Oh, trying to get used to my new normal and hoping for some pointers

Grandx7

 Thank you for letting me vent - I am still trying to breath!  I have not been on this site for many months and appreciate any tips you may have.

 My DH passed away almost 7 months ago.  After a brief stay in a hospital to try and get his meds stabilized, I brought him home two days before he passed, Thank God for this!  

I am trying to come to grips with my new reality and keep being bombarded with questions about how I handled things and the sadness that I was never able to have the time to talk to him about how he felt with his disease.  I have read here and other places that some patients are able to converse with their LO after learning of the diagnosis.  This was not our case.  By the time we received an accurate and complete diagnosis, he didn't want to talk about it for more than a few minutes.  He had AD, FTD and VD and from diagnosis to passing was 12 months.  As a family, we all prayed he would go quickly as he wouldn't have wanted to linger with this cruel disease.  He did tell me how sorry he was for me that I would have to take care of him and that he just wanted me to put him in a "home".  I told him I would take care of him, of course, and that was the beginning and end of our conversations regarding what was to come.

I wish I had tried harder to talk to him about his fears, concerns and feelings but I realize that he was a very proud man who took great delight and pride in taking care of me for over 44 years, as well as our children and so many in our community through his volunteering.

I know we all go through loss differently - (I have lost both of my parents, in-laws and my husband in the past 5 years) - but I just feel so very overwhelmed!  Sleep is difficult and I try to get through a day without tears.  So far, no luck.  My family and faith are a huge blessing but I have always been hard on myself and wish I could just snap out of this!  I am a retired nurse and am used to helping others.  

Thank you for any pointers and I appreciate the ability to "dump my feelings" on this site instead of my grown kids.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and are still going through.  My LO was my mother so not sure if I have any pointers really.  

My mother was a RN and actually got herself diagnosed. I thought with that I’d be able to talk to her about it.  There came a point when I asked her if she knew what Alzheimer’s or dementia was and when she said no, that was the end of our discussions about her diagnosis. When I moved mom to my state so I could care for her in “her” home (which lasted 2.5 years before she passed) all I could really ask her is “if this or that happens do you want to go to the hospital”.  That only lasted so long also and then no discussions about her health.  All I could say to her after she was bed bound that I was sorry she was so sick and had to stay in bed all the time.  

I wish we could have talked about real things too.  I’m also a caregiver at heart so I’m struggling to find my new purpose. Watching the grandkids isn’t fulfilling the hole I have. I think time and patience is all we can give ourselves.  I’m thinking about counseling but wishing I wasn’t. 

I’m so sorry for your loss. 

Grandx7

My  apologies for this late reply.  I greatly appreciate your response and am sorry for your loss.  I have also done some therapy but it is a help when someone has gone through what we have experienced.  I wish you well on this difficult journey.  Take care of yourself!