So much ice cream!

LizardJoy

Hello! 

My 71 y.o. mom has dementia (presumably Lewy Body) and is living in an asst. living facility. I live out of state and talk with her daily, handle her finances, etc. My brother is local, visits her weekly and takes her to appointments. She is in the later middle stages with daily hallucinations, not oriented in time or place, confusing me with her sister, incontinent, but able to do her own personal hygiene tasks. 

All of her meals are prepared for her, but I have a few groceries delivered to her every 2 weeks for toiletries, favorite beverages, and ice cream. She's always loved ice cream. She's obese and has always suffered from poor body image, loved ones being critical of her body and doctors telling her to lose weight. 

Now that she has a terminal illness, I'm inclined to let her eat whatever she wants. Why worry about long term health and prevention of chronic illnesses?! Ice cream is one of the few joys in her daily life! But this past week she consumed her entire two week allotment of ice cream (a gallon!) in three days. That's extreme. 

My partner thinks I need to ration her ice cream since I'm responsible for her care (bro and I have D-POA and M-POA). I don't want to be irresponsible and enable her to suffer, but I know the days when she won't want to eat or be able to swallow are not far off. 

Probably the answer is somewhere in the middle, with letting her have plenty of ice cream, but not extreme quantities. Has anyone else dealt with this?

easy23

My husband has frontal lobe brain damage and will eat all of the ice cream that's in the freezer in one day. He has gained 40 lbs in six months. I have had to resort to buying a pint every other day. It's more expensive that way, but he doesn't complain about the lesser amount of ice cream.  If I were you, I would restrict how much ice cream you buy to avoid an additional weight gain like my husband.

Quilting brings calm

Ask your brother to buy her the single serve ice cream cups that come 6 or so to a pack on the days that he sees her, instead of you having  a gallon at a time delivered. That will limit how much see overindulges.   He might be able to just get them when he gets his own groceries abs them just being a package with him whenever he comes to see her. 

Or you can just order them that way with the rest of the items you have delivered. 

FYI- I’d ask the AL if ice cream cups are a daily dessert choice for their meals.  She is probably getting ice cream then too 

Iris L.

Also consider fat-free or low fat frozen yoghurt.

But I think removing the excess is the best option.  I too have an ice cream obsession.

Iris

harshedbuzz

Lizard Joy-

This is a tough one-- balancing health against allowing a PWD whose life has become small something that brings pleasure.

I'm of 2 minds on this. On one hand, how she felt about her body prior to dementia probably doesn't need to be factored into this. On the other, if she is already extremely obese gaining weight could impact her care going forward. Skin care becomes critical as the disease progresses and being able to attend to hygiene in the bathroom and keeping folds of skin from infections could get ugly. It's a balance in making it possible for others to care for her. My dad loved hot coffee. His caregivers asked me to stop bringing it as it triggered explosive bowel movements and they were the ones doing clean up. 

I agree with the others that a single serve cup makes sense when your brother visits. The lower calorie options aren't that low. Breyer's Vanilla is 170 calories per 2/3 cup serving. Kemp's frozen yogurt is 150 and Breyer's "No Sugar-Added" and "Carb Smart" versions are 110. 

I wonder if she'd do better in a MCF at this point. I was able to leave treats for dad in MC and they'd offer them if he didn't feel like what was for dinner, at snack time or if he woke in the middle of the night.

TBH, ice cream is one of the last textures to give PWD problems. Ice cream may be on the menu long after other foods are no longer doable for her. I brought dad a milk shake hours before he died from complications of aspiration pneumonia. His doctor thought he may have aspirated on water or possibly even saliva and pocketed food.

HB

BassetHoundAnn

Hello, LizardJoy, 

Does the assisted living facility provide afternoon snacks? In my mom's facility aids brought her an ice-cream or yogurt nearly every day. And ice-cream was often served as dessert for supper or lunch. 

My mom loved ice-cream and I would buy it for her, but she seemed to have lost the ability to understand what a refrigerator freezer compartment is because she never looked inside it. I always found the ice-cream carton untouched, and my mom would always express surprise that she had ice-cream on hand.

Your mom may be headed in that direction?

Also at a certain point my mom no longer understood what a single-serving container of ice-cream was or how to open it. You are familiar with Ice-Cream Drumsticks, the single-serving cones with choc and nuts? They would pass them out as afternoon snacks at my mom's facility. My mom adored them. But at a certain point I started finding them laying on the counter next to the refrigerator or on a shelf in the refrigerator. She could no longer identify them as ice-cream and no longer understood that they were to be stored in the freezer. And maybe she couldn't figure out how to open them either.

Suggesting that your mom's ability to eat a carton of ice-cream--or even open a single-serving ice-cream--or even find ice-cream in the freezer may be coming to an end in the future. 

Excess weight can be a problem for caregiving. I've been told at my mom's current memory care facility that when someone is so large that they require two aids to maneuver them even with a Hoyer lift that's when they start pushing the family to move them to a skilled nursing facility. Not only are SNFs considerably more expensive than assisted living but the care is not dementia-specific. 

mommyandme (m&m)

While caring for my mother I decided I will not become obese again.  (Actually when recovering from the West Nile Virus I decided I would lose weight.  I was ashamed at how heavy I was and my husband had to do some real down and dirty caregiving for me.  The weight made it difficult in many ways. I was very ill and it took three weeks to figure out what was wrong with me.  I thought I had probably made myself sick due to my weight and going forward I didn’t want to be the sole reason my husband had to care for me that way)  My mom was overweight, not morbidly so, but still.  It created problems for me and especially my back.  I was thankful that I could maneuver and do things more easily without the added 100 lbs I used to wear.  In fact I couldn’t have been her caregiver if I was still heavy.  Wow… tangent. 

Anyway, if your mom continues to gain weight it could hinder caregiving efforts.  That was my first thought when reading your post.  Thinking about when I was rolling mom over while changing her diaper, even in a raised hospital bed, I wished she was a little lighter.  I’m on team “decrease the ice cream”.

This all just sucks and I’m so sorry! 

Joydean

Last year ice cream was all I could eat my dh to get. He really loved Braums frozen yogurt so that’s what I would get for him. We would go 2xs a week, both 4 half gallons each time. All summer that was what he ate. I know definitely not healthy. His doctor said let him enjoy whatever he wants! I did, funny part is he didn’t gain any weight. Now he want even touch it. Best of luck to you!

MN Chickadee

I would try to find a middle ground. I get wanting to let her have the little pleasures that remain but as others have stated gaining too much weight could negatively affect her care. Another family member of mine, one who did not have dementia but had many physical ailments, needed skilled nursing home care towards the end of her life. Her family was greatly limited in options because of her size, she was in the morbidly obese category at probably at least 400 pounds. Many facilities did not have the equipment to lift such a big person and could not accept her.  Just getting the durable equipment for a large person can be harder (hoyer lift, wheelchair etc.) I would send much smaller units of ice cream so when they are gone they are gone for the week.