Sibling confict over alternative medicine

freelancer

Has anyone else experienced a conflict with a family member about alternative vs. traditional medicine? My sister and I otherwise have a good relationship. We both want what's best for our mother but we disagree on what that is. (We have a brother but I think he wants to stay out of this potential conflict.)

Our mother (age 92) has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. She's currently taking donepezil,  prescribed by her PCP. The doctor said it could slow the decline of her memory and after 6 months of taking it, her MOCA score is stable. I live in the same city; she and my father live independently at a retirement community.

My sister (who lives 600 miles away and visits 3-4 times a year) is pushing functional medicine and persuaded my father to pay for a year at a functional medicine clinic here. That doctor did blood tests and prescribed custom nutritional supplement pills to address whatever deficiencies he found in the tests (he did not provide us the results). He's also not promising to restore her memory, just to slow the decline. Mom's PCP (and I) think these pills are probably harmless, but they cost over $300/month. And each office visit costs $300 in addition to the monthly $120 membership fee just to be able to schedule appointments.

The functional medicine doctor also recommended craniosacral therapy. My sister had one experience with it in the past and believes what its practitioners claim. I've found criticism of it online from a scientific/medical perspective, which influences me. I think it's just light massage and could have no effect on cognitive function. After 3 sessions, my mother says she feels no different and doesn't want to do any more. The therapist however, wants to train me to do something daily to my mother and have my mother return every month or two. My sister is pressuring me to do this training but I haven't decided whether to go ahead.

I could just go through the motions of the training to avoid conflict with my sister, but now she also wants my mother to stop going to her PCP because that doctor is "not up-to-date and forward thinking." My sister wants my mother to stop taking the 2 prescription meds she's on (donepezil as mentioned and buspirone for anxiety.)

I'm suspicious of functional medicine because of the lack of scientific studies and the amount of money the clinic charges. I think their motive is profit. My sister says I'm not open to other approaches.

Any feedback would be welcome.

harshedbuzz

Who has mom's POA? Is she still competent to be making these decisions? That's the person to be calling the shots around this.

Can they afford to do both approaches assuming her PCP feels the alternative approach won't harm her? Family harmony may be worth that price. 

HB

freelancer

We haven't discussed whether she's competent; I think sometimes she understands and sometimes doesn't. Her husband (our father) is her POA. My sister has been able to persuade him to pay for the functional medicine appointments and the craniosacral therapy, saying they could prevent him from having to pay for memory care for Mom in the future. They can afford the extra expense, fortunately.

About the PCP decision, I've started thinking I'll just say I don't think it's in Mom's best interest to leave the doctor she's been seeing for 12 years now.

Quilting brings calm

I think you are absolutely right,  The ‘doctor’ is interested in making money  $300 a month for vitamins is ridiculous.  My mom is on donepizel also along with medications for anxiety and depression.  I’m not sure that the memory medication helps, but it’s a lot less than $300 a month.  

You and your father need to come to an understanding.  This understanding needs to include the fact that if he wants your help ( and surely he does), then your opinion needs to count for more than your sisters. You are here and she is not.  He’s chasing rainbows with money that will be needed for both their care before this is done.  There are dementia patients that survive for over a decade.   The level of care and the cost goes up over time.  Even AL costs go up annually without increases in care. my parents went up 14% in two months. 

In addition, your time is valuable.  Do you really want to be ‘doing something daily’ to your mom that you don’t agree with? Going there, coming home.  That’s not them living independently- that is you providing daily help in addition to whatever else you are currently doing for them.  If your mom is 92, then you are probably 60 or older.  You need to take care of yourself too. This is a marathon not a sprint. 

Your sister is disrespecting you and your time.   Tell her she is welcome to move them to her town and take over their care, or quit her job, disrupt her life and move to where you are. Otherwise she needs to respect your opinions and your time.  

Iris L.

Is this a Bredesen clinic?  If you search Bredesen therapy, you will read a lot of threads about vitamin and other therapies.  

IMO your sister should pay for the vitamins and the exorbitant monthly charges and perform whatever craniosacral therapy she wants herself. 

Iris L.

GothicGremlin

Yeah......

I went through this with my brother over my sister's care. In my brother's case he wanted us to use Dr. Bredesen's approach - which seemed sketchy to me (short critique here: https://scienceblog.com/516401/bredesen-protocol-not-proven-to-prevent-or-reverse-alzheimers-says-ucsf-neurologist/ ) . The Bredesen stuff  included lots of very expensive supplements. When I did the math the cost per month was about $5,000. My brother thought this was entirely reasonable. Bredesen also included in his protocols a few things that we know helps:  a Mediterranean diet, social engagement, exercise, and good sleep. <-- These are sometimes referred to as "best practices."

Before opting not to go down the Bredesen/supplements path, I talked to several doctors about supplements. Each of them said essentially the same thing to me - they were worried about quality and purity. None of them recommended that my sister take supplements.

I'm suspicious of functional medicine because of the lack of scientific studies and the amount of money the clinic charges. I think their motive is profit. My sister says I'm not open to other approaches.

I'm with you. 

P.S. I have my sister's POA so I was able to shut down the Bredesen experiment pretty fast.

harshedbuzz

freelancer wrote:

We haven't discussed whether she's competent; I think sometimes she understands and sometimes doesn't. Her husband (our father) is her POA. My sister has been able to persuade him to pay for the functional medicine appointments and the craniosacral therapy, saying they could prevent him from having to pay for memory care for Mom in the future. They can afford the extra expense, fortunately.

Who is the successor for mom's POA? If your mom is 92, your dad is likely about the same age so it is critical you have a Plan B should he be unable to care for mom due to his own death or disability. If you and sis are joint as successors things could get ugly. If possible, I would insist dad take mom to fix that now.

HB

freelancer

Thanks for all the comments and information.

This clinic does use the Bredesen approach, but not with my mother, because she made it clear she didn't want to make major changes in her lifestyle. Also, she hasn't been diagnosed with dementia, just MCI. The functional doctor is encouraging a Mediterranean diet and increasing her daily water consumption, which is all good.

I hadn't thought about the issue of the quality of the supplements, thanks for mentioning that.

I'm the secondary person on the health care POA, since I'm local, so that shouldn't become an issue.

I realized that I haven't specifically asked my mother if she agrees to the ongoing craniosacral treatment, so I'll do that today.