Dementia and hoarding

H1235

Mom lives with my brother now after a recent dementia diagnosis. It is a good safe place for her. The problem is her house. It is in very bad shape! Mom does not want us in the house unless she is with us. She tells us what we can work on while we are there. When tested executive decision making skills were extremely low. She has no idea what to prioritize, the time involve, or what even needs to be done.  The house is one big tripping hazard and she gets tired easily so a full day of work is impossible. She will go through the trash to make sure we didn’t throw anything “good” away. The basement is full, she can’t do steps yet she doesn’t want us down there cleaning. With spring approaching flies, ants mice are going to be a big problem. My brother feels no urgency in cleaning the house and insists we do nothing behind her back or nothing outside of what mom oks. I have financial power of attorney and believe it is my my responsibility to take care of the up keep on her home. What do I do? My brother and I have been doing well so far I don’t want problems between use.

terei

Apparently he does not want the problem solved before she is completely unable to do much of anything or she dies. 

I can only say what I would do + that is tell him that I am going to clear out the house(without mother there) or not do anything at all.   I have experienced trying to clean out with the LO there….it is impossible.  They cannot and will not make any rational decisions + it will be an unending battle that simply serves to upset and agitate everyone involved with no positive results.  

Have you tried to clean out say, one room, when she is not there + see if she even notices?    Make sure anything discarded is completely gone from the property so she cannot see or find it again.   

I think a lot depends on just how advanced her condition is.   There is a certain point where if they are on scene they want to control everything, but when things just disappear, they dont even notice.

The longer the house is not cleared, the more the property will deteriorate.  I am just the type to play hardball about this kind of thing, so I would say, ‘I either do it now or you are on your own when you decide the time is right’  And stick to that.   

Phoenix1966

My grandmother was a level 5 hoarder. The house was becoming a disaster and a fire hazard. When she had the inevitable fall and had to be taken out by the fire department(APS had ignored my repeated pleas to help her), she was hospitalized for several weeks. That allowed me time to go in, find the legal paperwork naming me legal and medical POA, and get started. I rolled up my sleeves and started making the decisions she was incapable of. 

Things were sorted into two piles: throw away or salvage. There was enough space after the literal garbage was thrown away to store her other items until she would eventually pass away(I just couldn’t bear to donate or sell anything at that point). 

When she returned and needed home health rehab, she would apologize to the people about the state of her house. Not only did she not notice the garbage gone(three full We Got Junk truckloads), but she thought it wasn’t up to her clean standards. Long story short, she never noticed what has removed or cleaned up. 

When it finally came time to empty out my grandmother’s house, the rotted food had damaged her hardwood floors, there were maggots/flies embedded in the fridge, corners of walls eroded and a terrible ant infestation(with rats outside in the yard). In my opinion, as legal POA, you need to protect her assets and keep her safe health-wise if she intends to return to her home.

I would suggest starting with her basement, since she hasn’t been there in a while and probably won’t notice what goes “missing” and then areas where you are concerned about her tripping. 

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