I am deep in it

toolbeltexpert

I have a contract on my home 2500 sq ft in the country, 16 acres 4 outbuilds a 24x40 garage all have stuff. Getting rid of most Stuff has been easy, and I am making good headway, the scrap yard has been profitable,  1400$ and counting in scrap steel, the dumpster folks will know my name, goodwill is also getting their share. But this part of the journey lately seems like a dream or maybe a nightmare?

Can this really be happening, will I wake up and everything is better, no. I really thought this was gonna be where we would both end our lives, I walk around our porch and realize, where I am going I won't be able to pee off the back porch! Like I said country,quiet and secluded.

I have a contract on a new house with 1/2 acre  where neighbors could look in my windows. 

But the worst part is not having any help in any decision, no family to help load and move stuff. Moving the gun safe from the second floor was a job, I think dw would like the new house but not the yard,she wouldn't be able to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. I am not a house decorater, maybe just blinds. Don't think I am gonna save much furniture, our beds a couple night stands, the new coffee table I bought for dw the new house has new appliances.

I still have 2 tractors a friend said I could put in his barn. I have 6 more mowers for sale, a four wheeler I bought for dw on her birthday she loved that. Trailers and a truck so much more. I have P.o box, and started the address changes notified the banks and bills 

Mini storage is gonna start next month. I have till March 31 if everything goes as planned to have everything gone, that is closing day. New owners take possession with closing..

I'll live a motel a 1/4 mile from the mcf for 3 or 4 days I close on the new place April 3. The new house is 11 minutes to the mcf. 7 miles.  I stocked up on dw's favorite candy and cough drops gotta have lots of them. I give them in portions otherwise she'd it it all at once.

My favorite thing I keep saying is just one more, like walmart one more thing in a bag, shred one more tax year, put one more thing in the pile for the above categories. Just one more then it is time to sleep and do it all over again. I am thankful I can still do and move and decide, thankful my home will provide a new place and funding for the care for dw 6 or 7 years?  No one knows what the future will hold. Thankful this is only a season.

Whoever has to take care when I am gone will have it easy, I am doing the hard stuff.

These are the ramblings of a caregiver on the big D road. Some of you have done what I am doing. I'll get thru this to Lord willing. 

Stewart

mrahope

FWIW, you have taken on a huge task and you are keeping going.  I applaud you.  It is so hard and sometimes intimidating to take on these big jobs alone.

M1

Glad you are making such progress Stewart, good for you on all fronts.  I know you'll miss the country though.  Like peeing off the back porch--or the days when I let the dog out without bothering to put on clothes.  I'll miss the country too, one of these days.

Another Day

OMG - I hadn't gotten as far as considering that at some point I/we may have to move. I love where we live, love the house, the privacy that 30 or so acres provides, no neighbors who can see anything unless we invite them on the property. A huge garage which we planned together and had built. It's got everything that we thought we would need and want to it. I can't begin to imagine the process which you've been through. I do know that it's a lot of work. If I might ask, why did you decide that you needed to move at this point in your life? 

I guess I owe you a thank you for opening my eyes to the possibility of having to leave my home at some point. We've both stated for years that this is it, not leaving here. You're in my thoughts and prayers, but please share why you came to this decision as it truly is life altering.

jfkoc

Hmmm,,,letting the dog out while naked....there is an idea. That would be the only part of "country" living on my plus side.

TB and M1....my heart goes out to you. If you love the country and have to move into town it must be horrible. When you have to add the Swedish Death Cleansing  to that .....ugh...overwhelming.

TB.... blinds/Roman shades could be a good solution expecially since you can order them to stack on the bottom....go 1/2 way up and still look outside and let a lot of light in. 

https://www.bestproductsreviews.com/down-bottom-up-shades?targetid=kwd-84526204732240:loc-190&matchtype=p&device=c&campaignid=530253738&creative=&a

Sligo177

Stewart,

I hear ya!!!  I have just gone through a very similar saga, and it is mentally and physically exhausting.  It's like, you have so many things to consider and cross off your list, there's something every time you turn around.  I hope you are managing to sleep, too.  And trying to have regular meals.  And I'm so sorry there's no family who can help you, even someone to pack a box.  And the storage, yup, thank God or storage facilities.  And Goodwill and huge dumpsters, craigslist, Facebook Marketplace etc...You are a champion getting all this done.  I will be thinking of you and hoping things go smoothly -  God bless.

tigersmom

Stewart, my heart breaks for you. It must be so hard to have to do this, and so incredibly difficult to have to do it all alone. Kudos to you for making this difficult decision and for wading in and getting it done, step by step.You have made an incredibly loving and selfless choice to care for your wife in the very best way you can.

Ed1937

Stewart, I don't envy you. That is one big job, especially for one man. I know you'll miss the country, but there will be some positives from living closer. 

Almost 10 years ago, we moved from a place with 1/2 acre to another with maybe less than 1/4 acre. I miss the extra square footage. Where I am now, I might be able to plant a few tomatoes and pepper plants, but that's about it. I miss having a nice garden.

Just remember that the deal is not finished until you get the check in your hands. If I were in your area, I'd give you a hand.

MaryG123

Your plan is working Stewart, good for you.  A year from now you’ll look back and know you did what had to be done.   It is soooo hard though.

Nowhere

Good for you for not waiting two years down the mcf road. I’m going thru all my/our things presently to make it a lighter move to his mcf town. I’ve rented an Airbnb for the month of April just to give that kind of living (funny ‘loving’ auto corrected for “living” and I imagine that is spot on) a go! You’re really trading in a farm for a home. It’s very tough stuff,. All the best to you, Stewart. 

Shelly 

Joydean

Steward I have to I admire you for what you are doing. Selling your home for such an unselfish reason. To do all that you are doing so the love of your life can stay in the MCF you choose for her. She is a very lucky lady.  I for now can’t imagine selling and having to move back to the city. I don’t “pee off the back porch “ but I sure could! Like M1 letting the dog out without clothes, I do wear a long tee shirt but I could do it his way. I love my garden, all the birds especially the hummingbirds, all the deer., the rancher across the road from us has cows and some beautiful horses. All this I would sooo miss. Just the thought of being able to hear people next door to me is frightening. But in the long run we all will do what we have to! 

Best of luck to you Steward. Virtual hugs! God bless. 

toolbeltexpert

Well just got done doing dishes started the laundry.  Today got another load to the dumpsters, sold a couple items from the online sales, gave away my grandmother's sewing machine to a cousin. Shredded another tax year. Yep I am making headway. I have to keep telling myself because sometimes it's hard to see the progress.

Another Day. The reason I am making such a jump is to fund the care for my dw, she is 12 years on her journey and who knows how many more to go. I looked into Medicaid and it just wasn't for me. My farm has value that can be used now to get the care my dw needs. I guess I wanted to be sure that this is how I want it to happens, I didn't  want to leave it in someone else's hand if I passed. I should have 6 years at the highest level of care which she isn't at yet but I wanted to base it on the high not the low. And all the while I will still be collecting her ss check which equals another year plus. I also don't have to spend all my savings for a medicaid spend down. So this is why I am doing what I am doing. Definitely not for everyone. I grew up in the city and where I am moving is on the edge of city limits so not to crowded. Definitely no naked anything. In the country it was no big deal to go from the pool to the house in my birthday suit.

I also will be in a new home, so hopefully no headaches for a while. And if in the future I need to downsize again this home will have value that would allow me to fund dw care further if needed.

I plan on growing the extra money in cds as the interest rates are going up I can use that extra as well. There is a lot to be said for doing it this way. It's just not for everyone.

Thank everyone for your kind words of encouragement.

toolbeltexpert

Another Day here is the real reason. LOVE.

Kibbee

I’m also pondering the possible need to move, for a variety of reasons.  I’ve been able to make  some modifications to our house to make it work better for DH.  Wheelchair ramp was the latest and I love it.  I use it more than DH…makes it so easy to haul things in and out.  But the bedroom and bathroom situation is wonky.  We have an older home so room layout is odd.  First floor bedroom is literally right off the dining room and from there to the bathroom requires a trip through the dining room and living room. Not very private for DH if I am hosting a friends night.  Bathroom is also not optimal for a person in a wheelchair. And my CELA is suggesting that I use some funds now to upgrade to a newer and more functional home.  

But we love our property.  Great neighbors.  A large wooded lot bordered by a river, we have privacy and beautiful views.  It’s a hard decision.

Hoot619

Toolbelt, Boy you sure are at it and getting a lot accomplished . Your wife is a lucky gal to have you putting her first in your life with everything.

Scooterr

Stewart so good to hear your making headway and staying busy (hopefully not too overwhelming). I know it's hard to leave the country life, but your a wonderful husband putting your wife first. Just remember, "you can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy." Just a friendly reminder when you step out on the porch of your new house in the early morning hrs. and your neighbors are watching. Your a good man Stewart.

Joe C.

Stewart, Certainly a huge undertaking but I’m sure it will be best in the end. I wish you the best as you move forward.

Jo C.

Stewart - I had not realized you sold your property and have bought a new one!   Congratulations on accomplishing that, you had been working so hard at getting that done. 

It must be a herculean job in clearing the property and house; it sounds exhausting, but you are accomplishing it despite the challenges.  Wonder if one of the fellows from church could assist with some of the bigger needs for a bit of money or just from fellowship.  So wish you did not have to do that alone.

You have gone a million miles on this journey already and are doing the very best for what is at hand; I wish you well and may you have many unexpected blessings once all is settled into place.

Let us know how you are and how things are going; we wish the very best for you.

J.

toolbeltexpert

Like Ed said when the check is signed and in the bank then I can breathe a little easier. Today I had the new house inspected I'll get that report tomorrow. Not a lot of issues just the grading around the house.

Dw has been sick the last 2 days coughing up phlegm sounds bad, they tested for covid, that was negative and they did a chest xray late today I know more in the morning. Issue like this bring up all the thoughts of what to do. Don't even want to think about that. 

Thanks everyone again for your encouraging words.

KathyF1

Stewart, I’m in the same situation. We live on 100 acres. It’s beautiful. I too made the hard decision to move (near my family). I bought a 20 acre farm near my sisters town that has much better resources for in home care than I do here. But I know the pain of leaving a dream home/farm. We have a contract that is in the works. We’ll see if it goes through. I haven’t started the packing etc yet. Waiting to see what happens with the pending contract. I’m kind of horrified at the thought of downsizing and what to do with so much extra furniture. It’s hard enough managing my DH every day. I hope God gives me the strength and courage to tackle the “stuff”. I’ll try to remember that you and others have been in my shoes.

toolbeltexpert

Kathyf1 I was at Bk yesterday and I talk to the manager regularly, I mentioned my move and the stuff. She said there were several girls that work nights that don't have much. I started making a list and I'll bring it to her and see if I can help somehow. I won't need my microwave, old fridge several tables, chairs. I could sell this stuff but I would rather help someone if I can.  Always praying for an opportunity to do good for someone else.

One day at a time! lucky for me my wife hoarded black trash bags,what a life saver. I am moving from the time I get up till evening. 

Quilting brings calm

Downsizing and moving  is a lot of work.  It’s exhausting, and I expect the memories attached to things are also hard on you.  Plus you devote a lot of time to visiting your wife. My advice:  do what you can.  Make areas for  Keep, discard, donate, sell. Don’t expect to get through it all.   Make arrangements for movers to move and store what’s not going to the new place right away.  Selling your farm and moving closer to your wife should give you more time in your day and you can slowly go through things at the storage facility.  Yes, they’re a storage cost-but I think you will have money from the farm sale to do that.

Lgw

I guess I am ahead of the game. I cleaned my DH closet early since the suggestion was to simplify their lives. A few shirts at a time disappeared and slowly everything they would never need, ties, and suits.  Now that he can no longer walk we are down to 5 shirts and 2 pants although I no longer put pants on him unless someone comes by.  That was a decision that Hospice helped me make.  I hope to have everything to a minimum when he passes so my kids won't have too much to go through. I have organized anything that has memories for them to go through.