Big bathtime mistake and confusion with geting dressed

White Crane

DH hadn't showered in two weeks and I was trying a different approach on Saturday.  Rather than telling him he needed to take a shower which is always met with resistance, I asked him if he would rather take a bath or a shower.  Naturally, he chose a bath.  It almost turned out to be a disaster!  He fell to a sitting position getting into the tub.  I got him all scrubbed and his hair washed and he said it felt good.  Then it was time to get out.  He couldn't get up.  I tried to talk him into the correct position but he kept falling back.  Finally, just before I was going to call 911, he managed to get to his knees and pull himself up.  He was exhausted by the time he got out of the bathtub.  I felt...and still feel guilty for what happened.  He could have gotten hurt.  He could have broken a hip.  Thank God he didn't!  From now on, it will be strictly showers or sponge baths.  It's my responsibility to keep him safe.

Yesterday I laid out his clothes for church.  I put two shirts on the bed so he could have a choice.  Well, he got dressed and came downstairs for breakfast and I noticed something didn't seem right.  He had put on both shirts!  One on top of the other.  Not wanting to embarrass him, I simply told him I thought he would be more comfortable if he took the top shirt off.  He looked confused and then realized he had both shirts on.  He is declining.  Sigh.

Beachfan

Brenda, 

When DH was still at home, he had several minor falls.  I was always within 5 feet of him; he would somehow get his feet tangled up, lose his balance and slowly fall on the ground.  Like you, I tried to talk him into position to get up, but he was agitated and panicky, and nothing worked.  I found if I left him alone for awhile, he eventually calmed and figured out what to do.  I’m thinking that approach would not work in the bathtub.  You are certainly a dedicated caregiver!  

Ed1937

Brenda, no guilt! What you did was something most of us would think was the right thing to do. It wasn't a wrong decision. It worked!! The fact that he had a hard time getting up was just something that happened, but it wasn't your fault. It might be your responsibility to keep him safe, but you can't possibly foresee everything. Please don't question yourself.

Kibbee

Falls are difficult and frightening to deal with.  I'd rather clean up after a BM than deal with the stress, anxiety and physical challenge of helping DH get up from the floor and back on his feet.  With a BM it's gloves, wipes and some air freshener and we are good to go.  But with a fall, every time it happens I wonder if this is the time I'll have to call 911 or one of my wonderful neighbor guys for assistance.  So far I have managed on my own but each fall is scary because it makes me worry about how long I will be able to take care of him at home if the falls become more frequent and my ability to get him off the floor declines.  

I remind him all the time that I only ask him to do one thing for me, and that is to ask for help before getting out of bed or up from is recliner.  I even keep a score board in his bedroom to track of the number of days without a fall.  Every night when he is safe in bed we update the number and talk again about the importance of asking for assistance, and I praise him and thank him for helping me by being so careful.  I think the reminders do help to keep him more aware of his fall risk.  His last streak of "no falls" was 25 days, and his best streak was 29 days.   But he still has lapses.  Yesterday he got out of his recliner and immediately ended up on the floor.  So last night his score changed to 0 days.  Sigh.  If we get through today we can update it to 1 day, and then hopefully keep strong and safe going forward. 

White Crane

 Thanks, beachfan and Ed.  It was kind of like you said, Beachfan, when I stepped back for a few seconds and stop talking he figured it out and got his feet under him.

And, thank you for your kind words, Ed. I guess you’re right, I don’t need to feel guilty. Maybe it’s more scared than guilty. I was so afraid he would get hurt.

White Crane

Kibbee, yes, falls are very scary.  I know that if he breaks a hip, it will be very bad. You sound like a very loving and conscientious caregiver. Your husband is blessed to have you.

Jgirl57

My HWD/Alz has also not initiated showering on his own.

What I have started doing is turning on the shower and get towel

cloth ready and tell him to shower while the water is warm and then I just stand there

And avoid eye contact and he heads to the bathroom. He is able to wash himself ok, he just does not initiate on his own. i do not attempt this daily because of the stress for me .

I do have a shower chair on stand by for the future.

Kibbee

Using the shower had to be stopped for DH because his mobility issues made it difficult and unsafe to get him in and out.  But I’ve found he can stay clean by other approaches.  Every time he has an underwear change I give him wipes so he can attend to his bits and bobs.  If he has a BM his bum gets a soapy washcloth clean up.  A couple times a week he gets his hair washed (easy cuz there’s not much there!), and a tip to toes sponge off.  I bought a clippers so I can keep his hair and beard neat and tidy.  He also gets a foot soak  and rub, which he really likes, plus toenail care.  So far, even though he can no longer have a real all-over shower, we’re keeping him clean and presentable.

Joydean

Brenda you were doing the best you could do. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I know I would have started to get a little panicky on how to get dh out of the tub. As you said when you took a pause he figured it out. That was a good win for both of you. He enjoyed the bath! Take care. 

Iris L.

Try a shower chair if he can step into the tub.  If not, try a shower transfer bench.

Iris

Stuck in the middle

We learn as we go.  And we keep learning, because the rules keep changing.

gampiano

Hello, I'm new to this forum, and my DH gives me a hard time with showering. We use a bench, and a hand held shower and it's still stressful! I stumbled on these two AMAZING products one night when I was searching for some solutions. They are great, and I will never shampoo my Husbands hair in the conventional way again. Look on Amazon for:Nurture Shampoo Cap. This literally looks like a shower cap, and it has shampoo and water inside the cap. Read about it and Buy a box. What an amazing product!

The other things I use, frequently, are: Scrubzz Rinse Free bath sponges. You will not believe how mess free, stress free, and effective these are. These are bath alternatives and will make your life so much  easier, as you take care of your spouse and keep the both of you safe.

I wish I knew how to send the links but I haven't figured that out yet.