Moving MIL to MC this month worried of her decline

Butterfly02

My husband is an only child, and my MIL is so dependent on him/ the both of us. We are mentally and physically drained. She has lived with us for over a year and now we have both decided to have her placed in MC. He has been the only male in her life since his father passed away in 1998. I have been her primary caregiver for about two years or basically since about a year after covid hit. She was living on her own for about 6 months but was unable to be successful with her own independence. We moved her in upon his request and it has taken a hard hit on our marriage and family life. We live in a two-bedroom apartment. We have a newly teenage son. He gave his living space up for her. It's hard seeing her decline like this, and I know that she needs our help. With all of the stuff that is going on I just want my life back. Am I selfish for wanting this? I know he feels guilty, but he is tired too. I am afraid she will decline even more once we place her in a facility. Hospice comes over and help with showers, but it is at night and evening hours is when she is most work. This disease sucks. Anyone else had this happen to them in their married life?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

*Ollie*

I can relate to what you are going through.  We moved my mom in with us 1.5 years ago and the amount of work and energy it takes to take care of her is more than we could ever have imagined.  We do get help a few times a week but as you know, the needs with dementia are 24/7.   Simple things need so much guidance.  We have 2 daughters that are in college so  they do have to share a room now if they both come visit at the same time.  

I'm an elementary school teacher in a high needs school and when I have a rough day at work, coming home and having to take care of my mom is too much.  I get cranky and snap at her and then feel bad because I know she can't help it.

We are going to be moving her out in the next few month and are in the process of visiting ALF and MC places.  I hope you and I both get our lives back sooner rather than later!

  

harshedbuzz

Butterfly-

Your primary obligation is to your son. He's at an age where having fully engaged parents is really critical. 

I agree with Victoria, her continued decline is inevitable. It's very likely she will get better care in a facility from well trained, experienced and rested staff than from chronically stressed out and resentful caregivers. This will also allow you to step back into the role of family members rather than carers.

HB

Butterfly02

Thanks for your response. We came to the decision to move my MIL into a MC facility. I know that it won't be easy for him, however we all need some rest. I think we did better in the past with her not living with us. Visiting her in her own home was much more pleasant. Her move in date is the first week of March 2023.

Butterfly02

Ollie,

Our move in date is the first weekend of March 2023. All the best to you and good luck finding the best facility for your LO.