Gender by the numbers

Ed1937

I remember when I first joined this site, someone said it was nice to see a few men taking part as caregivers. There seemed to be almost all women here. But now it has changed, with many more men here. BUT ... if you look at statistics, more women than men are hit with dementia. Some places say as much as twice as many. So if that's true, why aren't more men involved in forums like this? Is it because they don't want to admit that they need help? Is it because they have someone else doing the caregiving? Is it because they're not strong enough to handle the pressure? 

I may be wrong, but I think if you go to the Caregiver Forum, you will see quite a few more women taking part than men. But why??

Another Day

Ed1937 - could it be because men are more reluctant to ask for help?

Ed1937

That could be. I've been known to ask for directions.

harshedbuzz

Ed1937 wrote:

I remember when I first joined this site, someone said it was nice to see a few men taking part as caregivers. There seemed to be almost all women here. But now it has changed, with many more men here. BUT ... if you look at statistics, more women than men are hit with dementia. Some places say as much as twice as many. So if that's true, why aren't more men involved in forums like this?

Because many of those women have outlived their husbands and their care is being over seen by an adult child-- often a daughter is she has one. During the time my dad had dementia, 2 of my mom's sisters and a dear friend's mom were also in late to middle stages. All 3 ladies were widows. 

Is it because they don't want to admit that they need help? Is it because they have someone else doing the caregiving? Is it because they're not strong enough to handle the pressure? 

I'd like to see the percentage of women in MCF who have a living spouse vs the percentage of men who do. I'd also be interested in the decision-making process (straw that broke the camel's back as they say) that led to placement-- do women keep men at home into a later stage than men do because of societal expectations that women should be hands-on caregivers? Or do many women have to place a husband at an earlier stage because they need to work towards retirement or because they don't physically have the strength to provide care to someone too big for them to safely manage.

I may be wrong, but I think if you go to the Caregiver Forum, you will see quite a few more women taking part than men. But why??

Because that's where the daughters are. 

HB

Quilting brings calm

Regarding the number of men on the forum: My step-dad is in his 80s.  He has a 5th grade reading level, an 8th grade education and a flip phone.  He’s never used a computer.  He has no idea forums like this exist.  He wouldn’t have the skills to use it even if he did become aware of it.  

His school district only went to the 8th grade.  He had to go to the next school district to go to high school.  I don’t know why he didn’t. That would have been in the 1950s and I think it was still fairly common for males in particular  to quit school without graduating.  Factory or farm work would  have  paid well. Marriage and children happened soon after.   

Quilting brings calm

Regarding the number of men on the forum: My step-dad is in his 80s.  He has a 5th grade reading level, an 8th grade education and a flip phone.  He’s never used a computer.  He has no idea forums like this exist.  He wouldn’t have the skills to use it even if he did become aware of it.  

His school district only went to the 8th grade.  He had to go to the next school district to go to high school.  I don’t know why he didn’t. That would have been in the 1950s and I think it was still fairly common for males in particular  to quit school without graduating.  Factory or farm work would  have  paid well. Marriage and children happened soon after.   

Ed1937

HB, it looks like you put some thought into that. Thanks. It makes sense. So where are the sons?

Ed1937

harshedbuzz wrote:

I may be wrong, but I think if you go to the Caregiver Forum, you will see quite a few more women taking part than men. But why??

Because that's where the daughters are. 

               ______________________________________________________

Yes, but doesn't that bring us back to square one? Where are the sons? It just seems to me that women are more apt to jump in the fire than men. Maybe women are actually the stronger sex, at least mentally. I agree that there are probably many more women than men caregivers. And that even carries over into the paid caregivers, at least from what I've seen. One of the great mysteries of life.

Joe C.

I have belonged to a number of in person Caregiver Support Groups throughout this journey. Caregivers come and go so the members demographic change all the time but recently both groups that I am currently active with are more heavily weighted with husbands than with wives & children caregivers combined.

harshedbuzz

Mayor Ed--

There are a few obvious sons on the Caregiver Forum-- GoodSon1 and el_hijo come to mind recently. 

This piece is interesting. 

Daughters (Still) Are the Caregivers - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

(I hope this isn't beyond a paywall for you. It didn't let me gift it. 

TL;DR Daughters are caregivers in greater numbers because their ailing mothers want it that way.

HB

Ed1937

Thanks for the link, HB. That was an interesting finding. Kind of surprised me too.

Quilting brings calm

Another reason that women might still be more likely to be caregivers is because they have traditionally been caregivers. Traditionally been the ones to quit their jobs  to stay home with children or elderly  parents or others.  Especially since their income was often the smaller one of a married couple.   Male siblings  still think that their female siblings should be the one taking care of mom or dad. 

In addition to gender, birth order seems to be a factor. I’m the eldest- my siblings seem to think that it’s my responsibility. 

storycrafter

Yes, it's a cultural thing. Patriarchal conditioning is ingrained in our formative years and very hard to change.

toolbeltexpert

Well I have been involved with memory care facilities for about 12 years. And by far the number of women placed far exceeds men. So where are they the men? Even as I watch visitors, women far exceed the men again. So where are they again? There are 3 men who visit regularly almost every day and I will say those 3 men visit more than all but one women. Thats an interesting observation. I have never been afraid to discuss issues like care giving because this is a road less traveled, I learn from others who have been there. Maybe men don't want to learn, about what's required of them, they just want to move on? present company excluded of course. I want to be in charge as well, to determine the best path and make a plan to do the best I can. Make mistakes sure but I try to learn from them. Good question Ed the devotion I read everyday asked this very question, where are the men? I might take picture and share it later.

Stewart 

mommyandme (m&m)

Is it the same ratio with women vs men in the nursing field?