Caring for Uncooperative LO

ripscott

How do you get your LO to cooperate with you trying to care for them- dressing, clean up, eating, drinking, etc? My 101 year old dad will not cooperate with my sister and I who are caring for him. Every doctor and nurse tells him and us he needs to drink more- he won't. He recently had a catheter put in. It needs to be cleaned so he doesn't develop an infection- he won't let me. He struggles with us every time we need to dress him. Short of tying him down how do we get him to let us do what's best for him. Fiblets are not the answer. It doesn't matter what we tell him- when he doesn't want us to do something nothing we say makes any difference. Logic or trying to reason with him is a waste of time. I feel like it's just  a matter of time before something bad happens that may have been prevented if he had cooperated with us.  Any suggestions on how to get him to cooperate?

harshedbuzz

ripscott-

This sounds so very difficult for you and your sister.

Do you have a sense of why your dad is non-cooperative around care? Is it that he has forgotten he's been hospitalized and now requires hands-on assistance? Is it anosognosia where he thinks he's capable combined with modesty and not wanting his children to be attending to his genitalia?

Some people faced with the modesty issue overcome that by hiring in help. This could be harder to do. You'd likely need more than one visit daily and it would probably have to be a nurse rather than an aide. And you'd still be on the hook when the nurse was unavailable. 

In your shoes, a SNF would be an option. My situation was not as dramatic, but dad's resistance to mom's care was a factor in him going into a MCF. Once there, he was very cooperative with the people he understood to be kind professionals.

HB

N00dles

Cooperation from a PWD can be difficult.

You cannot reason with someone with dementia; they have lost the ability to use logic.

Sounds like he (as well as you and your sister) might benefit from a nurse caregiver to come to the house or time to consider placement in nursing care? Would he be more comfortable with a male caregiver?

Is he able to get dressed on his own if clothes are set out for him?

Maybe watch tone of voice, go by a schedule or routine, tell him exactly what you're going to do (as far as the catheter) before you do it. Also, try figuring out what his prefered beverage would be..what flavor juice etc, ice/no ice in water.

LicketyGlitz

Okay, ripscott, if this was me I would tweak my thinking a little bit to help me find the solution.

How do I cooperate with my LO to get the care they need done.

That's where I would start with putting the onus on myself (the crappiest part of caregiving!) then do some sleuthing.

Are there times in the day when my LO is less combative? Sleepy? Least likely to put up a fight?

Are there food items they love that I can give them for a distraction and then work around them while they eat (bananas and chocolate worked for my mom - bananas took concentration from her to get them open leaving getting her pants on/off out of focus, and she just plain loved chocolate!).

Have I asked her geriatric psych doctor for some medication suggestions to alleviate anxiety/anger on the part of my LO making the logistics of activities of daily living a little easier for both of us?

What does he like to drink? Beer? (Just guessing 'cause he's a feller.) Non-alcoholic beer is 95% water, although the do contain small amounts of alcohol. Are there other products that help with hydration but don't require drinking that my LO would be happy with? (I'm thinking Jelly Drops, but there might be others I don't know about: https://www.jellydrops.us/)

You've probably try some of these things! I always found that if I could tweak my thinking a little bit (not while I was incredibly frustrated with my mom!), I could start to find some workable solutions. I hope something I've said helps you and your sister and your dad! Best to you all.