I hope this is not a restricted topic - purpose

let14intohof

My therapist says I need to define a purpose in my life.  I understand my purpose is to take care of the woman I love or once loved - I hate to admit that I'm not sure which.  But,....does what I want ever count, which is to not exist?

M1

Welcome to the forum.  I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  Glad you have a therapist.  No topic is off limits here, though what you say raises my feelings of concern for you.

I think we all understand the pain and loss that you are going through.  I think even for a therapist it may be hard to grasp the feeling that the only thing keeping you going is that "for better, for worse" pledge you made to her--formally or informally.  And when in the trenches of it, I would also be hard-pressed to be able to think about any other purpose right now.  A wise friend once told me that the hardest thing you are ever asked to do in life is to provide safe passage to someone you love.  I remind myself of that all the time.  It's enough to keep me from despair.  It's something I want to be able to say that I have accomplished.  That's what we are about here.  You are providing her safe passage.  Maybe at another time, there will be another opportunity to rethink the rest of it.

Hang in there, there are people here who do understand.  Glad you posted.

LaurenB

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and glad that you found this group.  For some caregivers finding a safe place to provide care for their LO is a best decision.  Could this be a possibility for you while allowing yourself to discover what makes you happy?

Joydean

Welcome! Are you really wanting to give up? Dealing with a love one with dementia is not only hard it is very difficult. Each and everyone of us here is going down this extremely hard road. It’s not easy for any of us. If you’ve read any of the other posts you can definitely see and understand just how rough this road is. But you can’t just quit. There is another life depending on you. Believe it or not but you are stronger than you think and you are not alone. We all have a purpose, sometimes we just don’t always understand how much we are needed. 

Keep coming back and stay with us! We help each other. Good thoughts coming your way. 

Hollyflower36

Any advice on having to care for a narcissistic and neglectful parent with Alzheimer’s? How do you let go of the resentment of caring for someone who didn’t care about you?  Unfortunately, I am an empath, sensitive, so it’s very hard on me.  I have to show affection and love, I feel like a fake.

VKB

All our feelings have value and must be acknowledged. And we must get rest and relaxation or else we will become burned out.  Also, if we want peace and joy in our lives, even as we care for others, we need to keep our thoughts positive. When I cared for both my parents, I was amazed how good I felt by only allowing myself upbeat thoughts and not feeling sorry for myself.  This positive thinking made me happier and gave me more energy.  I prayed for you.  Peace always, Ronnie

F&E

I love my (6e) wife, she knows it.how ever hard it gets I will do my best to care for her it is my purpose Hug kiss and love yours while you still can. Be strong and brave for you and her.be thankful for what you have You can do it but you must be there

let14intohof

Thanks for replying.  It sounds good when you say it.  I just really don't get it.

let14intohof

IDK....It's only been a couple months since her stroke and I'm still just spinning emotionally....

let14intohof

Believe me, I get the part where I'm needed.  And I get the idea of living to protect the ones you love....but it seems like nothing I want has any value at all anymore.  Thanks for answering me.

let14intohof

I understand what you're saying about purpose.  My therapist made me read a book by Victor Frankl....kind of the father of "purpose/meaning" psychology.  I know I have a purpose.  It just isn't enough.

let14intohof

I love your honesty....