How to get out of this rabbit hole?

JC5

A year ago I was confused stressed angry sad and dealing with DH anger issues. Today I’m all of the pre mentioned and now adding a very apparent decline in short term memory! It’s sad it’s scary lonely for us both. I feel so helpless and still want to make it stop! I’m having heart palpitations which I assume are due to stress but will have it checked. I feel all I can do is be here for him. I don’t know how to live my life anymore and I know this is just the start/middle I’m not sure. I need to stop going down this rabbit hole I’m in and live this life as best I can. What’s your advice? Thanks again for your insight!

dayn2nite2

The first thing to be done here is for you to see your doctor about the palpitations and a full physical needs to be done.  If you're like most of us, you are last on the list to see a doctor and not only I, but other caregivers found that we developed a chronic illness/disease due to the stress of caregiving.

Absolutely your heart needs to be looked at, thyroid, full blood work at minimum.  Don't let his disease kill you.

Iris L.

dayn2nite2 wrote:

  Don't let his disease kill you.

Ditto!  Be aware, one quarter of caregivers expire before their LO.

Iris

MaryG123

In addition to seeing your doctor asap, can you talk to a friend, go for a walk, or join an in person support group?  I’m so sorry for your difficulties JC5.  Hugs to you (())

JC5

Just an update... got checked out all good just anxiety. Oh boy! Need to meditate!

Dio

JC5, glad things checked out. But please don't let your health slip from you going forward. It'll be a long haul. Many of us have gone through what you're going through. I've definitely neglected my own health and well being for the past 2 years, focusing just on DH. Thankfully, my PCP is so on top of us, being so aware of my DH's dementia condition, that she's the one initiating/ordering tests for me without my asking or having to see her. Full comprehensive metabolic panel, lipid profile, and glycohemoglobin just to get a snapshot of where I'm at. My blood pressure is undergoing huge swings, high back to normal then high then normal...sigh. So I'm not considering blood pressure medication at the moment.  Nonetheless, it's a wake-up call to take better care of myself. Don't let this disease take away two precious lives.

MaryG123

I’m glad you got checked out JC5, but I have to add that “Just anxiety” can make your life miserable and erode your health.  I speak from experience when I say that sometimes all the self care and relaxation techniques in the world won’t work if the anxiety is extreme.  I’ve had two periods in my life, for about two years each, when I’ve gone on anti-anxiety meds and they allowed the additional quality of life practices like exercise, yoga, meditation, and social contacts to finally be effective.  Your situation as a caregiver is not the usual day to day stress that your doctor might be familiar with.

Another Day

So glad that you got checked out. People who know the situation I'm in with my DH began reminding me that I needed to take care of me when they saw that I had begun having health issues. I'm glad they did. I took it as a wake up call and have been more aware of not only looking out for my DH, but also myself. As one good friend told me, "you won't be able to take good care of him if you don't take good care of yourself." 

What are you doing to take care of you? What do you seek out to de-stress? Make sure that you are eating well, some vitamins and supplements might be in order also. We caregivers tend to get isolated, do you have any support? The stress of your situation is the reason for your short term memory issues. That's why you need to find ways to de-stress. Depending on your situation, can you go for a walk? Are you safe to leave him long enough for a soak in the tub? Maybe Epsom salts or magnesium flakes and lavender essential oil for a 20 minute soak? 

When his anger is raging, can you go to a different level or room in the house? In other words remove yourself from him until he settles down. Be careful what is influencing him. If watching the news sets him off, put something else on. If he protests, tell him that you notice that it upsets him too much. I've been there, done that. Figure out his triggers and address them the very best that you can. My DH is very sensitive to what he watches on television, listens to on the computer or radio and what he reads. I've become a pretty good filter. I had to, the anger full on and full time was just too much! Another good idea is to play peaceful/calming music in the background. It really does make a difference. Be careful of his diet too with that anger going on. Mass quantities of junk food aren't going to help anything. Actually, both of you need to be eating as healthy as possible. I almost forgot, people either on the phone or while out running errands.... can set my DH off. I've had to be careful, as much as I can, of who he is exposed to. I'm careful where I take him and yes I filter phone calls if I think it's necessary at the time. 

Do you have contacts you can text or call if you see his anger is going to go physical with you? You text or call ____ whoever, they call and get him redirected or diffused. They understand that if you call for help, you need it now, they call and talk to him about whatever it takes until he's thinking of something else. I have a couple of people who I can call in an emergency situation. They don't live nearby, but they work wonders when things are going haywire in a hurry. Your safety is important. 

Just my thoughts. ~