Alone time - HA!

JC5

Can’t seem to get alone time! Everyday there is a different ailment and DH follows me room to room to just sit! He says he feels lightheaded or his leg hurts or his back hurts or he feels confused. I understand his need to be with me but it’s like having eyes on you every second of the day. I try to give him simple tasks such as hanging his coat up, take the recyclables out and he will say sure and never do it. When I remind him he says he will and when I end up doing it he get upset and says He was going to it! Today he was feeling lightheaded - BP good, sugars good staying hydrated etc. Told him I didn’t know what else to do but call the doctor. Absolutely not!! Had him sit in his recliner and went downstairs to do laundry - lo and behold there he was a few minutes later!! He refused to go back up and sit down so I went! And of course he followed me! I don’t know what to do. I hate this awful disease!

Just Bill

My wife is that way. Her idea of doing something is watching me do something. I don't mind, I am used to it. I take her to work and golf. Around the house she keeps her eye on me while I work out, pay bills, prepare meals. I think she has a problem visualizing then executing a task. She is OCD about straightening the house and kitchen. Pretty much hiding everything everywhere. If she is watching me she isn't hiding stuff so watching me is better.

JC5

Good point at least you know where they are. It just makes me feel so uncomfortable. He doesn’t say anything just sits there oh and listens to his pager all day long. He’s been “involved”  in the FD as a volunteer for 50 years. Listening to the constant loud chatter on his pager and having eyes on me all day is overwhelming!

Dio

I thought shadowing me was intolerable until recently when it turned into espying my every move and saying "you shouldn't do ____" or "you don't need to do ____" or any variation with a negative. Imagine turning on/off lights, flushing toilet, putting on hand lotion or skin moisturizer... and it's met with "don't." Can it get any worse? I'm afraid of the answer.

JC5

So sorry you are dealing with this! Wish I had an answer but in an odd way we all are dealing with some form of “eyes on us”! Hopefully we can find that turn off space to deal with this intrusive, annoying behavior!

KathyF1

JC, I am in the exact same situation. My DH follows me everywhere, demands my constant attention, just “hovers”. It is so hard. But if he’s not in my presence I wonder what he’s doing and have to go check. Usually he’s feeding the dogs spoonfuls of peanut butter or handfuls of cheese. Yes this disease is awful. It’s really hard not to fall into depression. And enormous amounts of patience are required. I pray constantly for God’s help.

Joydean

I’m right there with you all! My dh has been following me all around the house for a while. He too tells me he’s dizzy feeling, I check his bp, normal. Says something is wrong with his brain, that one is hard for me because it is the truth, he just doesn’t know what is wrong with him. He tells me everyday “all you do is clean all the time “. Sadly the bathroom dose have to be cleaned 9-10 times a day because he can’t make it there in time and refuses to wear pull-ups. But honestly mopping is not a huge task and I keep a bucket and cleaning supplies handy. But I guess this is just the way our life is now.  I have forgotten how it feels to go to the bathroom by myself!

Another Day

I like to sing/hum, "Me and My Shadow, My Shadow and Me." LOL It gets super annoying at times with his constant hovering and suggesting how I should do things or not do something. I've broke it up a little by hanging out upstairs more. He likes the main level, so at this point in time that is what's working for me. Today I need to get in the kitchen for a bit and get some things done, we'll see how that goes. I'm constantly asking for his help, things he can still do, change a light bulb, check the batteries in ....... a clock, one of the remotes, etc., help feed the cats, refill the bird feeders, put the newspapers back together and in order so we can pass them on to whoever. Should we start a thread on the various things that work? Of course that changes so often, but ideas are always good. 

My DH will talk any task to death if it's complicated, but it never gets done and I get tired of listening to blah, blah, blah. He gets super annoyed if I don't give him my undivided attention and listen to his every word. I just don't have time to be still, hands primly folded and give him my undivided attention....especially when I know that it's going nowhere! I finally learned to not ask him to do anything complicated. I also told him on more than one occasion that he should be a college professor, then he would have a captive audience to bore to death. 

Dio - that one gets me too. We don't need or you don't need. Grrrr. ARGH!!! I've started by saying thank you and then telling him I've already decided that I'm going to ________.  If he persists, I tell him very calmly that I'm a big girl and decided that all on my own. 

The worst is him constantly telling me how to drive. He gave up on his own, and thank you Lord, over 2 years ago, but still wants to give me play by play instructions as I'm driving. I blew up not too long ago, used some expletives that he's not used to hearing coming from my mouth and he's backed off a little. 

Time alone - you're going to have to play with that one. It changes and I've come to think of it somewhat in the same terms of what works when I'm keeping our 2 year old granddaughter and need to run to the bathroom or whatever. I withhold some little prize out of her toy collection to hand to her when I need to not be in the room for a couple minutes. Now if I transfer that same thinking for my husband, his little prizes are just different. The current prizes are 2 magazines he's fond of and the newspaper which comes once a week. I carry a tote bag to the Post Office so he doesn't necessarily see what comes in when. Get it? I make sure he doesn't see me pull those items from my bag either. Another option I'm using right now is printed articles or emails for him to read as I'm getting a breather of a minute or two. I have those stashed where I can pull them out when I need them and twa-la, I know the clock is probably ticking, but I need a little time and those things buy me just that, time. I hope you get this figured out, it is truly maddening. 

Oh, before I forget - my DH is currently enjoying hanging laundry. Fantastic! If he's sitting in the living room, I carry the drying rack to him, set it down on the floor beside where he's sitting on the couch and then deliver an entire load of socks and underwear or whatever I have at the time. It's what's working at this point in time. Why not go with it? 

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JudyMorrowMaloney

I'm reading all of these posts and can say "that's my life!"  I've pretty much lost all of my alone time.  I work FT at home now.  I used to work in my own little room by myself upstairs but now my DH insists that I work on the kitchen table so I can be near him when he's laying on the couch and watching tv because he "doesn't want to be alone."  It sucks since he's constantly trying to talk to me when I'm working and gets insulted if I tell him I can't talk at that time.  He thinks I'm suppose to just stop what I'm doing to tend to him. Since he is nearly imobile, I have to dress him, wash him, fetch the urinal, and feed him.  Its exhausting!  When does it end!?

I miss my life, my room, my "me" time!  I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own home since he can't be left alone and I can't find any help.  I sometimes wonder how long I can do this and if I'm being punished for something.  I picked up a caregiver's pamphlet and the first words were "you are about to embark on a rewarding journey".  REWARDING!!!!  HAAA!  I don't think its rewarding. Its sucking the life out of me.  I've tried the nursing home thing and that was a disaster.  I was taking better care of him here than they were.  I've had help coming in but sometimes they would come late and leave early or not show up at all.  I spoke to the supervisor and she said "I can't guarantee that there won't be any mishaps."  After that I gave up and have been doing this alone ever since.  I once saw a post of here saying "The calvary is not coming."  That is sooo true.  Glad to see I'm not the only person who goes through all of this.  

ghphotog

It's called shadowing and also par for the course.

My DW follows me everrrery where. I can't even use the bathroom without her looking for me. Right now I'm trying to use the bathroom and she is calling for me wanting to know where I am. Get used to it is all I can say.

Denise1847

Have you heard of a "figit" blanket?   I ordered one from Etsy and it sometimes works for my DH.  Take a look at it and see if it might help.  God Bless.  This disease attacks both the patient and the caregiver.