Memories of deceased mother

sherilm

My mother has suddenly started waking up very sad thinking that her mother is very sick and wanting to go back home to take care of her. Her mother has been gone for over 30 years. How can I help her with these emotions? What should I say when she asks if we can take her home? She doesn't have many activities that she enjoys during the day - mostly puzzle books and jigsaw puzzles - but when I try to distract her with those she tells me she'll do them when she gets back home. I thought about showing her a photo album with pictures of her mom but I don't know if this will make it worse or better.

Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.

SusanB-dil

Hi sherilm - have you tried the usual fiblets?  'Mother is being taken care of and I'm sure she is in good hands.' 'We can check on her later because she is probably sleeping right now.' (repeat as necessary)

Sometimes photos help and sometimes not. Depends on the person and how they are about seeing the photos.  MIL has a 'switch' that can flip from one minute to the next... ugh.

harshedbuzz

sheri-

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your need to be here, but glad you posted your concern.

PWD often time-travel and their longer-term memory fades. We were fortunate that dad mostly went back to times that were happy; mostly before my sister died. He was kind of hazy on whether she was sick, dead or alive which made fiblets harder to apply one was never sure what he "knew" hour to hour. He often phrased it as "she's dead, isn't she?"

If your mom has time-traveled to an era when your grandmother was mostly well, you might try a fiblet that would make sense to her-- like mom's traveled to visit her sister or is at the vacation cabin. 

Because I couldn't use fiblets around this until the very end of dad's life, I often used his question as a segue into a pleasant or funny story about her. Redirecting him in this way always seemed to help him settle. 

HB

sherilm

Yes SusanB-dil, I need to practice the fiblets!  She did better today so maybe I can get the fiblets to work ... for now.