Too Many Rum & Cokes

Lhuerta

When we got over the hurdle of my DH accepting he was "retired" (he was angry at his boss, feeling he was fired when he should'nt have been).  He starting enjoying "happy hour".  I thought it was a good thing.  It put him in a good mood.

However, it has evolved into an all night thing with him drinking several rum and cokes and/or beers.  He forgets that he's just finished one, or two, or three (or five or six...).  I try to stop him or re-direct his attentions and he gets angry.  I've started diluting the rum with water and that seems to help with the effect of the alcohol, but doesn't stop him from continuing to drink.  

He has a habit of continuously going to the liquor cabinet throughout the day to make sure there is a bottle of rum and then to the fridge in the garage to make sure there is diet coke and beer.  If not, or if low, he gets agitated and wants to drive to the store to get more.  We've disconnected the car so it won't start.  He never wanted anything to do with my old car, but when he felt he needed to get to the store for alcohol, he snuck out and drove.  We've since hidden those keys, but he gets very upset.

Is this a fight I'm going to lose - is it okay to let him drink what he wants?  If I keep the rum watered down (sometimes it's 3/4's water, depends on when I can sneak the bottle out to dilute it - he's always watching that cabinet).

Thanks for any ideas.

M1

That's a tough one.  You may need medical help for this--depending on his intake, he's at risk for DT's (which can be fatal) if he is withdrawn from alcohol suddenly.  Have you discuss this with his doc?  The rum certainly won't help his dementia, so ideally he should be not consuming at all.  But getting there will need to be gradual and may require being in a different environment without triggers.  I'm so sorry.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

My family also had issues with alcohol use and dementia. In dad's case one of his dementias was an alcohol-related condition and he wasn't supposed to drink at all. Unfortunately, denying access to it turned made him abusive to violent. 

You are fortunate that you can mitigate the alcohol to some degree by watering it down. Dad wasn't fooled by diluted wine or no-alcohol versions. 

I would absolutely discuss this with his neurologist. They may want to detox him in a medical environment during which time you could collect empties and create a rum with water and a little flavoring and try swapping out the beers for a non-alcohol version. I would be concerned about his caffeine intake interfering with sleep at some point.

I would also have him seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. It sounds like his mood is not great and that he is perseverating on his access to adult beverages. Medication might help the mood and lessen this behavior. Dad's geripsych added Wellbutrin to his cocktail of meds in hopes of improving his apathy. It didn't help that, but it did lessen dad's compulsion to drink and the amount he consumed. 

HB

storycrafter

It's a difficult situation. What's helped us/my husband is medication. A combination of Wellbutrin and Seraquel have given him back a quality of life we otherwise wouldn't have. My husband is somewhat aware he uses alcohol to self-medicate/self-soothe and has been able to moderate his daily drinking. His mood swings and anxiety levels are also moderated and not as difficult to cope with. Best wishes to you on this tough journey.

saltom

Talking to a geriatric psychiatrist is a good idea.  Years before a dementia diagnosis my DH was prescribed Welbutrin for anxiety, OCD and depression.  Seems Welbutrin is not the med for him and we went through a year of hell with greatly increased anxiety, OCD and depression. His med chart now lists him as being allergic to Welbutrin.  DH also self medicated with alcohol but was very disciplined and regulated his drinking to four ounces of bourbon a day. His PC doctor recommended cutting out the bourbon, so DH went to red wine gradually limited to 4 ounces a day. He opted for two drinks of 2 ounces - one pre and one after dinner. Dementia doctor suggested non-alcoholic wine.  His mobility is bad enough I could hide the bottle and pour it for him without his actually seeing the bottle, though I did think of putting it in an empty regular wine bottle to help keep the sham going. For several months before his going to MC, I just stopped buying any alcohol. DH hasn't driven for years. He still asks for a drink, and I just say we don't have any. He's not happy and accuses me of treating him like a child but can be distracted.

Another Day

Lhuerta - Unfortunately, been there, done that. I've done what you're doing and something different too. I got rid of the liquor because it would set him off. At this point we're only dealing with beer. Since my DH has always been health conscious I played on that and pointed out that alcohol actually dehydrates the body and he needed to drink equal amounts of water in between the beers. He kind of weened himself for the most part. Now if he wants a beer, I just remind him to not forget the water. Hey, whatever works, right.

Here's what I did before the liquor was gone - I became his bartender. He drank a lot of various drinks sans alcohol. Use the same glass for whatever drink, same ice, maybe, my hubby counts cubes, and just a little more of the mixer if he knows about where the level should be on the glass. I eventually got the bottles out of the house and re-homed them. 

Opportune times for you to get the bottle to dilute it: When he's asleep, in the shower, on the phone, has a visitor who is aware of the situation and can distract him....get him outside to look at something. Ask him to do a task which will keep him out of sight of the cabinet for a few. Be creative. You can do this, we/this forum can help.

Celtic John

Before my wife could be properly diagnosed, we needed to significantly reduce her compulsive consumption of wine.  Once we began learning about Alcohol Removed/No Alcohol (NA) wines, we began experimenting with what was available.  At the time, the red wine NA options and many of the whites were disappointing and just not a satisfactory option.  Finally we found a Freixenet sparkling wine (the white version, rather than the rose version) that had a satisfying flavor.  We are now experimenting with current offerings in red wines from Total Wine and More and are pleasantly pleased with those now available.  

Note:  For wine, anything less than 0.5% - one half of one percent - is considered NA. 

You may want to check out the growing selection of NA beers.  I lean towards stouts and dark ales and found the Guinness version is quite good.  Several other recognizable names have begun offering NA versions.  

I don't know if there is anything available in NA spirits like Rum, but the processes used to remove alcohol from wines and beers should also work for spirits.  The issue seems to be preserving an authentic taste experience rather than removing the alcohol.

Our current situation with respect to alcohol consumption has completely turned around.  We only have NA wine or beer in our home and I am no longer bouncing back and forth between being a parental control force or being an enabler.  We mutually manage the problem and limit alcohol consumption to an occassional glass of wine (or two) or a beer while dining out.