a different part of the brain from normal conversational speech. This is why PWD can still remember lyrics.

The only explanation I have come up with for the "I love you too" phenomena is that certain rote phases become lodged in the same part of the brain as song lyrics. This by no means diminishes our LO's saying it, in fact it seems that nature has ensured that no matter what they can still express their love for us. 

M1

Brenda I was writing a thread this morning--ultimately didn't post it--about the pro's and con's of living alone.  I realized the con's are not about being alone so much, but about losing the love of my life to dementia.   I have already lost her even though her bodily shell goes on.  So I agree with you completely.

Ed1937

M1 wrote:

I realized the con's are not about being alone so much, but about losing the love of my life to dementia.   

I think M1 is right on the money with that. Even though my wife did not die from dementia, I lost much of who she was to it. Now it is the realization that I will not even be able to see her that hurts so much. But I guess she was lucky that she didn't have to travel that road to the end.

Sadderthanever

Amen. I just feel depressed with everyday “losses” in DH’s memory.

toolbeltexpert

This is something I had written about I love you.

It maybe store in the part of the brain where rhythm is keep? But it is something we all must have heard from very early on.

A thousand I Love You’s
In one day
Is really Not Ok

They should be spread
Across One’s life
To give a life it’s rhyme.

Some days are fun and full of sun
But they are short and sweet
I love you then, seems like a 10
The day’s we want to keep.

Some days are dull, and like a blur
and many make up life.
I love you then, is like the blur
It’s here and then it’s gone.

Some days are hard, and bittersweet
When life is short, and time complete
I Love you Then, is hard to say
And tears, come down like rain.

So don’t save many for that day.
When words are hard to say.
So When the last I love you’s said
Your  Love it is complete
                                             Stewart   Orell       11/25/10

Ed1937

Love it, Stewart. That's something to remember.

mrahope

In a less poetic vein, I was thinking the other day that having my DH have dementia is kinda like when someone puts a mostly empty milk carton back in the refrigerator.  It looks like there's milk in there, but when you put your hands out and grab it you realize that it is just the package, no actual nourishment to be found there.  Sigh.

RCT

Thanks White Crane…my husband has only entered early Mid stage so you are giving me a Preview of what is to one…however I can relate to little losses and my heart breaks as I care for my loved one. I am learning to meet him where he is and realize that , that will continue to be the case as he declines.