My DH suffered a massive stroke and passed away

Stella Luna

I am numb and shattered. Not too long ago I wrote in this forum that I could not contribute often because my DH was shadowing me all the time, asking what I was doing and following me everywhere I went. Now I am ALONE……the love of my life is gone forever, I have all the time in the world to myself, what irony!

Doctors told me Seroquel could not have caused it. A small artery in his brain burst leaving a huge hematoma that left him without speech and his right side paralyzed. After a traumatic stay in the intensive care unit, they told us that he needed a feeding tube in order to start rehab because he couldn’t swallow. My DH and I had signed a Living Will that directs his life not be extended by life-sustaining procedures, including the administration of nutrition and hydration if he had an end-stage condition. After talking to our lawyer and doctor he was transferred to hospice and passed away 9 days after. 

On the day my DH suffered the stroke, we had taken a 2 1/2 mile walk, he was active, still loved to hit tennis balls with the pro, enjoyed sunsets, sitting by the fire, walking the beach….in a second he was paralyzed and unable to do or say anything! My friends say it was a blessing in disguise because he avoided the very hard final years of Alzheimer’s ( he was in stage 6), but am struggling with guilt and loneliness.

RobertsBrown

Hi Stella,

I had this same experience with my father.  For what it's worth, I understand those 9 days very well, and I understand the doubt, and strength, and the challenges to the decision, and the resolution required.  And of course, those 9 very long days in the hospice facility.

Of course, my condolences on your loss.  In addition, my appreciation of your strength and the very good thing you did for your husband.  I had some doubters, but his brother, my uncle, who cared for his wife with Alzheimer's for decades, could not stop telling me that this was 100% the right thing.  It is. Please be kind to yourself.  Guilt is a racket.

Jo C.

Dearest Stella Luna, I am so very sorry for your heartbreak at the loss of your beloved husband; what an unexpected  and shocking thing to have happen.

You have done so well and right to the very end you were his valiant advocate making hard but loving decisions that were best for him.

When your are up to it, please let us know how you are; may strength, solace and peace find and embrace you.

With a soft hug being sent your way,

J.

Pat6177

Stella, my condolences. You took such good care of your DH right up to the end, ending with honoring his wishes for end of life care. That is such a loving thing to do for him. Take care.

Iris L.

Stella, I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband.  He was active until the end.  That does not sound bad to me.  My dad died of a sudden massive stroke also.  

Iris

Mint

Stella I’m so sorry for your loss of dear husband.

Joe C.

Stella, My sincere condolences for the sudden loss of you husband. May you find some peace in the days ahead.

M1

Stella I too am sorry for your loss.  Sounds like you handled everything very well, so glad your living wills were in order.  Peace to you as this new stage of life progresses.  I hope when I get where you are, the pain of these last few years will fade and that the happy memories will predominate in time.

Joydean

Stella I am sorry for your loss. You did everything you could for your husband. I hope and pray you will have strength and peace in your heart knowing you did everything you could for your husband. Prayers for you and your family. Take care of yourself now.

toolbeltexpert

Stella so sorry for your loss. No words I can say will heal the hurt you feel. You were a great caregiver and you followed the directions your dh wanted. I haven't had to walk that path, but none of us knows what will be. I will be praying for you.

Another Day

Stella Luna, 

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. I hope if/when the time comes I can follow your brave example. My DH, also a very keen shadower, has requested the same. Thank you for sharing and may you find peace in your heart knowing that he is at peace and completely healed. ((Hugs))

Hoot619

The last day when he had the stroke, he was still active and enjoying himself. You were doing for him what he liked. I know you are feeling  a loss now but that will change. You will let the ending fade away in time and remember the good times you had before. I'm going thru that now and it does get easier. Yes we still tear up ever so often when we really miss them. It's only right that we do.

loveskitties

Stella, I am so very sorry for the sudden loss of your DH.

I know how hard it was to make that final decision, as we had to do that for my Dad.  

I hope that the good memories of your time together will help as you move forward.

Sligo177

I am so sorry Stella, it just came so suddenly.  No one knows how things will happen.  You were a wonderful advocate for you DH, and I wish you comfort during this very hard adjustment period.

Stella Luna

Thanks to all of you for your kind words of comfort. Yes it was hard to let him go, but it was harder to see him struggling to get out of bed and regain his independence.

All of you are my true heroes, taking care of your loved ones day in day out, navigating the mood swings and behavioral changes that come with this horrible disease and never giving up.

I am left with memories of happy moments we had every day in spite of his disease. May God bless you and keep you strong. I will visit this forum and hope that my advice will lighten the load you carry every day.

Hugs to all of you.

Paris20

Stella, I am truly sorry for your loss. My husband has also been on Seroquel because of his aggressive behavior. It definitely has helped moderate his symptoms but he had a stroke in May. Now he’s in a skilled nursing facility and has no idea that he’s paralyzed on his right side. I remember hesitating at first about Seroquel. I questioned the neurologist about the possibility of stroke. All he could say was that’s all they had so I agreed to give it to DH. With this disease we’re often damned if we do and damned if we don’t. May the memories of your husband become a blessing.

eaglemom

Stella I am so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved DH. Yes I'm certain that you are in shock and numb.

I am hoping that in the days to come you will find a peace in all of your loving memories.

eagle

White Crane

Stella Luna, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. Please know that I’m holding you close in prayer.

Ed1937

Stella, I'm so sorry. I wish you strength in the coming days.

Marie58

Stella, I'm so sorry for your loss. He is at peace now. Don't feel guilty. I pray you have peace and strength through this difficult time.

Dio

I am deeply sorry for your loss, while at the same time so envious of the quick, passing of your LO. I so very much envy such announcements. I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead. (Apologies if I sound twisted in my thinking, but I long for the day I can do the same. DH is not living, but living in hell. He's lost all ability to feel happiness or enjoyment of anything. Won't even step out of the house for a brief moment of sunshine and fresh air. Fear grips him like a talon from the deep bowels of hell. There's no escaping this cruel vile disease except death.)