How to Deal with Naysayers

Wilted Daughter

Mom's talking on the phone is like a strong personality trait (it's always been problematic). I've gradually put things in place for phone safety (i.e. change phones, remove cell phone, add phone security features, blocked some callers etc.). Mom's anosognosia and severe lack of self awareness is a unsafe combo for TALK, TALK, TALK on the phone. 

The main issue is the gossip and misinformation that influences mom to use the phone in an unhealthy/unsafe manner. She talks about distance cousins, then tires to call them from her black book and if the number is wrong/disconnected then calls 411 to find the new number ($). There are unhealthy people in her circle (family, church, friends...) who's phone practices are 'gossiping' and spread rumors when/after she speaks with them her mood changes. 

Yesterday, I delivered flowers to the wife of a family friend who also has dementia. The husband, didn't initially recognize me but once he did he started talking about how I blocked him from calling mom etc. I asked how did he know I blocked him to which he responded that I lived with her... WOW! I explained that there are security features placed on the phone to prevent telemarketing/robo calls and that I did not personally block his number. I wanted to say I don't even know your number, the phone is in my name and I pay the bills so if I block any numbers I have the right to do so, and do not have to explain or discuss with you, but I didn't say that. 

There are people in mom's circle that are negative/bad influences and cause trouble, so I limit mom's phone access. I can't wait to pull the plug on the landline and cancel these people (I know it's not a positive thing to say or feel but...!!!)

SusanB-dil

Can you lose the land-line sooner than later? my brother found a phone for our mom that he programmed for only certain numbers, specifically blocked others anyway, even though they wouldn't have her new number, and she can only call the ones who are programmed, as a parent would for a child-phone.  MIL still has land-line, and since her sister calls, we are leaving it for now. She isn't very good at dialing, anyway, since you have to dial the area code, now. She is not left alone, so when the phone does ring, someone is making sure she isn't dealing with the crank callers. Somehow, she is still good about not giving out info. Kind of amazing, but we are thankful for that.    For your mom's cellphone, could you get one that is programmable and tell her it is an upgrade phone?

M1

Wilted, we have a landline for safety reasons because of bad cell reception in the house---turning off the ringers really helped and my partner never noticed.  she could still call out (on the rare occasions that she did) but she was unaware of incoming calls.  Just a thought, someone on these boards suggested it to me and it made a big difference.  Would obviously have a downside if you needed to reach her by phone, but....

Wilted Daughter

Mom has always been a 'phone person'. She no longer has a cell phone and the landline is in my name with added features to protect/block robo/spam callers. The programable phone sounds interesting. Our current phone can only program incoming calls and in our area we don't have many options for service.

I did add a distinctive ring for some callers and changed caller ID status so outgoing calls would not display the number. She calls whomever she wants and at times I limit calls...it's better now (she did talk on the phone like a teenager).  Due to the current phone features there are few to no incoming calls, but some (troublemakers) complain to her they can't get through.  Conversations with certain people get her riled up...the reason for limiting calls. 

We've changed the phones so many times, just want to ride out the storm (phone drama). It's hard because she doesn't have any 'wanted' activity other than talking on the phone.

Thank you for your responses.