New to the message board(2)

AZgrandma

Hi all! I'm new to the message boards, but, I really need support. My husband who has dementia needs to have extensive dental surgery. We are half way through the process with all of the fittings having been done and the actual dentures and partials are ready. The surgery was scheduled for yesterday, but, at the last minute the dentist's office called and cancelled due to the doctor being sick. The first words that came out of my mouth were "You've got to be kidding me! sh-- no!" I completely understand that doctor's get sick.  I was more reacting to what am I going to do now. I worked really hard to get the right appointment at the right time. The girl I was speaking with couldn't accommodate my preference for the time of rescheduling. My husband can't do mornings and we have several other appointments this month. I had purposely cleared the way this week for him to recover. The girl that I was talking to apparently became offended with me and turned me over the office manager and she was very difficult to deal with. I told her what I had gone through to get the appointment and then she gave me two choices. One of those choices didn't work as I was already scheduled to have a precancerous lesion removed from my face. I kept repeating "I don't know what to do," and I really didn't. Finally, I had no option but to take the time of early morning, which is not good for my husband. Since they only take one patient on that day, a Friday, I asked if we could possibly come at 9 am. The manager replied with a sharp "NO." I let it go at that. I called back the next day to ask again and the women I spoke to that time was much more understanding. Today, the dentist calls me and said that he was passing a kidney stone and he would appreciate it if I was more understanding. I told him that I had no issue with him being sick, but, with the staff, in particular the office manager who only said NO to everything. He told me that I was harsh to the staff and had used foul language. I tried to explain my situation, and remind him that I would have liked to be treated that way as well and that I am paying him $5,000 for the procedure. All he could say is that all he was asking is that we be kind to each other. At this point, I just cried and hung up. Now I don't know what to do. I've already paid  the office $1,500. Personally, I have had issues with the office manager before today as well. She has basically just been rude. This is all a difficult road to walk. Sorry for going on so.

towhee

AZgrandma, welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are going through this. As caregivers, we can get totally stressed out, even to the point of having PTSD. Our brains can stop working and our emotional control can be lost and it is very difficult for others to understand this. Unfortunately, sometimes trying to make others understand just creates more stress.

In this case I don't see that you have much choice. Your husbands' teeth have to be fixed. Just concentrate on fact that you can switch dentists after this procedure. Unless that early morning appointment is impossible, go scream at the sky, do something to bring your stress level down, music, hot tea, pedicure etc., call the dentist, make sure you still have an appointment, take a deep breath and apologize to the staff. Don't try to make them understand or justify yourself. You just want to be businesslike and get through it. When your husband is thru the procedure give yourself a treat, you deserve it. Hope all goes well.

If you don't feel like you can do this by see if someone can go with you to the appointment or have someone else go with your husband.

mommyandme (m&m)

I was just going to say… try to have someone come to help you that morning. Maybe have that person come another day prior to the appointment for familiarity purposes. 

I’m very sorry for this struggle.  You could send the office staff a letter explaining the difficulties and the stress you’re under along with an apology.  Whether the apology is warranted or not, it might help everyone feel lighter, all for the benefit of your husband.  I, as a dementia caregiver, found unwarranted apologies went a long way for my LO.

I hope you’ll post an update and keep coming back here.  

AZgrandma

Thank you both.  You have given me such excellent advice.