Creative Kindness Dynamic From sunnydove

Jo C.

This approach was part of a Post on the Caregivers Forum; it is from Member, sunnydove.  For some of our Loved Ones this can be applied to, it is a lovely idea:

" . . . One thing I do with Mom all the time is thank her for her help. Often she's done absolutely NOTHING. But she doesn't know that. So if I have to put in a new lightbulb and I'm on a ladder, when I'm done I'll say, "Thank you so much for your help! I couldn't have done it without you!" And she will just beam and look so proud. Or when I get some other home project done I will say what a great idea it was of hers and thank her for all her help. The hardest of these has been thanking her for her help in the car. She reads EVERY SINGLE street sign and it makes me want to claw my eyes out! It feels like she's criticizing every move I make: "speed limit 35; right lane must turn right; speed checked by radar" but she's really just reading and I'll be sad when she no longer can. And just before we turn on our street she will sometimes recognize it and indicate we should turn (amazing the things she retains) and I will say, "here? Ok great! Thank you for your help!" and again she beams. So even if she can't help you, let her think she is. Or give her a fake job like holding a screwdriver until you need it or let her carry a bag of empty reusable bags that weighs nothing . . . "

Wirh big thank you to sunnydove for sharing this.

J.

saltom

What a great idea. Thanks for posting.

Ed1937

I remember reading that. Thanks for posting it here. It makes a lot of sense.

Stuck in the middle

That works for us.  I ask DW to rub oil on my back where I can't reach it, fold laundry, and such, and thank her for it.  She thanks me for doing things for her, and at the end of the day she thanks me for taking care of her.  We should have done more of that when we were younger.

Another Day

I try to do this and it's a good thing most of the time. DH loves to feel like he's still productive, even though quite a few things/abilities have gone by the wayside now. His daily tasks now include things like keeping the Berkey filled and the Keurig, helping with the laundry, helping with the cats, etc. I figure, you've got to meet him where he is. 

Thank you for the reprint/reminder.

nancyj194

Thank you JoC for sharing sunnydove's comments. It is a good reminder for us all to thank our LO for the little things they can still do.  

My DH no longer does the things he did all of our married life. I know he wants to. 

When he does something like help fold the clothes or helps empty the dishwasher, I always say, "thank you" to him. He usually mumbles "you're welcome." I praise him for every piece of the puzzle he finds. He always makes a positive comment back to me.  

N