Struggling to have a conversation?

Ed1937

I just found an old thread about caregivers struggling to have a conversation with their LO. Does anyone have this problem, or could you use some tips on starting a conversation with them? Maybe tips on how to have meaningful connections with them? If so, this has the potential to be a good thread. That's all I have for now. Let's see if anyone would welcome help like this.

saltom

I would love ideas for starting and sustaining a conversation.  I have had a little bit of luck sometimes reading the "what happened many years ago on this day" column in the newspaper especially if it is something from when we were in elementary school.  It can lead to a   remember the good old days talk though it's usually quite short lived. Conversations seem more like cocktail party chit chat than a really meaningful conversation. I find conversation even harder now that DH is in memory care.

Joydean

Ed I would love to find that old thread. I honestly enjoy and learn from the old threads. I’ll be looking for something and before I know it I have read a great deal. Very interesting and informative.

Ed1937

This is a thread I started almost 2 years ago. There were no replies to my original post, but I still think it could be a good idea. The cards are no longer available, but we can make up our own, with a little input from others. Watch the video. Here's the entire thread: Dr. Natalie has come up with a way to engage with your LO. Check out the link to see what you think. Digital copies are only $9.99, or you can order hard copies. https://www.careblazers.com/cards  Let me know what you think.

Joydean

Ed I like your idea. It could helpful. 

When I try to engage my husband, sometimes I will start by saying “I have been thinking of that time you told me about your grandpa and the chickens “.  This was a favorite memory of his grandpa. Even though he has a very hard time trying to get a few words out he will start smiling and tell me a little. That will sometimes lead to other memories. 

Ed1937

Let's all add something that could foster a conversation. It might not be a good idea to ask "Do you remember.....", but "Tell me about the best time you had when you were in school". Or "Tell me what you liked the most about your Aunt Mary". Or "Tell me about your first car". (might be careful with that last one if they ask to drive)

OK, your turn. This should be pretty easy. The goal is simply to get them to talk, or if they're having a hard time with speaking, they might enjoy listening to your answers on some of those things. But if they tell you they went to Horace Mann high school, and you know they went to George Rogers Clark, let it go. Don't correct them.

sandwichone123

My dh has fairly limited conversation skills now, but I can always get him going on a favorite topic by singing part of a ditty, or saying, DUDE!" which elicits a story about his son loving Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

It's not what I would normally think of as meaningful conversation, but I think he enjoys it and it makes him feel heard.

M1

I had whiplash on this very topic today, spent a pleasant hour with my partner and an old friend/former client of hers (whose brother and father both died of Alzheimer's). Showtiming very evident, she was thrilled to see him, held hands with me as we sat side by side, but most of the conversation was scaffolded by her listening to the two of us reminisce, she herself could add very little.  As soon as he left her demeanor changed: why won't you ever talk to me about going home, you don't want me, you don't care, im sick of you telling me the doctors say I have to be here, on and on. So course i made my excuses and left. Nothing works. Id love to hear suggestions.

Ed1937

ttt

Another Day

I could sure use some help in this area. My/our loved ones don't see where anything is wrong with my DH. B-U-T they are only ever around for short periods of time and he seems to put on the "normal show" whenever he needs to. Another B-U-T.... he can only hold up for so long. A few loved ones have witnessed some "slips" and brushed it off as he's getting older.

Pat6177

Ed, I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days and I realize just how tough it’s gotten and how much silence there is now. We talk about the hummingbirds that come to the feeder, we talk about the cat and we talk about the weather. Anything more complicated gets difficult. I discovered last year how much of his long term memory is gone. I still do what Joydean does and bring up certain incidents from the past that he had told me about and that sometimes works. Sometimes, in conversation, something is said that reminds him of a song. I’m terrible with lyrics but I’ve got Siri! Yesterday, the mention of time led to us watching Time is on my side by The Rolling Stones. He remembered a couple of the band members and we looked up the rest. Then discussed the British Invasion. I just never know what will spark a memory! I’ll keep trying to come up with something. If I do, I’ll post again!

Ed1937

What's the worst thing that happened to you as a kid?

Tell them about things you saw at the fair, or at a carnival.

Talk about the parade you took part in.

Anything most kids do.