Anger

Another Day

Palmetto Peg

It is funny how when they really want something, they can figure out how to do it.  I am sure this stage doesn't last long, but my DH can't do a thing for himself until he wants something and I am not immediately available.  It doesn't always work out and then I find him frustrated and angry, but he can still make a phone call when he wants to.

Hang in there - we are so lucky to have this forum to get advice from and to vent a little!

Ed1937

That cancellation could turn out to be a diamond in the rough. You will have time to talk to the doctor about all of your concerns with your DH. Hopefully he won't do that again.

toolbeltexpert

Another day. I used this fib when it came time to see the doctor because excuses abound. I told dw there was a 300$ cancelation fee now because of Medicare or covid whatever works but it worked for me. And of course you will have prepped the doc on what going on in advance that's a necessary thing as well.

Good luck 

Stewart

Davegrant

    For me the last six years have been frustrating as this disease is causing my DW and I to change roles. I always worked outside of the home and DW managed most of the inside stuff. The inside stuff was managing children, cooking, shopping, entertainment and entertaining friends.

    This role change took place without a plan or even a knowledge of what was happening except that it was the "disease". My part was one, learning how to do all these new things, one situation at a time.  The second part was learning how to relate emotionally to my DW different from the last forty years. 

    She is constantly changing. She moves about the house like she always did except that she actually doesn't do anything except rearrange items. When someone uses the oven, she expects it to be cool immediately after it is turned off. She will stand there for the longest time telling me that the oven is still on. No reassurance on my part will change things. She offers as proof that the temperature is rising. I assure her that it is the oven clock that shows the time. Many people could make the same mistake, but she repeats the process whenever the oven is used. These changes are like when she had to surrender her driver's license, after a year of ranting when I wisely took the doctor's advice and blamed the doctor.  The change I didn't see coming was now I became a chauffeur and DW would tell me how to drive.  

     I have had to learn many new ways to take care of her. Some days what works the best is to treat her as I would a two year who is being stubborn and uncooperative. Sometimes I try to change the environment like writing a letter to her doctor prior to the visit. Or telling DW that all the members at a meeting I go to are men and the group is about AA and not Dementia. I do this so as not to activate her suspicion.  I also do the latter because she has no idea that she has dementia.  (anosognosia). I have also had to reign in my people pleasing behaviors by reminding myself that I don't have to do everything she says or wants "now". I do all the above while keeping in mind that she is a sensitive 86-year-old. 

    This change has been gradual, over the last six years, and I have learned one day at a time, one step forward two steps back. DW has many of her most endearing qualities, but she also has several of the less endearing behaviors. (As I do) I survive by reading all I can about this disease especially from other caregivers who are living this experience. I have mostly learned that I am the one who has to change because DW can't.

 PS: A back up plan never hurts.