Memory Care Roller Coaster

saltom · February 2023

DH is going into his fifth week of out of home care in a licensed elder care family home. It is not really memory care, but the owner and staff have extensive experience with dementia residents. DH is very gradually settling in, but it has been sort of a roller coaster ride and I have never liked roller coasters. The second night there DH got out of bed and wandered into someone else's room looking for me. Hospice supplied a bed with rails, and the night caregiver has a roll away cot that he sleeps on in DH's room to quiet him when he wakes at night. DH finally slept through the night one time this past week. In one breath he says he's in jail, he can't stand being there, he's going crazy there, and in the next breath he says how nice the caregivers are and how good the food is. Last Sunday morning he called me ranting and raving about being kidnapped and that he slapped the caregiver. Actually, he kicked the caregiver. That night we celebrated our 64th wedding anniversary with pizza for everyone supplied by me and a cake supplied by the owner of the facility. It was like one big family and DH joined in the conversation. DH thought he was going to be going home with me that night and called me wanting to know how he was going to get to work the next day. I visit him daily and very slowly he seems to be acclimating more and more to living out of our home. He announce he guessed he'd just be there until he dies which he would have liked to have been yesterday. I have told the staff they can call me for DH whenever he wants to talk with me as that seems to reassure him and settle him down. I think the sense of loss of control is really hard for him, but the daily calls are getting really hard for me. Today was the first day with out a phone call. Suggestions welcome.