My Mother-In-Law always wants to go the hospital all the time!

Abreu

My mother-in-law goes to the hospital once a week. She is not sick and the doctors have told her that.  We think it's possibly an attention-getting behavior but we aren't sure.  There is no talking her out of it and she will even call the ambulance herself.  The strange thing is she will be pacing and carrying on until the ambulance arrives and then she lays on the couch and acts sick.  She actually walks to the ambulance because there is nothing wrong with her.  Besides the obvious reasons for concern, we worry that this can stir up issues with the Hospital.  Any ideas, or suggestions would be appreciated.

dayn2nite2

Has she always done this?  Like prior to the dementia, sought out doctors/hospitals, always said something was wrong with her?

mommyandme (m&m)

I wonder if she’s noticing a shift in her health or brain and is just trying to seek answers yet can’t express it.  Maybe it’s fear? Some of us can’t get our LO to a doctor so the extreme other end of this spectrum could be beneficial?  I imagine she’s been to a neurologist for a diagnosis?  Maybe she has anxiety that medication might help? 

Early on, I too thought my mom was manipulating.  It definitely frustrated me and it was difficult for me to hide my frustration. I referred to her, even before dementia crept in, as an “attention whore” (not to her face).  I wish I would’ve handled many things differently.  As time went on I found that she wasn’t usually manipulating, it was this disgusting disease presenting in ways I hadn’t yet become familiar with. This learning curve is a steep one and the early stages have so many obstacles to overcome.  

I also wonder if she could be driven by a friend or relative to an urgent care instead?  The ambulance must be costly and is a resource that should be used for serious issues.  If she feels she’s being heard when she expresses these feelings, instead of possibly being denied what could be very real to her, that might help?  Of course I’m not sure of the tactics used, I’m just speaking from my experiences.  The validation of our LOs feelings is a fantastic tool in this caregiving journey, even when not warranted.  

Welcome to the forum but so sorry too.   Keep coming back with any thoughts.  I’d like to say, as a community, we’ve seen most everything. So many supportive folks here. I couldn’t have survived without them. 

Jo C.

Hello Abreu, and a very warm welcome to you.  I can imagine how confounding and difficult a dynamic this must be for everyone. ( I wonder if anyone has a Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare for your MIL)   Personally, from your writing, I do not feel that this is simply attention-getting behavior, but rather part of the changes in thinking caused by damage to the brain from evolving dementia.

It is often difficult to understand our Loved One's, (LOs), behaviors.   As the damage to the brain in thinking centers becomes compromised, our LOs losses impacts into a completely different way of thinking or acting.  Logic and judgment can early in the advancing disease process be significantly compromised and eventually those abilities are lost completely.  No amount of explaining or arguing, etc. will often be of any help whatsoever.  Our LOs beliefs, often including delusional thinking, (delusions are rigid false beliefs), are their absolute truth.  It is as real to them as the chair you are sitting on.  Also, with memory deficits, our LO does not retain information.  Very often our LOs act on feelings alone; this is not uncommon.

I do wonder if your MIL has an actual dementia specialist she sees. If so, this may be a point of assistance; if not, it may be optimal to begin to add such a specialist to the care team as things become more complicated.

One question would be, could she be feeling quietly anxious or insecure?  Is she sensing something very wrong but is no longer able to process that?  In such a state, it may be that she feels that the hospital is her "safe" or "secure" place and the nurses and doctors her comfort for lessening such feelings. Hard to tell.

If she has a dementia specialist, he/she could prescribe appropriate medication to assist in quelling delusions if that is part of the problem and it may or may not be; and/or assisting with possible feelings of anxiety and insecurity.

Sometimes our LOs are in such dire straits that they are admitted as an inpatient to a Geriatric Psych setting for assessment and to have treatment initiated with oversight for effectiveness or any potential side effects. It is important with dementia, that it be a GeroPsych Unit and not a general psych setting as the skills and orientation are necessary at the GeroPsych level.  Medicare does have benefits for this when there is medically necessity.  A doctor must make a referral to such a setting and after a patient screening, it would be decided if this was an appropriate admission to such a setting.

I am not at all saying that this would be the best setting for your MIL, not at all; it is just information.  Somehow I think this behavior may be related to her feelings of where she may feel most comfortable and feeling most secure within herself as she senses something is wrong and is unable to understand but she is still somehow aware that "hospital" is the helping place and they will take care of her.

Of course this cannot continue. If she has called for an ambulance, can a family member not cancel that?  Hopefully she does not live alone or is being left alone as her thinking and judgment is severely impaired. 

It appears that due to your MILs persistent behavior, that her dementia specialist take that seriously and begin to provide the help she needs; simply scolding her or "explaining" to her will not help, it has gone beyond that.

You are being a very caring person and a good advocate for your MIL: please do let us know how you are and how things are going, we will be thinking of you and we care.

J.

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Abreu

Thank you for responding M&M! Urgent care may be an easier option but I am not sure how many they have in her area, she lives in a pretty rural location. So far we have not been able to convince her that she is ok and she does not need to go to the hospital.  It seems she enjoys the fuss and attention she gets there even though they just run tests and send her home. We are working on getting her on the anxiety medication now, I really hope that they will help.