Dragging feet for guardianship - vent?

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

So it's been about half a year since we were told that we will (probably) have to go with guardianship for our mom but nothing has really happened since then. I'm starting to get really frustrated with it.

We've been leaning towards our older sister (os) being mom's guardian. However, she's worried both about the cost of obtaining guardianship and no longer being financially reimburse for caring for mom. OS believes having guardianship means she can't spend time with mom anymore so she's basically paralyzed from going anything. BIL is very anti-family and their own family is also limited on resources; he berates OS constantly about spending time with our mom and buying mom necessities. OS gets reimbursed from the state but if she's guardian, she can't get paid for caring for mom and BIL won't allow her not to work just to be with our mom.

Our younger sister (ys) has said that she could probably be mom's guardian instead but she too is concerned about the cost. I do not think I will be a good guardian for mom but I am willing to help cover the cost to my abilities. I constantly tell YS and OS that I can help contribute and that the court/lawyers would probably be willing to set up a payment plan or financial aid but it seems like they're not listening to me. 

OS started even saying it's not worth it to get guardianship, that we/mom do(es) not need it! I'm so frustrated that she thinks that. If something were to happen to mom, it'll probably either fall to dad or the state and then it'll be out of our control which is what OS does not want. The three of us do not believe dad's responsible enough with his resources and he is already operating under the assumption that OS is mom's guardian(!!) though there's no legality to it.

I just see a whole mess in front of me with a solution but no means to act it out. I'm so annoyed! I'm so frustrated.

harshedbuzz

I'm confused. Has your dad passed since you created your profile? Is there some compelling reason like his own dementia or terminal illness that makes him a poor candidate for being his spouse's guardian?

In a situation where a PWD needs guardianship, it would generally be the spouse who would act. This can be really tricky because a guardian would have all of the same rights as a spouse including access to their joint marital assets.

That said, I don't see that it is fair to expect your older sister to put her marriage at risk in taking on this burden. I can't condemn your BIL for not supporting your sister caregiving if their family requires 2 incomes. 

Have you actually talked to a CELA about this?

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

My apologies HB. I'll try to clear up some misunderstandings.

No he's still alive. Dad's financially irresponsible and mismanages his things. Mom had said she wanted OS to be her POA at the beginning so OS being guardian is a manifestation of that. Dad also has extreme executive dysfunction and often puts things off until it's much too late. OS is more prompt. He has made very little effort to understand dementia as well. That's why we think someone else should be guardian.

OS has spoken with a CELA twice which is why we have been "pursuing" a guardianship and how we have a vague understanding of what the cost could amount to. We being OS, me, and YS.

I personally don't want OS to be guardian for various reasons. I don't think I'm forcing her. I've told her about third party guardianships and YS says she could do it too so it's not like she has to be the one. As far as I know, Os wants to be mom's guardian, but is worried about finances. I don't blame her. Mom's dementia is one of many strains on OS and BIL's relationship, too. 

OS is mom's "medical proxy" (in quotes because I don't know the actual term and I don't know if it's in writing. She manages mom's doctor appointments and stuff) so we thought her being guardian would be practical with the information she has.

Let me know if you'd like any other info. I genuinely appreciate your input on things.