Handling hypersexuality

Stori

He keeps posting what he's trying to search for on facebook status, and he's searching for porn. He says explicit stuff in the middle of a conversation and it's so gross. 

And if you're here to yell at me or judge me for not taking away his internet yet then I'm not here for it. I'm doing my absolute best. No one wants him offline more than I do. 

No one including doctors will help me.  He gets extremely upset and I'm a disabled abuse survivor without a safe place to live. 

ETA he's got anosognosia

harshedbuzz

Stori-

Hypersexuality is tough. 

We were fortunate dad lost his computer skills but he was still very inappropriate in public especially with women-- think the worst iteration of Mad Man era machismo. He also boasted about some sexual exploits that would have landed him in jail. 

I suspect the doctors don't have much to offer in terms of curbing this. At the time my dad was diagnosed he was on a higher dose of an SSRI known for "sexual side effects" and androgen deprivation therapy for prostate cancer and yet he was obsessed with talking about sex.

What is your relationship to this person? Spouse? Friend? Roommate?

It's generally pretty simple to take a PWD off-line. Slip the device into airplane mode, change the WiFi password, change is FB password are all doable options in most cases. If he posts offensively, you could attempt to get him put in FB jail by reporting him. My concern is that if he strays into certain sites with children, he could end up getting arrested and jailed. If any of this would anger him and endanger you, than you need to get out of there and make other arrangements for a place to stay. 

HB

Ed1937

Stori, I can't add more to HB's post, but I read your profile. I'm sorry for everything you have going on. You mentioned depression, chronic pain and fatigue. Have you seen a rheumatologist or immunologist? I'm not a doctor, but I know those could all be part of an auto immune disease. I hope you can find some help. You need to take care of yourself if you're going to take care of him.

mommyandme (m&m)

I am so sorry for what you’re going through with all of the challenges, so so difficult! I wish I had some great advice but I don’t.  Absolutely no judgement from me.

Jo C.

Hello Stori, I am very sorry for what is happening; especially under the circumstances I can well understand the stress this must be causing.  Sometimes such dynamics occur due to involvement of the frontotemporal lobes of the brain which have become involved secondary to the mpact of the dementia.

I can only share what we experienced in our family.

If your Loved One (LO) has actually been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease or one of the other dementias, getting to a dementia specialist can be the best way to approach such matters. 

My step-father began to have sexual acting out and lesser measures to assist were not successful.   His dementia specialist, a Neurologist, prescribed a low level of Seroquel which was very effective very quickly.  The prescribed amount had to be slightly adjusted which gave good results on a long term basis.

It is difficult to almost impossible to deal with this oneself much less quell such behaviors, but the dementia specialists have worked with this and so much more and are usually able to be of assistance.

Let us know how you are and how things are going, we will be thinking of you.

J.

ghphotog

There are ways to block porn, some are pretty simple if you're a little technically inclined. I can post step by step instructions if you like.

Stori

Yes please

Stori

I am an adult child of PWD. 

I know how to take steps to stop online access but I don't know how to deal with the aggression it will cause. 

I am disabled with no benefits or money. I was fired for being disabled. My only sibling  estranged herself when he was diagnosed. 

I can't abandon my mom.  She's deaf and blind, and she doesn't deserve to be deserted. I am her caregiver too but she's not a problem at all, I love helping her out. We don't have anywhere to go anyway. 

Stori

Yeah, I've seen lots of doctors. I have a bunch of autoimmune disorders and POTS as well as PTSD and treatment resistant depression. I am a survivor of sexual assault and verbal abuse. I was in therapy but I don't have time anymore. I can't leave him alone at all. 

 I've been sleeping four hours in the day when my mom is with him to make sure he doesn't wander.  

I want to stress that I had a good relationship with my father before dementia. 

He made me his DPOA, and I feel strongly he wouldn't want people seeing his obscene behavior. He was private, thoughtful, and never did anything like the hypersexuality causes now. 

We are rural and the health clinic here is struggling because of COVID. They just tell me to put him in MC. His doctor gives him opiates and benzos...it makes him worse. 

How do you put someone in memory care who can't reason and refuses to leave the house? I would have to kidnap him. 

I have DPOA for medical and financial. But he refuses to do things. 

I promise I'm trying so hard. I haven't cleaned my room or brushed my teeth in months and I can't eat or sleep. I wake up shaking and fall asleep crying. 

Stori

Thank you. 

I have been begging his doctor to put him on Seroquel for sleep, and now I will beg again. 

Stori

If you could post the steps I would appreciate that. 

Thank you 

Stori

Thank you.

ghphotog

Will post the steps first chance I get. Does he use a desktop windows computer or his phone? Changing router settings would cover all devices that access the internet via your ISP access. 

Can you access the settings on your modem? 

Here is the guide to change DNS to family friendly DNS.

https://www.opendns.com/setupguide/#familyshield.

Jo C.

Stori:   The Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 Hour Helpline, 365 days a year and it can  be reached at, (800) 272-3900.  There is no fee for this service.

If you decide to make a call to the Helpline, please tell the nice person answering the phone that it is an urgent situation and ask to be transferred to a, Care Consultant.

Care Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia.  They are very supportive kind, and are excellent listeners.

You mention you are in a rural area, the Consultant may be able to tell you where the nearest hospital is that has a Geriatric Psych Unit.  This may be the best setting for your father for 24 Hour assessment as well as for initiating appropriate medication to assist him.  They will assess for effectiveness and side effects from medication.

IF and only if you choose, if it is not appropriate for him to return home, the social worker at the GeroPsych Unit can assist in finding an alternative living  setting for your father. If there are no funds or very low funds, your father may actually qualify for Medicaid which could cover the cost of his care IF it is decided that he be placed into a care setting.

There are options, and a  Consultant can discuss that with you if you ask.

Sending best thoughts your way for things to move in a much better way.

J.

Gypsy J

You do have resources where you can reach out for help. Please look into you State or local centers on aging as well as the VA if appropriate. Many agencies have social workers that are invaluable directing you to resources. was trying to care for my loved on on my own but finally reached out for help and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.