LO resistant to moving, advice needed please!

AnonyMis

My parents both have dementia: mom is stage 4 on GDS and dad is between stage 5/6 on GDS. They live about 45 minutes away from me. My dad's symptoms are getting worse and he is prediabetic with new pedal edema. Mom refuses to consider moving closer to my family so we can help them. They need someone to check on them daily for preparing food and med management. I suggested they might have a caregiver homecare person come in once a day and she was incredibly resistant and says they don't need help. 

Any advice? It's extremely obvious they need help but the stubbornness and resistance is off the charts. How do I help her see they need help? 

Their home needs well water/plumbing work so my husband and I have mentioned to her they might need to move but she just says she "won't drink the water" and will use bottled water. I'm literally considering typing up a fake letter about their well water being bad. 

Thank you for any advice!

Iris L.

Welcome!  The stubbornness snd resistance is due to anosognosia, a characteristic of dementia that causes the PWD to be unaware of having dementia.  They truly believe they are fine.  If you try to confront them with reality, they will resist and become upset.  You will have to learn the work-arounds that the members use.  A fake letter might be one of the work-arounds.  

Iris L.

terei

You will not ‘get them to see they need help’.  They both have dementia + do not have the ability to make rational decisions.  The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can make a plan and implement it to get them into assisted living or MC.

Disable the plumbing  so there is no water at all + then have it set up to take them to your home + then to a facility ‘ til you can get the problem fixed’.

Once you have them in a place where they are safe + cared for, you can tell them ‘the doctor says you have to be here until your health improves + the plumbing is fixed’. 

Until they are acclimated ‘parts are on back order’ doctor says ‘not yet’ etc etc etc

You are not going to get them to agree.   Read this board for a couple hours + you will find dozens of examples similar to yours. Make a plan, take charge, move ahead.