A word of hope (power of attorney/advance medical directive/ will)

Anonymousjpl123

Spent the day with my mom getting will, power of attorney, advanced medical directive done. 

Doctors appt in 3 weeks 

Now all that is left is to be annoyed when she calls 10 x a day, feel guilty for being annoyed, be relieved she is somewhere safe; feel like I’m spending too much time with her, worry I’m. Kt spending enough time with her, and still spend as much quality time with her as I can.

I avoid mourning by doing.

I have spent more time with my mom the last 3 months than I have in 30 years. She is nowhere near the same person. 

Literally every hard thing is done and I just want to cry.

I’m ready to start taking care of myself again too. I haven’t rested since my dad passed and I became moms caretaker.

Thanks for listening. Love this forum. 

ginateresa

So sorry for what you both are going through.

I can relate to feeling guilty no matter what you do or don't do.  I think it is normal because we care.

I sold my house last year to move in with my Mom and assist her after she was diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago.  It hasn't been easy, but she didn't ask for this either.

I hope we both can find the support we need to get us through this tough time.

I am new here and new to this disease and caregiver roll.

G

hollyk77

I am new here as well. I have lived with my mom since my son was 10 months old. So, watching her decline over the last few years and not having anyone listen until recently has been hard. We finally received her moderate Alzheimer's with Vascular Dementia diagnosis last month. 

Every day I feel guilty for blaming her, in my mind, for our financial problems, which is a whole other issue. There are days when she wants to go with me to grocery store and I tell her no just so I can have time to myself, and then I feel horrible. I have been her only caregiver for the last 2 years and it is really starting to take it's toll on me. I am so thankful for finding this site and knowing there are friendly ears to listen.

Anonymousjpl123

Gina and Holly,

As I sit here watching tv with my mom I realize how grateful I am for this forum and getting support! I am sorry we all have found ourselves in this road, but glad we have each other for support. I think it’s a very easy to shift between guilt and sorrow and love. Regardless of our past relationship. I think something changed when you are responsible for making sure someone is on and looking out for their best interests. 

Oddly, as someone who never had children, I don’t know how parents do it! But I also feel the fluctuation between seering resentment (I especially understand the financial piece), guilt about having to tell her I can’t visit some days, and the enormous relief for days like today where she can be peaceful with me, stay over at my house, and enjoy the animals. 

Today we went to lunch and she said “I hope I live another 10 years” and my heart soared with joy that she could feel that way. But it goes up and down. 

Seeing her in this light, being there for anyone in this condition, is a special form of love and it is not easy.