My wife is gettting aggressive.

robertlm1952

My DW is beginning to get aggressive and I'm not sure if I can handle it or how to handle it.  She's now starting to urinate on the floor during the daytime, when I'm distracted doing something else.  I have to watch her every minute of the day.  I have been getting quite frustated and question whether I really have the stamina to last for the long haul.  I really don't want to    place her in some type of nursing home, but not sure I will have a choice.  Because my mental health is rapidly declining.  Any comments or suggestions.

Meekoe

Dear Robertim, I have never been on one of these sites before so please forgive me if I say the wrong thing.  My mother has dementia and she gets violent.  I found in an apothecary something called “Sleepy Chocolate” formulated to promote sweet slumber.  I give her 1 square (directions say 2) and it changes her attitude to sweet within 15 mins.  It has so far cut out one Xanax which seems to make her weepy.   It is vegan and plant based according to the package. I also found it on Amazon.  I so hope this helps.  The Very Best To You.  Kim

robertlm1952

Thanks for the suggestion.  I will try anything.  I checked on Amazon and they have a large variety of different types.  I will try some and see if helps.  Thanks again.

QuincyLF

I'd recommend seeing a neurologist that specializes in dementia care sooner than later.  My father became aggressive during his Alzheimer's journey and the only thing that made the most significant impact (for him) was medication.  We tried every other solution/idea possible - but when he became violent at home - we began to embrace the idea that medication wasn't the enemy.  Not to say it works for all cases - but something to consider.  At least start with a conversation with a dementia-care specialist.

harshedbuzz

robert-

It says you've been a member since 2016; that's a long time to be a caregiver for a PWD. It sounds as if it may be time for you to craft and implement a Plan B for care. 

I'm a little confused. If someone mentions "aggressive", my mind goes to threats and physical acts like throwing things, shoving, hitting, biting. For that I would absolutely start with a geriatric psychiatrist and explore medication to dial back the feelings that drive the behavior.

I personally would not consider inappropriate urination "aggression". It could be a combination of entering stage 6c (loss of the mechanics of toileting- forgetting to flush, wipe, where to relieve oneself) and feeling insecure at being unable to shadow you. 

If this behavior occurs when you are busy doing all of the tasks associated with running your household, perhaps it would make sense to buy yourself some help in the form of a home health aide or a day program for your wife if you are not ready for placement to see if that is enough. It wasn't for my mom. 

Or perhaps it is time for a residential placement. My mother really didn't want to place dad either, but it was truly the best option for both of them. Dad was not an easy PWD and would not cooperate with care. He woke at odd hours and threatened a kind of homicidal ideation. The staff at his MCF was dementia trained, well rested and more experienced at providing care with a reluctant resident and as a result he got better care there. And mom was able to step back into the role of loving wife when relieved of the 24/7 hands-on part of caregiving. 

TBH, I wish I had bullied my mom into placement sooner. I suspected she wasn't attending to her own medical needs as diligently as she should. I was there a lot. I took dad to all his appointments, ran errands, sat with him so she could run hers, she had a HHA 3 x a week and still it wasn't enough. She was feeling hopeless.

About 3 months after dad died, she was admitted to the hospital with a COPD crisis, worsening CAD and out of control BP. Turns out she had stopped her statin because her wack-job sister had "feelings", not refilled her inhaler because "it didn't bring much bang for the buck" and didn't renew her BP medication because she "was on hold too long". Two months after that, she lost the vision in one eye because of damage to her optic nerve that would have been less likely had she been on the statin and BP meds. After 2 accidents totaling 5 vehicles, she no longer drives because her depth perception is so bad. While her neighborhood is very walkable, she is not as independent as she'd like in stage 8. 

HB

Aljwhara

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brownn

I have the same problem with my husband, I don't know what to do.

Ed1937

robertlm1952 wrote:

  She's now starting to urinate on the floor during the daytime, when I'm distracted doing something else.  

Doesn't she wear some type of incontinence wear like Depends? If not, it is time to get some. When my wife became urinary incontinent, I simply went out to buy something like that. I brought them home, and asked her if she would try them. To my surprise she said she would. As soon as she put them on, I emptied her drawer of her panties, never to be seen again. It was that easy!!

HB gave you some excellent feedback. The only other thing I would add is that medication should be your first choice to handle aggression. The over-the-counter options are not regulated, so they may not have the same amounts of ingredients from batch to batch. Give the doctor a chance to see what can be done for her. Any other options should be cleared with the doctor to insure it won't cause problems with other medications.

Marc.B

Hello All,

 My Dad has moved into the stage where he is having bouts of aggression and was sent to the ER from his MC facility. The hospital is working on fixing his meds but we now have to look for a new MC facility. The current facility does not have staff to deal with my Dad's care needs.

The family has searched for MC facilities and thought we found a good one but they are not trained to deal with my Dad. Does anyone have any recommendations for for resources or facilities? We are looking for a moderately priced MC facility because budgets are tight.

My Dad is in San Diego, CA.

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

Eleccon

This is my first post to this forum. I’m sorry for all the stories I’ve read but this one is closest to me. My wife has semantic dementia brought on by early onset Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed three years ago but has been dealing with it for at least ten years. Her eyesight is horrible and her ability to form sentences is bad. She sometimes forgets her own daughters. I’m just the nice guy who takes care of her when she forgets I’m her husband. I’ve always tried to joke and laugh with her rather than cry about what’s happening to us. We’ve done pretty good until the last three nights, she has been cussing and screaming at me to take her home. I’ve had our daughters talk to her and got her to sleep for two nights in a row. Tonight we are all against her she says. Her neurologist is at UCSF and I’ve messaged him but no reply yet. Her doctor is in Modesto which is 1 1/2 hours away. I can make an appointment for next week but that’s not soon enough. She’s been on Donepezil and Memantine for a few years now along with other blood pressure drugs and oxycodone. I’m worried about giving her something over the counter that could react with the drugs. Has anyone ever gone to an emergency room for a sedative of some sort? Or wait for one of her doctors to get ahold of me? I’m just looking at something in the way of direction while she’s telling me now what to do with myself.

towhee

Elecon, welcome to the forum. Whenever there is a sudden change in behavior one of the first things we look for is an infection, either a UTI or something else. When you have advancing dementia or are older you can have an infection without the usual symptoms, or she might not be able to communicate symptoms. Other things to consider are constipation, dehydration, a new or stronger pain etc. and also a med check if there have been any med changes or missed meds. These things can cause behavior changes. It could also of course be advancing dementia or some change in the environment. Taking her to urgent care or the ER might be something to consider, and with those meds she is taking certainly don't give her something over the counter without a doctor's OK. (And even then I would check with a pharmacist too)

Since this is an older post, you will get more replies if you make a new post using the green "add topic" button at the top of the page.

Eleccon

Thank you! I will add a new topic.