communication(3)

bendershan

Hello,  My mother ,82, has dementia and communication with her is nearly impossible now. I dont know if I am having to much expectations in wanting to communicate with her , maybe she just cant , but its frustrating for us both .A lot of times she ends up just getting mad at me , whether its because I dont understand or because she cant express herself I really dont know . Should I not tell her I dont understand? I think maybe she has progressed to another level and I am having troubles adjusting . I accept the situation , but adjusting is hard , it seems to change weekly. Does anyone have any advise besides the ones you see on all the sites , maybe something youve experienced could help ? Thank you for your time and take care !     

LaurenB

For us I go along with the tone of her communication and use fillers like..."that's how I'd feel about it."  "You know, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."  "I'm not sure, but I'll check on it for you."  "You and me both."

Most of the time I have no idea what we are specifically talking about but look at her tone and body language.  Often she is looking for reassurance and someone to agree with her.

mommyandme (m&m)

Communication was a big one for me. I found it frustrating and sad. There is a point where we must accept and adjust, since our LOs cannot. That continues til the end of this horrible journey.  As LaurenB said taking into account her non verbal cues and tone will help with your “communication”.  Just going with it was how I finally succumbed to that new change. Not all dementia patients have this problem, it seems.  There were times when I said, “Im sorry, I don’t understand, and I love you so much!” etc.   But just saying something like “I agree”, “That’s what I think too”, “definitely something to consider”, just anything to show she’s been heard.  If I could tell it was a question I’d try to answer or just say “I’m not positive but I’ll figure it out for us”.  I could also tell if I answered it out of context cause of her look, lol.  Then I’d switch it up or even ask her what she thought.  I finally just found her even trying to communicate joyful.  It could be fun and silly sometimes. Just hearing her voice was fabulous.  In the last couple of months she would talk almost nonstop to anything and everyone. I loved it.  My husband or whoever was in the room with us would just smile and find the love in it.  We’d just talk right along with her about whatever it was. But I always deeply wished I knew what it was so I could correctly tend to her needs. I just did the best I could to keep her comfortable and happy.  When her voice was no longer available it was heartbreaking.  

Try to get passed the expectation stage as soon as you can so you can find the peace for her in whatever it is she’s saying.  Thanks for sharing your life here with us.