One day after my dad's funeral

NC Girl 23

I sit here the day after my father’s funeral looking at the death certificate that shows “Alzheimer’s” as the direct cause of death. It hits me like nothing ever has. There were contributing factors, but that was the listed sole direct cause of death. While I knew that he had “early” Alzheimer’s, as well as dementia from a significant stroke two years ago after my mother’s death from a stroke just two months prior, I guess I never thought it would be the cause of his death. He has gone through so much in the last two years, and I know that his body is now whole and his mind is now clear.  That is what sustains me now that he is gone.

Being his caregiver during that time, it was hard to see him struggle with thoughts and memories, but it was harder still to see a healthcare system fail him when there were physical medical issues. To see him go from being able to help in his care by walking with a walker and going to the bathroom with some assistance to being totally incontinent and unable to stand on his own in a matter of a few days because of medication issues and failure to properly treat medical issues was devastating. To be told that “with his dementia, his age, and his current condition, it may not be worth a full treatment plan” was also devastating. Healthcare for the aged has become sad and lacking, and I fear that it will soon be nonexistent.

He was sent home to Hospice at Home but two days later transferred to Hospice House and six days after that passed away. Those first two days at home were filled with unimaginable pain, which necessitated being moved to Hospice and required very near sedation for relief. His time at Hospice was the most compassionate and sympathetic that he received from any of the medical professionals we encountered. They treated him with respect and dignity, even when he was at his worst and most vulnerable. They truly were angels ministering to my dad and us during that time.

I guess the biggest thing I take away from his experience is that we all must advocate for ourselves and our families. We must go above and beyond the usual concern and actively participate in our/their care, even when we don’t understand what is happening. We have to find out what is happening and what the treatment options are and then push for what we believe to be the best treatment, regardless of what we are told. May everyone dealing with this terrible disease and others that cause similar issues find a way to help themselves and their loved ones live with those in the best way possible.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and mom.  They are blessed and must be proud of how you stepped up for them and cared for them. This is all so very hard! I’m just sorry for all of us dealing with all if this. Please take good care!