Reporting DH to the BMV / the Driving Issue Has Returned

mommafour

I know the driving issue has been addressed many times on this forum.  I read through several older posts, but I'm not finding any issue similar to mine (reporting to BMV).

Has anyone ever needed to go so far as reporting your LO to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (the BMV) to get them to stop driving? I think I will need to take that drastic step, and within the next few days.  I thought the driving issue was settled a few months ago.  DH’s car was sold and I have been driving us everywhere. Everything was fine. Unfortunately, DH has started having some delusions and anger recently and a lot of it stems from the car issue coming up again.  During his anger rants, he accuses me of lying to him about his “condition”, I’m lying to his doctors, there is nothing wrong with him, he hasn’t driven a car for over 25 years, and I am doing this to control him.  Of course, NONE of this is true.  His medication (Seroquel) was recently increased to address his anger and other delusional thoughts but its not working so far. Every day, he insists we go shopping for his new car and its exhausting holding him back on this idea. In our state, the reporting is anonymous. His doctor could report him but has not, even though she emphatically told him to stop and even wrote it on a “prescription” form for me to show to him when he brings it up.  He accuses me of writing it myself on a fake prescription form.  Part of the problem is that he was considered an “expert” in the field of defensive driving and accident reconstruction many years ago, teaching it to law enforcement, and giving seminars across the country, so that was very important to him and he points it out every day.  His driving skills aren't actually bad at all but I’m not taking any chances.  Also, he got lost a few times when he used to drive alone.  His MoCA score in January dropped significantly from the last test and he is slipping into Stage 6. I’m falling apart due to the stress and fear.  I'll feel guilty about reporting him myself, but I would feel worse if something bad happened. So....I'll do it.   

Twin Mom

Stay tough.  Your life and his both physically and financially might depend on your being the reporter. I just looked up your state and it appears physicians are not mandated reporters.  That is unfortunate for sure.

mommafour

Twin Mom - The Dr. is not required to report in our state.  I wish that were the case - it would make things so much easier.  Once I fill out a form to report him, the BMV can send another form for the Dr. fill out. That is an optional action the BMV may take.  They may also require him to take a driving test (he wouldn't pass the written portion) or just void his license with no further action.  I feel that the Dr. will comply with the request from the BMV to complete their form, if that happens. The day she wrote it on the prescription form, DH was all in agreement with her and indicated that he has no intention to ever drive again.  I agree with you about it also being a financial consideration.  That worries me too.  Sorry that you also had to go through this issue.

Ed1937

This is tough. But it might not make any difference who tells him he can't drive. Even without a license, he will likely keep bringing it up to you. Just be as ready as you can for a battle.

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mommafour

Ed - You're right.  He has already said that he will still drive, even if he has no license or insurance.  Not sure this will even make a difference.  I won't let him drive but I know I'm in for an epic battle soon. 

Victoria 2020 - I like the billboard idea. Maybe if I threaten to embarrass him with a billboard, he will shut this idea down (joking).  I have finally pretended to agree with him about a new car, and so far I have him held off until end of this month. I need to start thinking about the next excuse.

M1

Momma, I had to hide all car keys, and this was still the issue that caused my partner to threaten violence to me last year, landed her in the hospital and in memory care.  We live in the country, where it's impossible to function without a car/truck (we have both, but fortunately she was afraid of driving my car).  Definitely report him--but again, he's not going to care whether he's reported or not and that is unlikely to stop him.    You are going to have to physically do something to keep him from having access to an operating motor vehicle.  My own doctor disabled the battery on his mother's car.  I'm sorry....

Denise1847

Please report the problem.  You might consider a call rather than just the website.  I reported my DH's issue using the website and it was ignored.  However, God had His own plan.  Unfortunately, my DH suffered a detached retina and because my DH was not compliant with the restrictions of keeping his head down during the recovery, he lost sight in that eye.  The loss of sight caused him to stop driving.

I am so sorry that you are having such stress.   This disease is a killer to both the patient and the caregiver.  

mommafour

M1 - sorry you had to go through that experience too.   I am planning now just in case DH's current situation takes a similar path...threats, hospital, memory care. 

Denise1857 - thanks for the idea to call.  I will send in the form but will also call them directly. Sorry to hear of your DH's eyesight issue.

Twin Mom

If necessary you can get a wireless remote kill switch for your battery so even if he gets the keys he's got a dead battery.  They are available on Amazon for about $30.  Amazingly you can get the battery "charged up and ready to go" whenever you need to go somewhere. 

Twin Mom

If necessary you can get a wireless remote kill switch for your battery so even if he gets the keys he's got a dead battery.  They are available on Amazon for about $30.  Amazingly you can get the battery "charged up and ready to go" whenever you need to go somewhere.  .  Then you just have to outfox him with hiding the remote.