An Eye Opener

MaryG123

My DH, 67 yrs old, most likely has chronic traumatic encephalopathy.  He is quite functional and only he and I have noticed his mental decline so far.   Some days are worse than others. I’ve been sick with influenza for the past five days, and he’s been bringing me food and drink, and taking care of our pets.  Yesterday the leftovers ran out and I asked him to fix an actual meal.  He became very agitated, said he couldn’t do it, and ran out the front door.  It didn’t help that I got mad and told him it wasn’t fair after 45 yrs. and me doing the vast majority of the cooking, that he wouldn’t cook one meal.  He obviously didn’t remember how, and we were both upset about it.  And now I know that he can’t care for me when I’m sick.  It’s time to lower my expectations once again.

ThisLife

MaryG123, the surprise loses initially didn't find me at my best, and they usually revealed themselves when I made a simple request. They necessitate making a new plan.  I then became adept at setting up ways my H could have success and not be aware of his loses. (Still do this where possible.) Next, I broke things down into smaller steps. Later I'd notice something and think, "Oh, that's gone. too." Now, I go behind him fixing the things he has messed up. Things he can still somewhat do I monitor closely. Fortunately, I guess, he doesn't really initiate much anymore. I miss the days when he could help with things or even refill my glass of water when I'm working in the yard. **Sigh** Hugs to you.

MaryG123

Thank you This Life.  It’s nice to know that you understand.  I hope I too become adept at adjusting to the changes yet to come.

Palmetto Peg

Is it just a simple loss of empathy?  I have found that it doesn't matter if I am sick, he just wants what he wants.  He used to be better - not the best - but better.  It is truly all about him now.

RCT

I can totally relate….I was sick not too long ago and it was very challenging despite having food dropped off by neighbors. I appreciated your comments ThisLife…I have started to become more aware and mindful and am seeing where I need to lower my expectations. I think that is my biggest challenge right now.  It’s important too to help him be as successful as possible. He wants to help and I have to find ways to make it happen. I too miss the man he once was and that requires a great deal of acceptance.

Dio

Palmetto Peg wrote:

Is it just a simple loss of empathy?  I have found that it doesn't matter if I am sick, he just wants what he wants.  He used to be better - not the best - but better.  It is truly all about him now.

Ditto that! Although he used to take very good care of me when I was sick, even learning how to make rice porridge. It's remembering those moments that keeps me going.

MaryG123

He might be losing his empathy Palmetto Peg and Dio, but it seems more like he can’t remember what to do, initiate action or follow logical steps.  For a while now I’ve been reminding him to thank me for things like preparing a meal, doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc.  He always acts genuinely thankful, and embarrassed that he didn’t say anything.  Or he says that he thought he did say it….

Dio

MaryG, we're riding the roller coaster of the unexpected. Actually, to be more precise I'd call it the corkscrew ride. There are days when I feel as if I'm in a vertigo spin given DH's fluctuations. One minute I'm filled with rage, and in the next, he's back to being an angel. My state of mental health is tested to the max.