Not being taken seriously

Tidd

I know that most agree that telling "fiblets" are the way to handle alot of situations...but what do you do when situations call for a "truth" that is not understood?

My mom gets regularly encouraged by her doctors to memorize her medication names, dosages, and scheduling. When she goes to the doctors they directly hand her a sheet with summary of her visit..which include her medication information. She comes home and becomes hype fixated and obsessive with trying to memorize things off the sheet. 

Last time a paper was given, she spent 2 weeks trying to accomplish the same thing..to no avail. She picks up the paper constantly, questioning me, asking me to review the medication list with her countless times. 

 She also accuses me of giving her the wrong medication, and she blames me for all her recent hospitalizations. She refuses to give me the sheet, and if I were to remove it without her knowledge she becomes very agitated. 

She has called her doctor many times to review her medication with her. They always do..and she'll hang up and within a couple of hours, she doesn't remember the conversation ever happening. .and carries on as before. There are times when as soon as she wakes up ( between 5am-7am most days) she picks it up again off and on and won't put it down untill 2am.

How do I deal with the above situation??

How do I deal with another current situation....

My mom is concerned about her friend...a neighbor who lives a few door down. She is concerned that something sinister has happened to her because when my mom decided to call, the neighbors house phone and cell numbers are completely disconnected. Highly unusual for the friend.

 My mom hasn't spoken to her in about 1 to 2 weeks (Her new reality tells her it's been about 2 months).

So after her son (I tried multiple times and she wouldn't listen to me) after one try discouraged my mother from calling any other neighbors, relatives, friends of the neighbor (I told her that isn't a good idea..as any of them might have something to do with the possible crime and how we don't want to alert them with our questioning).. she finally took his advice and called the cops. They said they will check it out.

We are currently waiting for an update on the friend's status.

In the meantime, my mother keeps insisting that she should contact any neighbors and question them.

I tried to explain to her that she shouldn't because they may be involved and therefore they would lie to her.. and that she would believe whatever they tell her and would phone the police, stopping them telling that her friend was okay.

 I told her it is best to not contact anyone and to let the police handle it.

She can't rationalize logically and her new reality tells her that the neighbors friends and loved ones couldn't possibly have harmed her .. because they're all friends and they hangout with each other frequently. 

So she has begun her repetitive rituals of picking up her phone and phone book off and on....trying to recognize their numbers to call.

Her son's aren't any help, and have been encouraging her to call. They have been trying to call as well.

I'm the only one who seems to understand the severity of alerting possible suspects that may "finish off the job" if our neighbor and friend is still alive. 

They can't understand or refuse to understand the severity and consequences of going up there and spreading their DNA all over...if the ones involved are watching ...if the cops arrive when they are there....they can be accused of whatever happened...which even if proven innocent could cause them to loose their careers.. hindering their income, etc...

Is there anything I can do, or have I done all that I can do, and I should just leave it alone??? 

Also, I fear retaliation from possible suspects...if we were to proactively involve ourselves any further.

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Iris L.

Your mom sounds like she should not be going to doctor's appointments alone nor even living alone.  

Some doctor's offices nowadays ask patients to bring all the medications into the office.  

Iris L

Tidd

Someone always accompanies her to the doctors, and stays untill it's time to return her home. It's usually one of her son's. 

Her doctors never ask her to bring her medication..they have all medication information on file electronically. 

With or without the printout there's daily confusion and struggles with her not being able to remember ever taking her pills. I show and tell her that she does and   she becomes insistent and adamant that she didn't. Within 10 to 15 minutes of her taking her medication she forgets. 

She takes 2 pills with dinner. I give them as directed. Within that 10-15 minute time frame(especially if she's just waking up from a nap) she tells me that she didn't take them. If I tell her I gave it to her right before she ate . .she can't grasp that. Somehow it's like she never heard me saying it at all. Her brain bypasses it, and she'll tell me that the doctor said it's to be taken at dinner with food and that when the doctor says a specific time, that's what they mean. I always respond by telling her I gave it to her correctly. That she did take them with dinner. 

She doesn't grasp that. .even after repeating it several times.

Her new reality tells her that either she's right, or I'm wrong, or I'm right and she doesn't understand, or that she's right and I just don't understand. 

She told me that today. This evening after being confused about her evening medication...she couldn't grasp the fact that she takes one more pill tonight around 9pm.

She was adamant about her confusion about her night medicine being her evening medicine and that she wasn't supposed to take her evening medication at night.

Idk.

I usually say okay and try to change the subject. 

It works for about an hour, then she's right back to questioning me about her medication.

Everyday she tells me about having to check with the doctors to make sure that she's taking her medication correctly. I always tell her okay we'll call tomorrow.

Even when they explain it to her, she just doesn't grasp it.

I believe without the print out, things would be worse...even though with it is still worse.

Wellmnt

My mother (with advancing dementia struggles with the help of my father) in taking medications and remembering when/if she did.  To resolve the issue, I purchased pill pouches (which can be bought in bulk on Amazon). The bags are reasonably inexpensive (I think they are $12/500 bags and are disposable).  The bags are 3x5" approximately and are disposable. I dispense all of her medications (she takes multiple medications) into the ziploc type bag with the date of the week, calendar date and whether it is a nighttime/daytime dose on each bag and place the bags in chronological order on the kitchen table.  I also use post it notes on her bathroom mirror to remind her to take her pills each morning/night (most adults use the sink in their bathrooms to brush their teeth or wash their hands after urinating. The reminders seem to help and ensure she is taking her medications daily.

Remembering to look at a copy of her medications' list can be very difficult.  You may have to take the responsibility from her and make it a little easier for her to remember what to take when.  I had to take the responsibility from my parents last year.  In the small amount of time it takes for me to refill the medicine pouches is definitely worth it. A trusted caregiver can be tasked with the responsibility to avoid confusion and guarantee administration of the medication but you still leave the individual with their independence.

hollyk77

Tidd I dealt with this with my mother about 3 months ago. I had been dispensing her medication for over a year and then she started questioning me about what her medications were and then she didn't want to take them. She finally told me that I was not to help her anymore and she would do it herself. She even went so far as to take the bag I keep her medication bottles in. 

 The week after Christmas she had 3 major anxiety attacks from not taking her medication. She had hidden it from me and couldn't find it so just didn't take it. I am now dispensing her medicine again. 

Does your mom live alone? I found a pill holder on Amazon that has 7 different rows with 4 sections in each row. I labeled them with the time of day the meds are to be taken and then I take out that days row and leave it on the table so we will see it. This might be a good option your mom because then she can see what daily medication has been taken,

Iris L.

Tidd wrote:

Someone always accompanies her to the doctors, and stays untill it's time to return her home. It's usually one of her son's. 

This person should be answering the doctor's questions if this person is the medical POA.                                                                                   

With or without the printout there's daily confusion and struggles

 she forgets. 

She doesn't grasp that. .even after repeating it several times.

Her new reality tells her that either she's right, or I'm wrong, or I'm right and she doesn't understand, or that she's right and I just don't understand. 

...she couldn't grasp the fact that she takes one more pill tonight around 9pm.

She was adamant about her confusion about her night medicine being her evening medicine and that she wasn't supposed to take her evening medication at night.

 she just doesn't grasp it.

You are describing your mom's dementia.  She is confused and forgetful.    She is unaware how confused and forgetful she is (anosognosia).  All that the family is expecting her to do, she cannot.

Iris L