doesn't recognize home

CORDERO

DW broke hip in late November. After surgery she went to an inpatient ot and pt therapy facility for two weeks.  After leaving there, she came to our home where we have lived for 22 years, but did not believe it was home.  She continually wants to know when we are leaving there to go home.  Hates where we are, has no connection or friends there.   Hard to know how to answer the question.  I think it is more a question of not being able to do things she could do before because of the fracture, although she is making good progress with continuing therapy.  Drivers license expired in November.  She hopes to resume driving, but that is out of the question.  Lacking freedom to drive where she wants is a continuing theme.

M1

Welcome to the forum.  What a dilemma.  Have you thought about taking her out for a drive and bringing her back, just to see if you can possibly "reset"?  Just a thought.  As she continues to improve, there might be slight hope that this will settle down, but you probalby can't count on that.

Before memory care last year my partner started not being able to recognize me, but never didn't recognize home.  Now she still wants to go "home," but doesn't remember where home is.  Has completely forgotten our farm and animals where she's lived for the past 25 years.  Many folks here have written about their loved ones wanting to go back to their childhood homes--somehow those childhood memories being the ones that are oldest and therefore most durable.  This happens to my partner too, she wants to go back to her childhood home in Texas, it appears that that's all she remembers now.  So maybe that's what your wife is referencing, you might be able to explore that with some gentle questions.

Ed1937

M1 said that she may be looking for a home from the past. That's true. But you said " I think it is more a question of not being able to do things she could do before because of the fracture". You could be onto something there too. Another theory about what they mean when they want to go home is that they may be looking for a place in time when things were easier. Maybe you could ask her to tell you a little about the home she wants to go to. That could give you some idea of what she really wants.

Pat6177

In addition to the above posts… Maybe it’s time for a fiblet. As one of the dementia experts said in a YouTube video, lies are told to deceive, fiblets are told to relieve. Tell her the place you’re at is a rehab because she still needs the OT and PT and once she’s better, you’ll go back home. Or deflect - tell her the weather is bad and you’ll go later. Or the road is closed due to a car accident. I don’t know what stage she is so I don’t know if she’ll immediately forget. I’m assuming she will so you just rinse and repeat. Similarly, tell her she can’t drive because her hip hasn’t mended enough and she’ll have to wait until the dr gives her clearance. You’ll just have to notify the dr ahead of her next appt not to give her clearance! And make sure she doesn’t have access to keys to any vehicle. Hang in there, I know it’s exhausting.

prov1kenobi

These comments really hit “home”. My wife and I have been caregivers to my brother.

He is constantly asking us where he is. we tell him that he is in the home that he and I built 50 years ago. in spite of the fact that he is surrounded by memorabilia from his life, He insists that this is not his home. We go around in circles regarding this. So I prettymuch tell him that I do not want to argue anout it. My niece has picked him up several times, and returned to this same place. He knows now, after several small trips, that this is a scam. I think “home” to him, means that he wants to go home to his parents’ home ( my home too when I was younger ). That home was a place of security, peace, and love. He want to back to the days when he was safely around his mother and father.

there is a paper available in this site titled Understanding the Dementia Experience that I found was a great source of information regarding dementia. I think it should be read by all of us.

Sorry this post is so scattered. there is so much i want to say, but it is hard yo organize it all

CORDERO

Thanks for your suggestions

Ed1937

Here is a link to the one prov mentioned. https://www.alzconnected.org/uploadedFiles/understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf