My mom has dementia and my dad just passed away

Letty1130

Hello, my mom has dementia and she keeps forgetting my dad has passed away. Sometimes, throughout the day, she remembers. But everyday, at least once, she forgets. She will start looking for my dad and she asks where he went. It’s very hard for me to tell her and make her experience it all over again. But if I don’t tell her, she thinks he’s mad at her and left her. As nd she gets upset  

I’m not sure how to handle this situation. Any suggestions are welcome. 

dayn2nite2

Would she accept a temporary reason, like "he ran to the store?"

Emily 123

Hello Letty,

I'm sorry to hear about your father.  

If it were me, I would not remind her when she can't remember  on her own. It is additional grief that she's less equipped to handle than in her pre-dementia days. As Dayn2nite2 wrote, a fiblet that she'll accept will be useful.  

Ed1937

I'm sorry for your loss. There is no upside to telling her the truth. Just use any fiblets that she will buy. When you tell her an untruth about where he is, you are being compassionate to her by keeping her from hearing the truth. Fiblets are tools that we all realize makes life a little easier for everyone involved. There is nothing wrong with that.

Letty1130

I will try this.  Thank you so much for your reply.

Letty1130

Thank you so much for your advise.  I will def try this.

Letty1130

Thank you for your reply.  I will try this.

Anonymousjpl123

Letty,

So sorry you are going through this. I agree with the fiblets. Also it’s ok to just be kind and calm and distract, especially if she truly doesn’t remember. The goal is for her to feel as ok as possible. Just sending good wishes your way.

jenvt

I've been doing this for the past year with my mom.  My dad passed away 4 years ago.  She asks about 20 times a day where my dad is.  At first I would tell her that he had passed away and she seemed to remember once I told her.   But lately she is devastated when I tell her that he is gone and sometimes she doesn't believe me and gets very angry.  And even though she can't remember anything else, she gets so upset by this that it can go on for an hour.  She will pace around looking for him she will yell at me and tell me I am lying.  So lately I have said he's at work and she has been much calmer.  We even make dinner for him every night.  It has made my life so much easier.  I am new to the fiblets but I am totally on board now that I know it is so much easier for both of us.

mommyandme (m&m)

Well done jenvt!  It’s so much about easing our LOs mind, keeping them peaceful and comfortable.

aannaa

very sad to hear that. I think you can try to make her poop with something else. For example, I got my friend interested in TV, that is, in watching different movies (after reading TruConnect reviews https://truconnect.pissedconsumer.com/review.html ). Drawing also distracts her from the loss of her husband