Memory Care(1)

cmbennettlo

Has anyone placed their spouse in memory care for up to 6 months, and after training and additional care providers were able to bring your spouse back home?  My husband is in the middle stages and can still conduct his daily activities.

By the way, does anyone know how to flip my profile photo so that it’s right side up?

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dayn2nite2

I don't see the point of that.  To me, you're either placing or not placing.  Do you think the LO's care will get easier?  It won't, it actually gets even harder.

Ed1937

cmbennettio, welcome to the forum. Sorry you have a need for it. But it is a good one. You will get a lot of understanding and support here.

I think Victoria's first few words are right on target. She said "I'd think really hard about why he was placed in the beginning". That should be something to really think over. You wouldn't want to bring him home, then have to place him again. You might want to consider if he has acclimated to the setting he's in now. It could be really chancy to take him out of that setting if he's doing well there. Just my opinion. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's realistic.

Stuck in the middle

I haven't done it, but some others have.  I think Lady Texan brought her husband home and cared for him for the rest of his life, after his extreme behavior stopped while he was in MC.  Several of us advised her against it, but she did it and succeeded.  That being said, I tend to agree with Victoria2020 and Dayn2nite2.  You placed him for a reason.  What will you gain by bringing him home, and what will it cost you?

harshedbuzz

My mom considered doing this. 

I wanted dad placed because his care, even with my support and professional HHAs coming in, was causing her to neglect her own needs and health. She finally agreed when his behavior, which had always been challenging and at times aggressive, turned to talk of murder-suicide. 

She did not want to place him and planned to bring him back home in the last stages so he could die there. It didn't happen. He died from complications of aspiration pneumonia 2 months after he went to MC so she didn't get the chance. But TBH, I think she was still recovering from the trauma of the dementia experience-- the loss of her soul mate, the years of caregiving and the personal costs of giving up what had been a golden retirement and needed to rest and recover. 

Another aspect of this is that some people find it hard to live in a nursing-home-for-one-- the lack of privacy, turning your home into a medical facility and loss of home as a sanctuary. Not everyone feels this way, but some do. I suspect my mom would have. They moved in the mid-stages to be nearer to me and after dad died, she HGTV'ed the daylights out of the place expunging nearly all evidence of dad. She has an extensive collection of art they collected together over the years stashed in a closet she still hasn't hung. 

HB