Fidgeting Alternatives

Just Bill

Hello everyone. My wife is a perpetual fidgeter. She actually thinks she is doing productive work. What she is doing is taking things apart and "putting everything away". She is like a toddler on sugar sometimes and it is exhausting to constantly redirect her fidget energy. The kitchen has become her primary fidget space. She cleans and straightens constantly. To her credit she can successfully load and unload the dishwasher. Sometimes for one dish or the same dishes are washed and rewashed. Sometimes the dishes are put away dirty. Away being never the same place twice. I breathe and meditate and just let it go when she is in there in full fidget mode. I think what can she break that can't be replaced ? and she can't get hurt so just breathe and let it go. I am looking for fidget redirection alternatives you have used. I have had her open and sort junk mail. She loves to fold clothes. I give her a piece of paper and a pencil and encourage her to write. I have a preschool work book she goes through. Computer with games. I am running out of ideas. This morning she put the coffee filter basket "away" somewhere and instead of mentally coming unglued I just took a breath  and let it go. I have prepared for such an emergency with Keurigs and instant coffee. The level of frustration that the brain is capable of adapting to is unlimited, but I would like to hear about some fidgeting alternatives you have used successfully. Thank you.

Another Day

Just Bill - My kitchen is my playground so I've been thinking about what you posted. Could she perhaps copy recipes for someone? Could she polish some silver? Stainless? Can she still wash windows? Obviously, she's looking for things to do. What about sweeping and mopping the floor? Is she still cooking? Alternatively can she assist you when you cook? Things like getting items from the pantry or refrigerator? What if you gave her a collection of recipes or recipe books to organize? Can she still use a feather duster safely? Spring is coming! The ceilings, corners down the walls, baseboards all need to be dusted....then have her do some furniture. If she is still OK to have furniture polish and dust cloth, she could be busy for awhile. 

Speaking of 2 year olds....how much sugar and or caffeine is she consuming? I've noticed also that the full moon does kick things up a notch. If I think of more, I'll post again. Could you fine tune the description of what she is still capable of doing safely, I could expand quite a bit with a little more information. 

Just Bill

Another Day, she has pretty severe cognitive impairment. Loading and unloading the dishwasher is an anomaly, I don't know how she is doing it. She gets stuck on one step tasks overthinking non existent steps 2 and 3. She is in the moment and when the urge hits her she starts to fidget. There is this sense of urgency to do something. She has no interest in hobbies. Work is all she knows. I have to be in the moment with her issuing tasks in the moment. And then she forgets the objective 5 minutes in.  Following a list or remembering anything we said doesn't work. It is when I am preoccupied and cannot find a task to give her, or manage the one she is on she finds her own way. This morning the peanut butter went to the same place as the coffee filter basket. Oh well, deep breath, let it go. I am thinking a fidget busy board with buttons, switches, lights, handles, stuff to fold and unfold, simple puzzles, knots to tie, sounds to make, pictures to create, stuff to clean, etc.... And then when the fidget urge strikes, to the fidget board! Maybe a series of fidget boards in each room i.e. kitchen related fidget board in the kitchen, bathroom and laundry themed fidget boards in every room. That is what my brain is chewing on today.

Another Day

Just Bill - Do you think she could handle stickers on paper? Think sticker books like for children. Would she be able to color? Crayons? I'm thinking short attention span things, basic wooden building blocks or Legos, Lincoln Logs? What about items such as Rubik's Cube? Then are the puzzles, enclosed plastic, hand held, little beads that you have to get through a maze or holes. There are sewing kits for very young children, where you have a printed piece of cardboard with a pattern of holes and what looks like a shoelace with the plastic end that you weave from one hole to another. Does she like jigsaw puzzles, you can get a variety of sizes in those. Would she like a baby doll? One she could care for.....dress, feed, etc. There are baby dolls with all kinds of ties, zippers, buttons and snaps.

I am very much with you on things being put away. I've found multiple things put away in one of the ovens, thankfully cold ovens.... my cell phone, car keys, garage door opener, you name it! My DH is currently in what I'm thinking must be hunter/gatherer mode. He's trying hard to gather everything from the garage and the basement to the kitchen/dining room and living room areas. We've got a path through the dining area now, forget sitting down to eat, his tools are on top of the dining table. Before I knew to child-proof things I had a major scare when he collected some medications and put them somewhere, not to the ovens. It took me days to find them.

One more thought on the fidgeting, satin ribbon or comforter! When my youngest was a fidgeter at bedtime, around 2 years old, his grandmother made him a stuffed animal with a satin ribbon around the neck. He would rub that ribbon between his fingers as I read to him and eventually fall off to sleep. You can find satin on any number of items, clothing, scarves, edging on blankets. You might even find a doll baby with some satin on it. Was she a mother? That doll baby might tap into recessed memories. Just saying. 

I sure hope something helps or works for your situation. Your attitude of letting it go and rationalizing that things can be replaced and or she's not going to be injured by _____? whatever is pretty good. I'm trying for that mindset, some days I do better than others. 

Joydean

Just Bill I don’t have any suggestions but many of the ideas Another Day suggested I used with my grandkids. Kept them busy and actually was great for hand and eye coordination. Sometimes I wish my dh was a little fidgety, he does absolutely nothing. Has tv all day. I can’t say he’s watching because he has no idea what’s even on, it’s just noise for him. The boards you mentioned sound like they would be very beneficial for your wife and a project for you. Just think you might end up with a new profession. Best of luck to you.

​fesk

Building blocks worked for us. The kind that connect together. Sometimes putting smaller items into containers. I would try buying several items (it's hit or miss on what works) and perhaps having an area where she could use them all.

Another Day

Just Bill - am just now shopping for a birthday gift for our soon to be 2 year old granddaughter. Amazon and EBAY have fidget toys galore! I kept her several days this week and building blocks were the big hit with her. Just saying. 

I thought of your particular need for things to occupy your wife with often while the little one was here.