What kind of therapist to see as a caregiver?

ghphotog

I really do need therapy to help me as a caregiver. The stress is taking it's toll on my blood pressure, sleep and diet. My therapy now is alcohol, cannabis and trying to golf when I can. The first two only help in the short term and golf can be more of a frustration if I'm not swinging well. Golf is a sport that you need to be relaxed going in and it's great if the swing is working but most times I'm too concerned about my DW to focus on my golf game to really enjoy it.

My DW is deep into it and shadows me everywhere including the bathroom. If I lock her out she will just start searching the house looking for me so I have absolutely no time to myself from the time I wake up until I go to sleep. I take both my DW and mom to daycare about once a week but that really doesn't provide much of a break really.
I'm supporting not only her emotionally all day and tending to her every need but my mother as well and it's taking a toll.

I have good friends that try to help when they can as well as letting me vent or blow off steam but I really need emotional help for myself but do not know who or what kind of therapist to search for.
Also, I'm concerned a therapist is only going to give me some kind of exercise or homework. I'm hitting the wall now emotionally and physically so just sending me home saying do A, B, C already sounds exhausting.
I also don't know what I can expect from therapy.

Twin Mom

I am two sessions into "therapy", and so far it has been more me educating the therapist than getting anything "out" of it.  I signed up for virtual because getting out of the house is impossible...I was "matched" with a LMSW with 14 years as a psychiatric nurse and about 8 years of work as a therapist.  I thought she would "get" it, but that has not been true.

On the flip side I joined a FTD caregiver chat group online via zoom.  I have only been to one meeting attended by about 20 other people....I found it much more thought provoking and supportive than the one on one licensed therapist I am paying for.  The chat group meets twice a week and is "come and go" as people are able.

I will try a couple more weeks of the therapy and see where I am at.  Yes, the therapist has given me worksheets ...they were thought provoking...but literally any self help book on caregiving could have provided the same worksheets.  My purpose for therapy was a place to vent and gain insight without burdening my few remaining friends...and to help me figure out how I come through this long journey in one piece.  I was also hoping to find a little "joy" which I think is beyond me at the moment.

Ed1937

I know you have your hands more than full. I wonder if a grief therapist might help? I think finding a therapist who works primarily with dementia caregivers would be like finding the needle in the haystack, even though there would probably be a call for them.

mrahope

I completely agree with what Ed said.  A therapist who deals with grief and also caregiver concerns would be an excellent thing, if it was available (as it may be in some areas).  I have actually had our neurologist recommend a counseling practice that deals with older adults primarily.  I'm going to check it out.  

I have been seeing a therapist who is a social worker of a certain age.  I was very frank with her in that I wasn't looking to change my personality or thinking, but to become an ordinary person who deals more successfully with a very difficult situation.  She has suggested a number of things that have been helpful.  My suggestion would be to be completely open with what your hopes are for any therapy sessions and see how the person responds.  If you don't like what you hear, you probably shouldn't commit.  For the record, my therapist has never given me "assignments", only suggestions and a listening ear.  It's been up to me to take it from there.

YMMV

danapuppy

I have been referred to a psychiatrist that specializes in geriatric mental health issues by the Alzheimer's Research Center where we participate in a research study. To maintain their independence they provided a few references. Do your  best to narrow the field. Then met the short list to determine compatability.

We are in an area with a large elderly population. So there are a few with this speciality in our area. 

I encourage you to get that help for both of you.

dhyink

I am working with a Stephens Minister at my church to deal with grief.  I was paired with a person who was a spousal caregiver for 17 years.   I also go to an in-person support group twice a month at the senior center.  For me, the connections with people have done a lot to reduce my depression.   Finally, I do an online mental health app called Sanvello.  They have in-person therapists available if needed. It doesn't take a lot of time and it is on my schedule, so I can work through my problems while DH is taking a nap. 

The past year has been the most stressful year of my life and my body is suffering. I started therapy 2 months ago and I am starting to see improvement.  

tgeno

Last summer when my DW was exhibiting strange behaviors and having major memory problems before the AZ diagnosis, I fell into a deep, almost suicidal depression. I was fortunate to find a clinical psychologist who specialized in older adults. After several sessions, she was able to pull me out of my depression and possible saved my life. She taught me effective techniques I use to deal with my emotional responses to my future now of being a care partner for my DW. I still have a monthly half-hour phone conversation with my therapist just to check in, but I'm doing much better psychologically and am better prepared for the challenges ahead.

DJnAZ

Six months after my wife was placed the stress, anger, frustration and loneliness became almost overwhelming. Living in a small town availability of therapists is limited at best. But through my insurance and the Alzheimer's Association I found a psychiatrist that specializes in grief counseling. My weekly sessions are comprised of her making me think and to understand that I must take care of myself. I've been seeing her for 3 months and I can honestly say I definitely feel better. Therapy may not be for everyone, but it has helped me.

ghphotog

Thank you all for the replies!

Ed1937

I hope you find something. Good luck to you.

DinosaurRN

Twin Mom,

     Could you please provide a link/more info on the online support group for FTD  that you referenced in your post? 

      Husband in diagnostic work-up at the Memory Disorder clinic at the University of Chicago Medicine.  The neurologist there thinks he probably has FTD.  I'm a retired dinosaur RN, age 68 1/2. My mom died of advanced Alzheimer's a little over a year ago. probably had it for almost 20 years.

   Thanks.

Joe C.

Ghphotog, I have been seeing a therapist 4 & 1/2 years since starting when DW was at home and about stage 5, she is now in MC. I looked around for a therapist that worked with caregivers and had no luck finding that “Specialist” so I just picked someone that worked geographically. Fortunately this therapist has worked very well for me even though I may have been her first caregiver client. I think my opinion of what a therapist would provide for me help make this work. I never expected the therapist to have answers for me. Rather I looked at her as someone I could share my inner most thoughts & feeling with in a nonjudgmental setting and help me arrive at my own decisions about how to deal with what was going on in my life. Good luck.